The fundamental problem I see in that "full life" being that thing is the failure to distinguish between "what will give me a short-term rush of dopamine" and "what will make me happy". I'm okay with people doing all those things, as long as they're not doing it
just because they think it's what they're supposed to do in order to be whole people. That's just me, though, and there are certainly people I think have the same failing but incline toward opposite extremes.
Note, I don't think you're one of them, I get the sense that you do what you do because it's what seems right to you, not because you think it's universally good, and that you're lamenting the now-deep gulf the difference in preferences has created between you and people you used to know well and cared deeply about. It's sad to know that those people don't really exist, anymore, except as memories - and that the same holds for your own past self. This is a really depressing paragraph, actually, but anyway, it's more of a rambling on problems another friend of mine is going through because she's been pressured toward a lifestyle she doesn't want.
Feh. The good life is the one that doesn't leave you a broken shell of a human being at the end, and doesn't break anyone else. That's about all there is to it, as far as I'm concerned.
Also, you might consider seriously writing down what you're afraid of blurting out and presenting it, in paper form, to anybody who asks. Unless they are complete douches, they will laugh and get the picture. I did something similar with the facial expression I expected to need frequently, but be unable to make myself produce:
/\ --
0 0
____
Roughly. It's a bit difficult to reproduce.
Then again, that sort of thing requires a sort of confidence that I suppose is the root problem here, and I had the advantage of having known half the people there in middle school or high school. Just hoping discussion is calming to you in terms of getting your feelings out in text - may not be.