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[Bauglir]

It's actually one of my favorite books >____________________<

Alas! Now we must duel to determine its worthiness as a work of literature, presumably until the end of time. Since I'm issuing the challenge, I suppose that means you get to choose weapons, but can I recommend laser hats?

------

*Internet hug to inteuniso*

[Truean]

Honestly tried to help. Volunteered at food bank; saw someone the firm I work at evicted....

Stuff... it is messed up.

[Lectorog]

I had a big, whining post prepared, but nobody wants that, so I condensed it.

Yesterday, for debate, I spent five hours filing paperwork; I still have a few hundred more sheets I'll have to file by Wednesday.

On Wednesday, I'm going to have to stay after school for 6 hours, until 9:00, for some sort of practice tournament. I'll not go into how many ways that mangles my schedule; to put it simply, I may very well stay up until midnight, something I would never otherwise even consider.

What makes this really bad is that I didn't actually sign up for debate. I signed up for non-competitive debate, so I wouldn't have to do all of this crap.
Most of the people in my class went to a camp or something; I know a lot less than them about the class I'm in. That feeling isn't made better by the fact that I'm two grades ahead of most of them.

Amusingly enough, this can be brought down to "Debate is ruining my immediate life."

[Vector]

I'm not happy.

[Angel Of Death]

Uncle's leaving for Iraq tommorow. I hope he comes back in one piece.

[ChairmanPoo]

Seeing an elderly Chilean expat being told in no uncertain terms to shut the fuck up under threat of being thrown out of the establishment for talking about the "wrong" 9/11*.

*Pinochet's coup.

This has made me rage...

[KaelGotDwarves]

Oh fuck you NPR/StoryCorps, I wasn't planning on crying today. ... TWICE.

This one hits home even harder, but at least I still feel alive.

I'm a grown man T___________________T-ing. I don't even care. I'm still working to create love like that.

[Bauglir]

Jeeeeeebus, it's been a while since I've been this close to crying. I can actually feel some tears welling up. Emotions, wow. That is some heart-rending stuff, Kael.

[Reudh]

Guy asked me for change on board the train and I said no and felt guilty because i had $AUD20 in my pocket, but i really really need it to be able to survive the week. :/

[ChairmanPoo]

Panicking about my hand cramps. I hope it's just carpal tunnel and not something horrible like ALS.

[Vector]

I'm kind of an unhappy and bitter person.

I don't know what I can do about it.  Counseling really didn't work last time, and my health insurance plan is apparently to medicate and then have the person in question go see a counselor every two months.  But I'm not that bad off.  I'm mostly resentful in a way I really don't want to be.

Kind of feel like Thyme is doing me a disservice.  We're part of this little mini-forum of about 7 people, high school friends-or-so who all know each other well enough.  When she was upset about my having a boyfriend, I didn't talk about him there (or elsewhere).  I talked about other stuff in order to spare her feelings.  She knows about my opinions and basically talks about nothing but the boy, and, yesterday (the anniversary of her dating him) how she apparently left her glasses on the guy's dresser and spends a lot of time in his apartment and stuff.

I dunno what to say.  Why the hell does this upset me so much?

I'm not THAT upset.  I'm annoyed.

I keep visiting those forums because I'm... lonely isn't the right word.  I don't feel like I belong anywhere, not really.  So I'm tracing my steps back to the last instance of a sense of a belonging.  Her posts make me feel, once again, that I do not belong.  Our attitudes towards what is kind and what is not are incompatible.  Also, she has a larger group of friends, and most of her time spent talking to us involves talking about that larger group of "crazy" friends off at college and how wonderful and smart and genius they are.

Therefore I need to work to make myself feel that I belong somewhere, because I do not belong there anymore.

But how?

[Angel Of Death]

*reading the MetalGear wiki*

Gah. Spoilers. Spoilers everywhere.

[ToonyMan]

Woke up today twenty minutes before my alarm goes off.

Woke up today to my parents fighting yet again.  It makes me hate them.  I hate them for fighting.  I almost could have missed my 8am Calculus class but luckily we were okay.  I wouldn't hate them for missing my class.  I had an apologetic e-mail all ready in my mind in case of the worse.  Although it would have been really disappointing to miss class.  I wish I had the money for a car but I can't get a job when I don't even have the time for my manga, argh!

They are so immature.  We're living at my Grandmother's house because we couldn't stay up even after everything.  Its been eight months now.  I'll have my own place to stay before they even find a new house.  What the hell is my younger brother suppose to do?  That doesn't bother me as much as how much they hate each other though.  I hate money.  They always fight about money.  I hate stress and anxiety.  My Mother is always stressed to her limit and she despises everything and it makes me sad.


Also Vector I'm not sure if this is the same feeling but I feel "unhappy" with myself too.  It's not really like I'm sad in the emotional sense but I'm really dissatisfied with the world and my decisions.  I wouldn't be reading/doing a bazillion gog damn things to keep my mind off the world.  I don't like the real world much.  It's dirty and has many bad things.  That's why I only looks at the good qualities of the real world.  I don't want to be that depressed guy who sleeps on a bed/couch/futon his whole life until he wastes away.  I want to accomplish something myself and LIKE the place I'm in.

I am so withdrawn from the world yet I go out everyday now.  I just went camping with my Father this weekend and ate marshmallows and watching Tom Cruise.  And next weekend I'm gonna see my Uncle and/or Pepere yet again and possibly play cribbage with them.  You need to do what you want I think.  I can't really say anything because I STILL feel like I'm doing just the stupidest things but went I actually REFLECT on what I've done I've realized I have achieved so much it is ASTONISHING.

Even if my parents don't get along I don't have to let that get me down.  I don't have to build up petty anger or fucking unilateral revenge.

Oh gotta go my rides here.  I'm gonna finish up some college stuff at home, print some copies, and then have the time of my life until 5pm when I have my Spanish yet again!  Adios!

[Bauglir]

Hrm... Is working to feel belonging counterproductive? It seems like a lot of it is dependent on how other people act, and if you have to change that then it's... off, somehow. On the other hand, there's a lot to be said for working to accommodate your surroundings to some extent, to demonstrate a gesture of good will to encourage others to change to suit you of their own volition. Some people just don't seem to notice or don't seem to care, though.

[Vector]

Yeah, I'm not sure what I think about it.  One of the things I know is that this stuff tends to really run in my family, on both sides (congenital anxiety, depression, and stress)--I'm not surprised I ended up here.  Just annoyed.

I think part of it is action on my end to

a. Enjoy life more (non-people part)
b. Make more effort in actually responding to people's kindnesses
c. Calm down feelings of resentment and unhappiness (meditation, yoga, morning exercise, or so on)

In any case, I'm going to a study group today and I guess I'll try to bring along a little Russian candy or something like that.