If it's any help at all, Vector, you are literally my dream. In that I once had a dream about you. I think. There was an animate steak with your voice, and I was arguing with it about something, but then there was a zombie that we had to escape from. But... that is probably actually not any help at all, what with the equivocation and all.
Maybe more relevant, and possibly somewhat more creepy, I like you because of the way you seem to structure your thoughts. It's not so much about your intellect or purity or anything, but you just seem to make sense to me. On the one hand, it's a bit annoying that whatever sense of that I get from your posts is on a level where I can't usually seem to articulate exactly what I think I see there. But on the other, it's unprecedented (for me) to get a sense of empathy with someone like that over plaintext communication. And you are one gorramn interesting person, all that besides.
Some of your frustration feels familiar; I know who I am, and I have some idea of who I want to be, but nearly everyone else seems to have their own ideas about those and none of them really line up with me. For me it's easier to shrug off the who I am stuff, but when other people make suggestions (even genuinely helpful ones) or ask questions or otherwise demonstrate the assumptions they have about what I'm doing with my life or who I'm trying to be, it always jolts me with the question, "Wait, am I doing it wrong? Should I be aiming for something else?" And I think you've come to the same conclusion I have, that it's worth it even if nobody else understands or agrees or just assumes you're crazy for not thinking like they do. But that still doesn't make it hurt any less to feel like your vision of yourself is constantly the subject of attempts to "correct" it.
I might be missing the point here, but even so, your post got me thinking about my own self, and I feel like I want to post that now anyway. If it helps you as well as get some thoughts off my chest, then that'd be ideal, but either way is fine.
-----
@Toony
I think I understand a bit of your trouble, too. Maybe. Of my family, I've always been the "good" or "smart" one. Only one who's followed the "standard" life path (good grades in high school, good grades in college), might end up being the first in the family to get a doctorate (though that's largely up in the air, the fact that it's even an option is kind of staggering considering my mother has been single most of my life and is a state employee to boot). Half the time, I feel like this is just some soulless grind that is gonna end with me working on some incredibly boring, pointless thing for virtually no pay while drowning in debt, but college has helped a lot with that. Not completely (the "drowning in debt" part is a pretty recent addition), but it wasn't until my latter two years (when I started taking classes that weren't just stupid prerequisites) that I actually felt like learning was something I wanted to do. And the pressure from my family, even if totally unintended, just isn't really fun. It makes me feel like I don't really have a choice and just have to keep doing this, because they expect it. But, well, that's not the only reason now; I hope you find something to motivate you beyond "Well, I have to".
I can't really speak for the family stuff; about the only problem I have is that I can't talk about politics with my extended family, lest there be arguments forever. That's become less true lately (the family is largely disgusted with a particular party at this point, so the main point of contention is no longer an issue), but it's about the only problem I've got with them besides the pressure one mentioned above. Good luck, though, man.
Author
Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9704483 times)