Going to deliver dinner to some friends this evening. They just had their first child and she was 4 weeks early, and not doing well. This seems to be a recurring theme with our circle of friends.
We have one couple who lost their first child just before his 1st birthday to a genetic disorder. They knew he was terminal for at least six months before he died. Then they had twins, who were born *months* early and weighed about 1lb each. After four months in intensive care, they actually did OK and they just turned 2, but it's been a long hard road for them.
We have another couple who are trying really hard to have kids, but are infertile. They got pregnant once, but she miscarried at about 7 weeks and has been deeply depressed over it ever since.
Then we have this couple, who are a bit older (late 30's and early 40's), so they don't really have much of a window left for getting pregnant without major risks. And suddenly, bam....preemie baby with potential major issues.
And then we have me and my fertile loins (seriously...I come from some fertile damn bloodlines). We had two kids and weren't even really trying (we weren't NOT trying, just more of a "meh...if it happens, it happens"). No complications, no health issues.
And now even though I know nobody is consciously
trying to be this way, it feels like it's driving a wedge between us and these sets of friends, because they all have this common bond in the difficulties they've had and we "can't understand what it's like". Like we should feel guilty for not having had to deal with miscarriages and infant deaths and infertility. And now I can't help but feel guilty anytime I so much as get irritated with my kids.