This is more of a Things That Made You Sad This Week post.
Some very coarse language, so if you don't like swearing probably don't read this post.1. I am in an absolute fury for no apparent reason. I'm tired, I'm annoyed, and I'm sick of it taking two hours to get home. I'm sick of my sister downloading half the fucking internet when on Monday and Tuesday I am lucky to get two hours on my computer at all for homework and/or leisure at all. Especially when she stays home because of a mild headache and I'm seventy-fuckin'-five kilometres away listening to soporific lecturers drone on about the tensor fasciae latae.
2a. Girl stuff. One girl who I've known since I was 12 I hung out with and had two drinks with, she let slip that she liked me twelve months ago and I said "Well, I liked you twelve months ago too. I was considering asking you out but decided against it." Fuck. Pardon my language.
2b. Another girl who I had a major crush on during the height of my depression (circa 5 years ago) i have resumed contact with recently is ridiculously flirtatious to the point of being annoying about it. For example, she let slip that she was 'moisturising her body' and I said the mental image was a little bit embarrassing because it made me feel like a pervert, she said she didn't care. She then said 'why don't you come over and give me a hand with it then.' I got embarrassed because how freakin' forward is that. I commented that I didn't appreciate jokes that tease my libido and she found it funny. Fuckin' heck.
2c. A third girl who I hardly know who is a redhead like me likes me apparently. She has not confirmed this, but to go out with her would violate my No Redheads Because It's A Bit Too Consanguineous Rule. Her friends that are my friends kept making subtle and not so subtle hints. For example, one of them said "Hey <reudh> what do you think about dating <redheaded girl>?" I said
"Given I hardly know her and she violates my No Redhead rule, I don't think I'd be inclined to. I'd be happy to hang out though."
Another friend of mine and hers during todays lecture every now and again would stare knowingly and meaningfully at me and then glance over at Miss Redheaded Girl. She asked me to sit next to her in this lecture but to do so would've involved me squeezing past several people subjecting them to my arse in their face. Cramped lecture theatre is cramped. I caught a glimpse of a text she showed to the person next to me after I declined to sit next to her (I'm a compulsive reader and I read very fast indeed to boot) which read "I kinda expected him to sit next to me
"
2d. The two girls I am kinda crushin' on are: Reudh's sister's ex-boyfriend's sister, so probably a no-go despite the fact she's sexy as all heck, a gamer, blazingly intelligent, multilingual and interested in Doctor Who. The other one is an adorable girl with a bob cut who is easily as eccentric as me but much prettier, but she has chronic fatigue syndrome and as a result can go through up to six months of not just being unable to move, her mood dives horribly.
2e. Apparently one of my friends' female friends is
scared of me. I'm probably the most harmless person I know, and I'm not tugging my own chain. Reasons why she could be scared of me that I could even think of:
- I am about forty centimetres taller than her. I'm 181cm tall, or 5'11. She's about 145cm tall, or 4'9".
- I look very, very different to anyone she's ever seen before. She's an international student who hasn't left her country until now. I'm tall, redheaded and have supposedly asian eyes but I look European (Northern European? Scandinavians, Icelanders, etc... have small eyes. Look at Bjork for example.)
- I use English that people sometimes find intimidating by virtue of my grandiloquence.
- My voice is incredibly bassy and stentorian, further enhanced by years of theatre and stage acting. Second only to Barbarossa, probably.
- I'm very eccentric and a bit childlike in my behaviour but I'm relatively muscular and tall.
2f. Lesbian ex-girlfriend who wants to be BEST FRIENDS YAY invited me to her 22nd. The only people likely to be there are her lesbian friends. I don't want to say no because it'd hurt her, but fuck I don't owe her anything!? Stupid fucking emotions and being nice to people.
3. I hate travelling on Victorian public transport, but I can't afford a car or petrol for a car.
3a. I hate travelling on it because I'm subjected to joint smoke at St. Albans because dickheads can't see the huge
NO SMOKING BUT YOU CAN SMOKE IF YOU AREN'T UNDERCOVER BUT TOBACCO ONLY sign.
3b. I hate travelling on it because of the massive crush at any time of the day at peak hour.
Further to 3b, I hate travelling on the Clanker / Tin Can / Grey Army / Hitachi trains because they don't have CCTV or an emergency stop / emergency contact le driver button. This is what they look like.
3c. I was on one of the Hitachi trains and some questionable looking guy pulled out a Bowie knife at Melbourne Central and started whittling his stupid fucking gang tag into the window of the Hitachi. The train's ancient and sounds like it holds together with string, and we were in the City Loop and none of the fucking carriage lights were working so we only had the Station's light to go by. Out of the tunnel and he's got a blade easily 15cm long working away at the window. I'm RIGHT next to him because I had no fuckin' choice if I wanted to get on the train. If he slips, bang, bowie knife in my shoulder. If he gets angry, bowie knife in my kidneys. Can't move. Can't look at him. Can't call the cops. Can't do a fucking thing. Can't help but admire his knifemanship and wish that he picks a more nice and legal way to whittle his name into things, like making woodcrafts and selling them instead of vandalising public property on a heavily laden train.
3d. While he was arrested at Noble Park, we got detained a little while further down the line by the PSOs (aka "Bubsy Cops" because they get six weeks training instead of two years) who questioned me and my mate about it and couldn't seem to understand that the
fresh knife marks on the window were his and not the ancient knife marks over the other window. Means I get home at freakin' 9pm.
4. I applied for a job with TGI Fridays. 85 jobs. 600 applicants. Ridiculously poorly handled. I got there at 8:50am formally dressed, resume and various qualifications in hand. Didn't get INSIDE THE BUILDING until TWELVE TWENTY. As a result despite the overcast day I got sunburned like a motherfucker. One would think that they could have more than three interviewers for 85 jobs / 600+ applicants.
4a. Alternately I was told: a. You didn't pass the first interview, b. you passed the first interview with flying colours because of your First Aid + CPR + Anaphylaxis treatment skills, your eloquence and five years acting training so go down the stairs to the next interview and wait an hour and a half or c. we'll ring you Tuesday regarding another interview.
What that suggests is a fuckin' poorly managed company that has somehow managed to survive the years. If it turns out that I was not fucking well good enough for the job "while you were of a high standard, there were other applicants who were better"... I will be even more angry. Honestly, my sister got a second interview for no other reason than she's UNDER EIGHTEEN. I'm 20. I have:
- First Aid Level II including CPR qualification.
- Anaphylaxis identification and treatment
- Responsible Service of Alcohol
- Working With Children Check
- FIVE FREAKING YEARS ACTING TRAINING, THE COMPANY WAS FORMED FOR HIRING OUT OF WORK ACTORS FOR FUCK'S SAKE
- Professionally trained barista
- References from an OWNER OF A WELL KNOWN COMPANY IN MY TOWN AND THE SENIOR ACCOUNT MANAGER OF PACBRANDS AUSTRALIA.
She has:
- She's under 18.
- She worked at KFC for six months.
5. Parents are running out of money. Job market is pretty bad. They're barely able to pay for my travel. Mum's unemployed. Dad's thrashing himself to keep everything afloat.
I can't pay for it myself because the idiot government claims that even though I would qualify for the AusStudy or Youth Allowance by virtue of my living one and a half hours travel from my place of study, I'm eligible for FIVE FUCKIN DOLLARS A FORTNIGHT.
6. Everyone that I've even managed to get a job with are scammy motherfuckers. I got a job delivering papers. Commission based, $18 for SIX HOURS WORK. NEVER GOT PAID. FUCKING FUCKING FUCK. Second job, childcare. Spent half a K getting qualified. Inform me that "I'm not on their books for some reason oh wait here you are sorry we gave your job to someone else so hahahaha". Fucking fucking fucking stupid arseholes.
7. I'm struggling to cope with the demands of travelling to uni, but I can't give uni up unless i have a full time job, but I can't get to uni without paying my way at least partially. I haven't been able to afford ANY textbooks even with the government subsidies. I get by by borrowing.
8. I failed two units. No biggie, but the idiotic uni doesn't seem to understand that I passed Functional Anatomy of the Trunk with flying colours and are therefore eligible for Functional Anatomy of the Head And Neck.
9. One of my friends who is anorexic, bulimic, suicidal and overall mentally very screwed up as a result of being raped twice (not her fault, of course... it is a sad thing) looks to me for help, but all of her friends have abandoned her and her family are unsupportive. The day of my exam a while ago she tried to commit suicide by slitting her throat. What was her motive? I don't know. But she sent me the photo of HER BLEEDING FUCKING CAROTID ARTERY AND A SMILE ON HER FACE. THAT FUCKING CREEPED ME OUT. I hope I don't sound rude or heartless, but I'm at my wit's fucking end! I can't keep up with listening to her horribly draining talk of sticking her arm down her throat to extract the vomit and hearing about how her vomit encrusted hair makes her sick but she's still fat (50kg or something) so she has to do it still. Any talk of any attempt to help, and "no i don't want help i want to die"... What can I do there? Nothing but "I don't think you do really... I think the real person is there just trying to get out." I am doing all that beyondblue is suggesting (an australian depression country) but my own fucking mental illnesses are making it ridiculously hard to cope.
10. All this stress is manifesting itself in bursts of anger and hopeless misery filled with resentment. I dearly fucking well hope it isn't my stupid fucking depression coming back, and if it does then I lose all control of the tiny little behaviours I've slowly constructed to make myself a semblance of normal (autism). I can't afford to do that because then I'll be stuck at home for five more years moping about and being shouted at every day.
I can't fucking cope, I need to meditate or shag a girl or something. Something to release stress. Anyone for paintball?
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9773027 times)