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[fqllve]

Yeah, because 'I want you to call me more often' doesn't come across as clingy.

It doesn't have to come across as clingy. Saying something like, "You know, I understand you're busy but we really aren't talking much lately. Maybe a quick call tonight?"

That said, numbers 1 and 5 are pretty obvious, even to a person like myself who cannot take hints.

[GlyphGryph]

* GlyphGryph twitches reading Truean's list.

I'll be honest, statements like those drive my crazy, to the point where I have purposely avoided calling people who said things like that. Maybe it didn't actually come off that way, it just sounds... kind of passively needy and whiny. And, as offhand comments, immensely forgettable, meaning the only thing said person will have accomplished is leaving me with a slight feeling of irritation that ends up triggered every time I think about calling them.

Saying "I want you to call me at this time: xxxx", however, triggers none of those things. You're telling me what you want, in a simple, easily memorable way, and I can make a note to myself to try and remember. No frustration, no irritation, no thinking of you as whiney or needy.

Yeah, because 'I want you to call me more often' doesn't come across as clingy.

It certainly comes across as LESS clingy, and as a calm and confident expression as desire it doesn't seem clingy at all to me.
Obviously, this varies depending on the guy your with - but if what you're doing isn't working...

[Skyrunner]

o_O... Isn't saying that like that a bit brusque?

[Truean]

Yeah, because 'I want you to call me more often' doesn't come across as clingy.

As mystifying as women may be, they usually have reasons for their bizarre actions. _Usually.

If you want a happy relationship (as a man), you learn to take hints. Or at the very least, you learn that when your girlfriend is acting pissed off/unhappy, you're probably doing something wrong. You might have to go on some kind of weird Holmesian logical journey to figure out what that is, but life will generally be better to you once you do.

That's just my personal experience, of course.

Lord Dullard is not a dullard. Yes, not wanting to appear clingy. Also, she's testing you:
What he says: "I care about you a whole lot."              <---- Her reaction.
What he does: Never calls.... Basically ignores you....    <---- Her reaction.
Do you see the disconnect in the smiley faces? She does....

Most guys will say damn near anything to a girl, true or not, for one thing only.... She's testing your sincerity by mentally comparing your actions to your words, because they don't appear to be adding up in her mind. Caring does not equal ignoring, it equals some attention. She wants you to pass this test so she's giving you hints at the answers, but she won't give you the answer key. It doesn't necessarily have to be a call every couple of days, but something to substantiate your statement, "I care about you."

I can understand to some extent where guys are coming from here. This is a timeless case of different expectations. In many cases, it's also how she tells the guys her mom warned her about from the good ones. Too much attention asked for by either side = clingy. Too little = doesn't care. It's a pain to figure out the right amount. Thankfully there are hints.

[scriver]

I was going to tell you to just call him yourself, Truean, but I guess since you talked to him it's pretty likely you already have? Maybe you've called him enough that he's already taking for granted that you're the "caller"?

Otherwise, I agree with GlyphGryph. Guys understand these things perfectly well (and do it themselves pretty much as well), but the passiveness of it can get pretty annoying. If somebody doesn't or pretends not to "get a hint", you don't keep dropping hints, you tell them straight (and fqllve has a good way of it not sounding clingy) want you want to say.

[RedKing]

Yeah, I don't do hints. My wife has learned the hard way that if she wants me to do something, she makes a list. If she wants something specific for her birthday/anniversary/Christmas, she makes a list. Because if you drop hints around me, they'll generally hit the floor and break before I catch them.

[JoshuaFH]

What I'm gathering here is that clinginess and acceptably asking for more attention is a matter of the confidence in asking. Do I have that about right? Mr. Bachelor over here.

[Solifuge]

Proitip*: Sometimes, people who are interested in each other are both too passive to initiate things. For instance, Truean, you are being passive and leaving breadcrumbs and suggestions, but not taking the initiative to call... maybe because you're worried about rejection, or just prefer to not be that person. Consider that the guy might be similar in that regard, expecting you to take the initiative. Suddenly, you're locked in a conversational stalemate born of worry and passivity.

It can seem hard to do, but just give taking the initiative a shot, and see how things go. Set aside the cautious manner and just go for it. Whatever happens will be for the best, so you have nothing to worry about.
-----
_{^{* So totally not a pro... though I can speak from experience when I suggest this.}}

[GlyphGryph]

Personally, though, someone "testing" me is usually the signal I need to get the hell out of dodge.

And yeah, dropping hints tends to make you look desperate for attention. This isn't to say there isn't room for subtlety in a relationship! There's plenty of things that don't need to be said, and subtlety can be more fun and enjoyable in other areas. Subtlety is half the fun of flirting, after all.

But it is not always appropriate. Especially when you want something that could potentially make you come across as needy. Saying "I want some attention. Call me." does not have the same sort of risk. The desire is there, either way, but in the first the person is waiting on the other person to give it to them. In the second, the person is taking personal action in making what they want, happen.

It's the difference between pointing to a burger king with a sad look on your face and saying "I'm hungry. Can we stop for a burger?"

You don't have to demand, exactly, but you half to meet them halfway. The more work you do, the less needy you sound, since you are showing you don't need the other person to make decisions for you - hence the suggestion of adding a time. They can move it to another time, that's fine, but by starting with one you demonstrate a willingness to do some of the work to get what you want instead of heaping it all on the other person.

[Angel Of Death]

I've got something like a hair stuck down my throat.

[kaijyuu]

Just reach in and pull it out!

Nothing could possibly go wrong.

[GlyphGryph]

Seconded.

[Solifuge]

Psychological profiles of people who grew up under dysfunctional/addict parents, why you gotta be so relevant to my adult life?

If nothing else, knowing this is a good tool for self-reflection, to help me address some of the less-than-ideal behaviors I have. I can see points through my childhood when I played those roles for my family, mostly as Hero and Mascot. It's what created my obsession with perfection and self-improvement, "parentified" me as a kid (7 going on 40), and pushed me to develop a sense of empathy and charisma, while feeding the complete disconnect between my emotional state/inner life and my actions/public face.

Sure, it made me well-adapted to deal with high stress situations and disaster scenarios, but I'll be damned if these behaviors haven't fucked up the 99% of my life that isn't traumatic.

[ChairmanPoo]

Hrm, if I want to do a speciality in UK I need to take an additional exam, it seems.

Still no word if in Ireland it's the same. Or Finland.

So far the best foreign options seem Ireland, UK, Finland and Denmark.

[jc6036]

We had a food day today in Spanish, and there were Habeneros.  I've had them before, but it's been a while.

My friends had never had one before, so I led them in a charge of hot pepper swallowing following milk chugging.

The pepper got its revenge less than 12 hours later.

Ouch.