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[Aqizzar]

I'm never going to pursue more friendships or another serious romance until I have proven I am a halfway decent excuse for an adult.  Step One in that process is employment enough to support myself, because it is impossible to present myself as anything but a failure at life until I have my own residence and income.  And I am never, ever, going to find a real job.  I've missed every opportunity I ever had before, and now I'll never have one again - by the time there is any serious number of job openings anywhere that I can go to, I'll be too old and overqualified compared to all the people like current-me I'll be competing with, still with nothing to my name but a Bachelor's Degree of Nothing and a bunch of years as a part-time warehouse monkey.

It's even starting to fuck up my relationship with my family, which is kinda important, because I'm getting more bitter and resentful about my life by the day.  This just compounds the problem, since I know I have no good reason to take it out on anyone (except myself of course, I can always use more blame).  I feel like my parents could be more supportive, but the only thing my mind can think of as support is "tell me this isn't my fault, and that it really is as hard as I make it look" (which they kinda do, but I never believe, and I know they're getting sick of me whinging all the time, even if they refuse to admit it), and "find me a fucking job".  That one's kinda up in air, since they just can't seem to grasp the difference in positions we're in - I have no professional experience or "connections" to call, I have no technical skills, and it's not 1981 - making all of their advice rather meaningless, when what I want is basically for them to do some of the "work" of finding a job for me.  Which of course I resent myself for.

[ToonyMan]

Man whatever I don't even caaaaaaaare what I'm doing.  My college anxiety is bubbling up unconscious as I try to suppress it by avoiding social contact with anybody.  I spend my whole summer doing what I want to and I should be fine with that.  My parents are home so I make them give me the $130 I need for the rest of tuition, oh wait why would they have money in the first place.  I'll just use my graduation money I guess.  Then again I don't care.  I don't care about having a successful career or having fucking money.  Fuck money that's what my parents always fight about why do I need it.  I don't want money, I don't want success, I don't want anything.  Why am I going to college again?

I guess it will keep me going.

[freeformschooler]

well written essay about how badly i've screwed up

complete life apathy

What, why, why would you two write these. You are two of the most sense-making people on the forum.

Remember:
1) If you haven't burned a bridge, there's usually time to make up for at least part of whatever you've done.
2) Things that go downhill also, after a time, tend to slant upwards once more, even if it takes effort on your part
3) If you haven't completely destroyed a part of your life, you can help yourself by improving your actions, self-esteem and life outlook, starting with this statement: you're better than you probably think you are.

[Duke 2.0]

 Oh hell I'm out of sync with this bummer parade.

 Aqizzar you could check out your old college, they seem to generally have offices for finding employment opportunities for people just out of college and with your exact problems. I know we all worry with our studies and think that all this time and all this money is pointless with the economy the way it is and we are just gonna be old farts by the time things improve, but we know all those stupid stories of managers and overseers who get too much pay for how unqualified they are at actual leadership. That could be you one day chewing out a dude for not messing with a thing after telling him not to mess with the thing.

 And Toony, bro, I know it;s hard and messing with your parents and their plans is the hardest thing in the world. Even if you can't directly speak with them leave a note stating the situation. At least then they will have time to think it over and start a discussion already in the reasonable phase instead of the initial shock of a conversation that is probably as awkward and difficult for them as you.

[Truean]

I'm actually reading essays critiquing TKaM for white centrism as we type =)  I've already read the novel a couple of times.

And obviously, there's rhetoric papers and so on.

The Autobiography of Malcolm X is also really interesting.

Thanks!


*sigh*

Time to get educated.

[nod nod] Yeah, I knew about these, hence why it isn't perfect, and in fact is quite flawed. It does have some very bad parts to it; no doubt.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atticus_Finch
This character, I maintain at least tried, in an era where he knew trying was in vain.
Finch's line: "If you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you'll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it"

Atticus Finch's willingness to stand up for the socially outcast is the eponymous inspiration for the Atticus Circle, an organization for straight allies of the LGBT rights movement. http://www.atticuscircle.org/about-atticus-circle

Not perfect, not by a longshot, but not entirely damnable in every sense.

[ToonyMan]

And Toony, bro, I know it;s hard and messing with your parents and their plans is the hardest thing in the world. Even if you can't directly speak with them leave a note stating the situation. At least then they will have time to think it over and start a discussion already in the reasonable phase instead of the initial shock of a conversation that is probably as awkward and difficult for them as you.

I think I need to confront them directly that I don't feel right at all.  Like, emotionally and mentally.  I shouldn't be complaining because sorting out the tuition thing will be easy and there's going to be a orientation next Thursday anyway.  Any questions that need to be asked will be asked there.  I will be getting my ID as well which will allow me to open my bank account finally.  Since I'm not a big spender (or much at all really) I'm just gonna leave it in there for safety and for stuff I have to purchase at college.

[SalmonGod]

Sigh... here comes another crackdown at the workplace.  They're doing another round of putting everyone's time usage under a microscope.  Interrogations and punishments any time a few minutes are unaccounted for.  Looks like I won't be here much for a while.  Already suffering severe burnout from taking care of the entire family by myself since my wife can't do anything that involves getting out of bed without help for the next couple months.  Now I get to look forward to being a robot 8 hours a day for who knows how long.

A week ago, I was making really exciting plans for another push at career building, and had one of my best friends completely on-board for collaboration.  So much for that.  Every fucking time.  Ever since I was a little kid... every fucking time something starts going well for me, shit like this happens.  I swear I'm cursed.

With any luck, I'll be frequenting this place again in a couple months... until then, well wishes to all of you.

[Aqizzar]

Well, that's a shame Salmon.  Here's hoping you get some connection outside of work, if that's the problem.

Aqizzar you could check out your old college, they seem to generally have offices for finding employment opportunities for people just out of college and with your exact problems.

Ah ha, ha ha, ha, ha ha ha.  And ha.  I gave up on those assholes months ago.  Completely an utterly useless.  I'd still recommend anyone going to their college employment service or whatever first sure, but the one at my college was literally just a proprietary Monster.com with less scrutiny and it never updates.

[Nadaka]

I'm never going to pursue more friendships or another serious romance until I have proven I am a halfway decent excuse for an adult.  Step One in that process is employment enough to support myself, because it is impossible to present myself as anything but a failure at life until I have my own residence and income.  And I am never, ever, going to find a real job.  I've missed every opportunity I ever had before, and now I'll never have one again - by the time there is any serious number of job openings anywhere that I can go to, I'll be too old and overqualified compared to all the people like current-me I'll be competing with, still with nothing to my name but a Bachelor's Degree of Nothing and a bunch of years as a part-time warehouse monkey.

It's even starting to fuck up my relationship with my family, which is kinda important, because I'm getting more bitter and resentful about my life by the day.  This just compounds the problem, since I know I have no good reason to take it out on anyone (except myself of course, I can always use more blame).  I feel like my parents could be more supportive, but the only thing my mind can think of as support is "tell me this isn't my fault, and that it really is as hard as I make it look" (which they kinda do, but I never believe, and I know they're getting sick of me whinging all the time, even if they refuse to admit it), and "find me a fucking job".  That one's kinda up in air, since they just can't seem to grasp the difference in positions we're in - I have no professional experience or "connections" to call, I have no technical skills, and it's not 1981 - making all of their advice rather meaningless, when what I want is basically for them to do some of the "work" of finding a job for me.  Which of course I resent myself for.

I was 28 before I got a real job. I am sure you have plenty of time to find something to do. Even if it means going back for a masters or doctorate while the economy is bad.

[SalmonGod]

Connections would be great, but my biggest problems is lack of time and energy at the end of the day to put towards an art career.  Full-time job and family just take too much out of me.  I need time to actually make stuff, and it just doesn't happen.  Every time I gather up some energy and motivation and stability, another crisis happens.  My kid becomes diabetic.  My wife throws her back out (x2) or breaks her feet, becoming bed-ridden.  I get a MRSA infection.  My dad gets a stroke.  Some new soul-sucking crackdown at work.  Etc.  All these things have happened since I graduated two years ago.  It's a wonder I did graduate as successfully as I did, when my second kid was born exactly 4 days after my final presentation, which put career building on hold for a few months anyway.

Frustrating.

[Vector]

I've been thinking about the whole "don't date people with problems" thing and it's been making me a tad bit depressed.

Hurray for cyclic narratives.

[Solifuge]

My books for this semester were $611... No fuck YOU textbook companies.

Dear Scaraban,

Consider renting your textbooks online through one of the better services. I got a new-condition textbook for the entire semester for only $15.

I wouldn't suggest renting, myself... but then, I like to keep my textbooks for the future. You want to watch out for electronic rentals especially; working in the university bookstore business, I know that they sometimes expire before your course is over, depending on course length.

You know, I get a ridiculous percentage discount on textbooks for summer work at the bookstore. You can always look into that to both earn a bit of spare cash, and help cut the cost a bit. Also, I can conceivably snag a few textbooks using my discount, provided my university was using the same texts, or could order them.

[Scaraban]

That might be possible for my second year, but as it stands they have a full crew and I'm still not even 18 yet.

[RedKing]

I can do better than only having read I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and The Color Purple, and then going "Wait, why haven't I seen many interesting black characters?  Why are my preconceptions so weird?"

It's not like that's even a guarantor of anything.  The only book by a black author I've read was Giovanni's Room, and that's quite explicitly not about being black.  Interesting to interpret I guess, how a black author in the 1950s interprets his life through a white character.

That's actually kind of refreshing. I mean, nobody generally bats an eye if a white author writes about something other than "what it's like to be white". So it's a bit weird that black authors are expected to always be writing about "the black experience". Which for some reason reminds me of this bit from the Venture Brothers:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Jefferson Twilight: Yes, I only hunt blaculas.
Guild Candidate: Oh, so you only hunt African-American vampires?
Jefferson Twilight: No, sometimes I hunt British vampires. They don't have "African Americans" in England!
Guild Candidate: Oh yeah, huh, good point.
Jefferson Twilight: So I hunt blaculas.
Guild Candidate: I was just trying to be...
Jefferson Twilight: Man, I specialize in hunting black vampires, I don't know what the P.C. name for that is!

[Vector]

Nah, I'm not saying black people all have to write about being black.  That'd be ridiculous.

I'm just saying that it'd be cool to write more books by black people, just for the hell of it.