Ugh... there's no logical counter to it, because it's an argument without logic. That's highly lame. I'd try to have a heart to heart with her, and let her understand how frustrated that makes you, why it frustrates you, and why she can't get away with that brand of irresponsibility/double-standards on her part, and other such nonsense... but only if I was fairly sure I could keep calm at it.
Anyway, I sorta chewed out two of my friends the other day... and I'm not sure I was in the right about it. Well, I know what I was saying was in the right, but I don't know... it's tough for me to draw the line between what constitutes humor, and what constitutes hate-speech. Faux misogyny and racism as humor is like their thing, and knowing them both pretty well, when they say it they mean it as humor. It's not based on actual feelings they have, and actually might be a way they learned to subvert the small-minded people around them, or the old ideas they grew up surrounded by.
Still... we were hanging out, and they spent 5-odd hours continuously making racist quips about the "hajis" and "slant-eyes", and saying absolutely ridiculously sexist things about women, all of which done in the spirit of self-parody... and when I tried to explain how I find it childish, stupid, and annoying, all they say in response is "Dude, it's a joke. Lighten up."
It was pissing me off, and I couldn't figure out how to explain it to them, so I barked at them a bit and left. Was I in the wrong for getting angry at that? If not, how do you let people like that know that it isn't okay? How do you address how fucked up a double-standard that is without sounding completely irrational?