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[JoshuaFH]

My biggest gripe is probably that sometimes it just feels like my actions are hopeless. That a long time ago I got locked out of having a happy and normal life, and I'm fucked there. That I got locked out of tapping my potential and I'll never attain even superficial affection from ignorant admirers. That I got locked out of even having peace of mind so I can forgive myself for the years of loneliness, impotence, and stupidity that I'm guilty of.

I swear, it feels like life could end any day now. Just something terrible will happen, and I'll be gone, and everything I've ever done won't amount to anything.

I took a swig of Nyquil, my mind digs it's heels in and refuses to fall asleep even when tired, just having that chemical push it into the abyss of slumber makes it seem possible.

[Jervous]

I don't know if you guys ever watched any of Edd Gould's cartoons but

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkEvbOsr138

I'm actually fucking crying right now.

[SomeStupidGuy]

I don't know if you guys ever watched any of Edd Gould's cartoons but

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkEvbOsr138

I'm actually fucking crying right now.

Aw man, I used to love that guy's stuff.
Listening to the video made me tear up a bit.

[kaijyuu]

Feel like I'm whiny and annoying everyone I know. When I don't open my mouth I berate myself for being too introverted, and when I do I get the feeling I'm just annoying people who hope I'll shut up soon.

'Course whining about it makes me feel even whinier, which makes me feel like I'm annoying people more, etc.

[fqllve]

Normally I think we feel things for a reason, but it kinda sounds like you're just hard on yourself in social situations since you berate yourself for introversion. Is it anything specific in the way people react to you that makes you think like that or are you just being really self-conscious?

[kaijyuu]

Probably self conscious, though I don't know for sure since I'm terrible at reading body language. I was outright called a douchebag by someone once a while back, and didn't realize he was serious until later when someone told me.


Maybe I'm angsting over nothing, maybe not. I don't know. Arrg.

[fqllve]

Sounds like you're just being self-conscious.

I've been outright insulted plenty of times, some of them warranted most of them not. Just because someone insults you doesn't necessarily mean it's true. They might just be kind of a jerk themselves.

[Willfor]

The amount of people in the industry I'm going into that can be described with the phrase "great engineer, terrible person".

Like Phil Spector here. Even if you just watch the first 1:30, you'll get a good idea of what I'm talking about. Then there's the small fact that he's serving 19 to life for murder. You know.

Can you argue with results though?

So yeah, great engineer, terrible person.

[fqllve]

I'll never forgive Spector for Let it Be, though. Particularly Across the Universe and I Me Mine. I mean... why would you add strings to that song?

Otherwise, yeah, he did some great stuff.

[ToonyMan]

My biggest gripe is probably that sometimes it just feels like my actions are hopeless. That a long time ago I got locked out of having a happy and normal life, and I'm fucked there. That I got locked out of tapping my potential and I'll never attain even superficial affection from ignorant admirers. That I got locked out of even having peace of mind so I can forgive myself for the years of loneliness, impotence, and stupidity that I'm guilty of.
I swear, it feels like life could end any day now. Just something terrible will happen, and I'll be gone, and everything I've ever done won't amount to anything.
I took a swig of Nyquil, my mind digs it's heels in and refuses to fall asleep even when tired, just having that chemical push it into the abyss of slumber makes it seem possible.

It's worth mentioning everyone I know to a fuller extent feels this way.  My Dad, my friends on campus, ME.  And my Dad is much older than most people here.

I suppose it's worth mentioning what I found to be relaxing is pretty much every night I lay down and read something in tranquility.  Well either that or listen to music while doing something productive *cough*.  Having a goal to do something always works.  I for one have my own personal goal to do EVERYTHING whatever that means.  Certainly not sit and mindlessly watch TV or play generic FPS #18140, I'd rather shoot myself.

I had a pretty bad day today.  I missed my first class because I felt terrible (and then more terrible for missing class), so I created a network of lies that worked (and felt more terrible), and then I completely forgot to put the clothes in the dryer so when everybody got home it was a major inconvenience since my parents were going out, again.  I don't care about them anyway.  What I enjoy most is of my own creation, in mind.

But then afterwards, I could relax!  Everybody needs time to themselves.  And completing series gives me a sense of progress?

For me the hardest thing in life is why am I even trying to succeed in life when I find none of it enjoyable.  If left to my own whims I would obviously do what I want, but I don't.  I thought at one point I am just challenging myself to face social situations because I'm an idiot.

Seriously yesterday I pumped gas for the second time in my life.  It's terrifying.  And I have to talk to people daily.

EDIT:

I'm just tired today. I wish I weren't so bad at falling to sleep. When these tired moods come over me, I'm trapped reminiscing over the past, and how I measure up to my past self, and realizing that I'm still pretty worthless.
Sometimes I just remember stupid stuff I've said 5-6-7 years ago, and I still get angry at myself. So angry I just want to scream and yell at myself for making saying such stupid stuff.
I'm gonna try to get some sleep.

I had trouble sleeping last night as well.  It was cold and I didn't feel tired, but I had to sleep for the class I ended up missing anyway.  Perfect.

[The Merchant Of Menace]

I don't know if you guys ever watched any of Edd Gould's cartoons but

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkEvbOsr138

I'm actually fucking crying right now.

That's depressing, I really loved his work.

[Reudh]

@Jervous

Aw... I knew he died but that video's so poignant. Egoraptor, Tomamoto and Kirbopher were all posting tributes on their twitter feed today.

Now down to my today's gripe.


Uni was fun. I was wrist deep in sheep viscera. Then I blitzed a chemistry test. (Find the relative abundance of Gallium isotope 69Ga and 71Ga where the relative atomic mass of Gallium is 69.9 or so.)

Train ride was not. Sydenham line was boring, missed seeing my old friend who I keep trying to catch up with. Pakenham line - caught a train, hopped off at Melbourne Central for an experiment (a new friend hasn't seen a caffeine addict's reaction to good coffee, so she bought me a huge coffee at the shopping centre there - when we got back to the train it was PACKED.
I insisted she sit down, being a gentleman, but she told me off for being a gentleman when my load was much heavier than hers (she had her bag, i had my bag, two textbooks, my laptop bag that has no strap, just a handle, the aforementioned coffee, and a newspaper.
All was good. Came out of the City Loop when our train stopped at Richmond.

The 5:31 Pakenham has been cancelled due to a defective door. The next Pakenham train will be arriving at Platform 4 in one minute.
Cue massive rush where my friend and I managed to start from the head of the pack - sprinted down the rather steep ramps at Richmond, then up to platform 4 - Train trollfaced us and left the instant we got there.

Cue mass swearing from general populus.

Cranbourne train due in one minute on platform 6 (the one I had just sprinted away from.) My friend was able to catch it, I didn't bother because I don't use that line. Waited for next Pakenham train. Running express. WOO!

Got on it. So full that i have to suck in my breath and squish against the door. See some bogan with missing teeth and a diastema you could drive the train through taking up four seats with his toolbox, alcohol and other accoutrements. See some guy blasting brostep so loud I could hear it with my own music on despite the full train and a good four metres (and ~50 people) between us. See a heavily pregnant woman looking exhausted and three businessmen not batting an eyelid. Hear a kid screaming at the top of his lungs and his parents not even caring.
In order to avoid falling over I had to transfer EVERYTHING i was carrying to my left hand, and hold on with my right. That's two textbooks slung under my arm, a laptop carride in my left hand, and a newspaper carried inside the bag slung over my shoulder. I had to hold on from Richmond to where I live, which is a good 45km further - at the speed we travelled, it took almost an hour and a half. I fuckin' hate public transport, but to get to uni by car would be prohibitively expensive.

By the time we reached my stop, the train was still at a crush. Sign that Metro needs to run more trains express there.

[Lagslayer]

It had just popped into my head "What if Pinkie Pie got diabetes? Can ponies even get diabetes?". So I turned to the internet to find out what others thought about the subject, if they thought about it at all. First link I found.

[Glowcat]

Feel like I'm whiny and annoying everyone I know. When I don't open my mouth I berate myself for being too introverted, and when I do I get the feeling I'm just annoying people who hope I'll shut up soon.

'Course whining about it makes me feel even whinier, which makes me feel like I'm annoying people more, etc.

This is a very relatable experience. I wonder if I should bother trying to interact with people or avoid feeling like a jackass. Not that anyone has called me out on my behavior or anything, so for all I know I'm imagining my own ineptitude.

[JoshuaFH]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

My biggest gripe is probably that sometimes it just feels like my actions are hopeless. That a long time ago I got locked out of having a happy and normal life, and I'm fucked there. That I got locked out of tapping my potential and I'll never attain even superficial affection from ignorant admirers. That I got locked out of even having peace of mind so I can forgive myself for the years of loneliness, impotence, and stupidity that I'm guilty of.
I swear, it feels like life could end any day now. Just something terrible will happen, and I'll be gone, and everything I've ever done won't amount to anything.
I took a swig of Nyquil, my mind digs it's heels in and refuses to fall asleep even when tired, just having that chemical push it into the abyss of slumber makes it seem possible.

It's worth mentioning everyone I know to a fuller extent feels this way.  My Dad, my friends on campus, ME.  And my Dad is much older than most people here.

I suppose it's worth mentioning what I found to be relaxing is pretty much every night I lay down and read something in tranquility.  Well either that or listen to music while doing something productive *cough*.  Having a goal to do something always works.  I for one have my own personal goal to do EVERYTHING whatever that means.  Certainly not sit and mindlessly watch TV or play generic FPS #18140, I'd rather shoot myself.

I had a pretty bad day today.  I missed my first class because I felt terrible (and then more terrible for missing class), so I created a network of lies that worked (and felt more terrible), and then I completely forgot to put the clothes in the dryer so when everybody got home it was a major inconvenience since my parents were going out, again.  I don't care about them anyway.  What I enjoy most is of my own creation, in mind.

But then afterwards, I could relax!  Everybody needs time to themselves.  And completing series gives me a sense of progress?

For me the hardest thing in life is why am I even trying to succeed in life when I find none of it enjoyable.  If left to my own whims I would obviously do what I want, but I don't.  I thought at one point I am just challenging myself to face social situations because I'm an idiot.

Seriously yesterday I pumped gas for the second time in my life.  It's terrifying.  And I have to talk to people daily.

EDIT:

I'm just tired today. I wish I weren't so bad at falling to sleep. When these tired moods come over me, I'm trapped reminiscing over the past, and how I measure up to my past self, and realizing that I'm still pretty worthless.
Sometimes I just remember stupid stuff I've said 5-6-7 years ago, and I still get angry at myself. So angry I just want to scream and yell at myself for making saying such stupid stuff.
I'm gonna try to get some sleep.

I had trouble sleeping last night as well.  It was cold and I didn't feel tired, but I had to sleep for the class I ended up missing anyway.  Perfect.

Thanks for your sympathy Toon. You're always helpful when I'm feeling bad. I hope you overcome your challenges in life as well.