So, there was this girl I used to have a big crush on a long time back, and to make a very long story short, due to personal, teenage, overemotional, drama I wound up harassing and emotionally abusing her in order to get rid of her... Yes, I know, I'm a wonderful person.
Later on down the line I'd make a few attempts to reconcile, but she's made it clear she doesn't want to talk to me, or see me, or have anything to do with me, or have any of her friends have anything to do with me, and I can't really blame her for it.
No big deal though, right? I just need to move on...
Except that's been something that's been rather hard to let go of, partly due to the lack of other friends, but also due to other issues... It got easier when I came off of adderall though. I think that particular medication was making me a lot more obsessive about the issue. Before I came off of it, it was something that used to constantly haunt the back of my mind and was physically painful to think about. These days, not so much, it doesn't really bother me, and I go long periods of time without even thinking about it.
Except my subconscious still hasn't let go of it... She's been showing up in my dreams sometimes, and a month ago I thought I saw her at the passport line at the airport, and a few weeks back when we were picking up a pizza, and in one of the checkout lines in the supermarket, and, most ridiculously, just today I thought I saw her in a internet video... this is getting ridiculous.
Every time I see her in a dream, or otherwise, it's enough to trigger a small panic attack, and it's really not helping me, it's making me more paranoid about going outside, because I worry I might run into her... It's stupid, and insane.
How do I stop myself from being so paranoid?