The stuff with my mom, which I posted about a few days back, is making me feel sick.
She's been my only advocate and social contact for so long that I don't know what to do anymore. I have to keep close contact for two more years, at least. She wants me to be within visiting-every-week distance for the rest of my life. I want to be on separate continents and talk on the phone at most once per month. Of course, I haven't told her that because she'll cry and pressure me until I relent. This is what happens every time I say I don't want to live nearby.
Similarly, she is so convinced about her bigotry that I have no way to educate her to the contrary. Whatsoever. She doesn't understand that the news is so spun up these days that she isn't learning anything true or honest about the world.
That, and I'm still very, very lonely. I need the school year to start so that I can go find some professors to glom onto. My German course is just annoying, not challenging or interesting in the least. The three+ hours of social contact a day are making me really exhausted. I go to class and then I don't have energy for anything else important. I always have homework. My female roommate is strong-arming me and treating me badly. She's probably about twice my age.
I suspect it's because she's envious of my education and opportunities; at 21, I'm better-educated, more worldly, and better-read than she will ever be. In any case, she's pitching a fit and pretty much taking every available opportunity to mess with me while pretending that we're friends, so that I can't ever fire back. She's also displayed a certain amount of intolerance--enough that she creeps me out quite a bit.
I love my other roommates, but apparently she's just not going to leave, and these vendettas are just one of those things she pulls on people. So I have to leave.
Too bad I don't have any desire to look for housing.