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[Cthulhu]

kinseti, your post and your avatar match.

[Sirus]

Why did I watch scary videos after midnight when I have school in the morning? Why?

Now I'm half-afraid that ghostly faces will appear in the dark and kill me. I don't scare easily, and I'm not afraid of the dark, but for once I'm feeling slightly paranoid.

[Simmura McCrea]

Ugh, don't like all this arty stuff.

[SalmonGod]

For what it's worth, Truean, I would hang out with you if I could.  Saying so doesn't mean much, but I'd have absolutely no problem with you.  It sucks to read posts like that and feel helpless to do anything about it.   

[Greiger]

DOWNLOAD DWARF FORTRESS 0.34.01 (Feb 14, 2012)

I have to work today and immediately after work go to class for another four hours....

[ChairmanPoo]

Truean: For what it's worth, I got the very same BS diagnosis once. Apparently the personality disorder tests consider the slightest ammount of cynism pathological. And IMO life is not a f*ing disney movie.
It's not like it's a meaningful diagnosis anyway. They are defined as variations of personality that cause problems when adapting to society (so it's sort of like saying "Person X is kind of a dick, in this particular way"), they don't really have a treatment (drugs don't work very well, as there is nothing specifically wrong to treat -it's really pretty much a matter of "X being a dick"-, and therapy doesn't produce impressive results either, for the most part), and I think they're overdiagnosed very often (it's one thing to talk about the obvious cases, but the way it is pretty much anyone with a bad day can end up being told he suffers from this).

[Tellemurius]

I don't even want to look at Facebook today or talk anyone. Gonna shut myself in the corner and work. I'll DF later and mass effect 3 later.

[SalmonGod]

Want to play the new DF... thought I'd toy around a bit without all my usual tools... really don't know how to play without Therapist 

[Shakerag]

I am paranoid.

My therapist says I have to be more "open" and "honest" with people. My immediate reaction was saying "honest" and "attorney" don't mix. She did not laugh. Neither did I, because she knows I'm just trying to avoid the subject any way I can.

People scare the shit out of me. I've seen the worst of them. My own sister has tried to blackmail me about being gay/trans to the rest of my family, failing expensively both times. She's even tried to get me on an ultimatum to pay child support for her friends' kids who very clearly weren't mine (blood test and um.. gay/never even wanted to be with a woman...). I was immensely sad to have to outmaneuver her and I hated every instant. Honesty? O Mystery.... Detailed lies complete with cooperative alibis are my only protection. Unfortunately, it isn't paranoia if it's justified....

My therapist keeps saying things like I'll never make any real friends if I keep living a lie. Probably true. She also seems to bring up how it would be hard or impossible to transition if I can't at least talk to people about it honestly face to face. I'm aware I may never get to transition due to that and people being total assholes about it. I'm of the opinion that most people, due to being massive assholes about the subject of transsexualism, don't deserve my honest company and should be honored that I bother to interact with them in any way including lying to them about who I am. I have so very few friends I actually, really trust and even those I don't know if I'll ever be really 100% sure of.

O, I can talk to people, very well, but it's never the real me. I live a lie. I've known this for years and I don't deal with it, because I sorta can't, hence the avoidance.... Now it's just being brought up.... I know everything she's telling me; what did she think I was afraid of...? She's trying to tell me it's not that bad.... She means well, and actually it's not that bad, it's worse.... She wouldn't be the one paying any of the price associated with me coming out.... I'm wondering if she's not too much of an idealist sometimes. I wonder at her not for her noble dream but for her refusal to let such a noble dream have the peace of a noble death it suffered long ago... I lie to protect myself, a lot, and it's far better than many people I've met deserve.

Picture perfect pitches purporting personsonality, purloining poor pathetic pissants' presumed perceptions, passively, politely, plotting pretend personas. An artful personal hell is still a personal hell....

Truean, a few things:

1) Your story about your sister is one of the reasons I laugh in the face of anyone who suggests that you have to love your family because of them being family.  Love is something that I think is earned/develops, not something that is automatically guaranteed because you popped out of the same vagina (or other family relation). 

2) I would give you a big, warm hug if you were in and around central Illinois.  And a backrub.  And maybe a cuddle if you're cute.  I have been told that, despite being a person of larger stature, I am rather warm, soft, and smell rather pleasant at most times of day, so I think this would not be a bad thing.

3) I know from your posts that if the world was a horse, you have been regularly positioned directly under its ass for a long time, but I really hope things get better for you ASAP.  You're one of the people on Bay12 that I really look forward to reading posts from. 

4) That is a masterwork alliteration.  All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. 

Also:  OMG NEW DF RELEASED?  Now I wish I hadn't already made plans for my birthday tomorrow ...  Not that I think I'd pass up on going out to eat a big plate of Mongolian Beef Tofu anyway, but still ...

[JoshuaFH]

Your B-day is right next to Valentines Day?

I'm so sorry.

[SalmonGod]

My dad and my sister were both born on Valentine's Day.

[Shakerag]

Your B-day is right next to Valentines Day?

I'm so sorry.

I don't really care, because I've never had much of anything to do with Valentine's Day. 

Feel sorry for my mother, who was in labor for 20 hours O_O

[Jopax]

I used to carry an orange piece of string I got from a teammate while attending the FIRST compettition last year, meant to simbolize team spirit and all that. Never paid much mind  to it, but I kind of liked wearing it (not much of a jewlery guy). Then last summer I traded it for another piece of old string with my best friend. This time the damn thing meant something and I liked wearing it.

Well today the damn thing snapped, being an old and crummy piece of string it's impossible to tie together :<

[Tellemurius]

Oh shit, my bank has not posted any transactions i made with paypal and ATT. money is still in my account. wtf is going on?

[JoshuaFH]

I just feel so sad today, but I'm sad for alot of reasons. Because it's Valentines day however, I'll hold off on complaining because even though it has nothing to do with this holiday, I don't want my feelings invalidated just by remarking on the forever alone stereotype.