Probably not the best of advice or statement, but you seem to be doing the best you can in a hostile situation; dishonesty in regards to most people is just kind of par for course. It fucks you up a fair bit, but between some mental instability and the alternative... the hell choice is there? Deception or suffering, or rather lesser or greater suffering. Mental calculus done, at that point -- take the path of least self-destruction. In your case, that's damn sure not being open about things, not where you're at and in the business you're in.
And there's nothing in all that, that places any blame on you. The world and US culture in particular are fucked right up in a lot ways. You're doing your damnedest in a shit situation.
But yeah, paranoia results. It comes from living in a hostile environment -- and the environment you're in is genuinely hostile. Utterly feel for you, because while I'm not trans, I'm living in an area that's openly hostile to people that aren't bigots. Genuine honesty on a lot of things, in my life, would have probably gotten me physically beaten. It's crap, but if finding somewhere less hostile isn't an option, what fuck do, yanno'?
Anyway, advice to the better I can give is about the same advice the shrink gave me. Over time, and with great care, you'll build up a stable, so to speak, of people you can trust. That's going to be your lifeline. Anyone that's not in the barn gets the open fuck-you in terms of deception. Guess what I'm saying there is that yeah, you probably will have to talk to people about the transitioning honestly, face to face, but "people" doesn't equate to "those fuckers that would treat you like shit for it." Finding people won't be easy, though, and it might take years and years and years. Don't give up, don't bow down, etc, etc, etc.