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[Laterigrade]

Oftentimes I don't reply because whatever I seem to come up with is just some boomer ass sounding platitude you don't need to hear again.

Same here. I read most things in these threads but I rarely feel I have anything useful to say to anyone here.

[dragdeler]

what is teletype

[JoshuaFH]

Every week I have a DnD session with some friends of mine. These are all friends I've met online (and have never met in-person) and we play through Roll20. This constitutes pretty much all of my socialization for the week, and each session is very enjoyable, though maybe because of that fact it leaves me feeling really very depressed afterwards getting dumped back into my usual loneliness post-session. Moreover, I can't help but mentally dissect my behavior afterwards and always come to the conclusion that I'm a cynical sociopath that simply emulates the emotional intelligence that comes naturally to an ordinary person. The evidence of this is always that, somewhere in the couple of hours we spend together, my mask slips and I'll say something really heartless and/or inappropriate. I try to be very jocular with my friends here, but for example a friend will mention how much they love the adorable little Pikmin when she's playing the game and doesn't want them to die, I just instinctively fumble over my words to say something like "But they're supposed to be your disposable suicide units." and I realize that I've gotten too complacent and didn't think before speaking, so I just said something heartless towards a totally normal sentiment. I want to apologize, but I don't even know what I'd be apologizing for... just for ruining the mood I guess, but I feel that I'd be doing the age old mistake of "Apologizing for getting caught, not for committing the crime." ...

I'm getting older (I'm the oldest one in my friend group) at 34. Being reminded of that fact makes me sick, I suppose for inescapable mid-life crisis reasons... but getting older also seems to mean that my skin is getting thicker, and it's getting harder and harder to feel how I used to feel about a lot of things. I'm just getting more cynical, more debased, further and further away from the ideal of normality that promises the humble happiness that I'm perpetually denied...

I know the feels of wanting to help someone who doesn’t want help. (And also getting involved in someone else’s filth.) It sucks that they’re possibly dragging an innocent down with them. But you gotta remember Josh, you can’t destroy yourself to save them. At some point, you have to do what’s right by you. The best thing I think you can do is call child protective services. That’s the best help you can give that kid.

I've had your post here in a tab here in my browser open for a couple days here Nenjin. I've just been contemplating some more. For all my Sister's faults, my niece really does love her Mom an awful lot. Obviously I think that's the instinct of every child. I just don't want to inflict that kind of trauma to my niece, and I don't want to permanently estrange myself to the remainder of my shitty little family. Especially when I feel, deep down, that forgiving them for their faults is the last spiritual test I have to overcome before I'm allowed to be human.

[Loud Whispers]

The sad thing is that my little brother will never know the days when 20 liras could buy you and your friends all the junk food you could want. He and his friends barely have enough to share with a 50 now.

And you know what is worse? You know what is even worse?! Half the goddamn country is so stupid, they can't even understand why these changes happen. No, this is not reductionist. No, this is not discriminatory. It is just the truth.

I always judge how well people are doing by how many loaves of bread they can buy. People often don't even understand how badly they are being screwed by their company until you do the bread numbers

[Maximum Spin]

Every week I have a DnD session with some friends of mine. These are all friends I've met online (and have never met in-person) and we play through Roll20. This constitutes pretty much all of my socialization for the week, and each session is very enjoyable, though maybe because of that fact it leaves me feeling really very depressed afterwards getting dumped back into my usual loneliness post-session. Moreover, I can't help but mentally dissect my behavior afterwards and always come to the conclusion that I'm a cynical sociopath that simply emulates the emotional intelligence that comes naturally to an ordinary person.

A cynical sociopath wouldn't care about that to begin with.

The evidence of this is always that, somewhere in the couple of hours we spend together, my mask slips and I'll say something really heartless and/or inappropriate. I try to be very jocular with my friends here, but for example a friend will mention how much they love the adorable little Pikmin when she's playing the game and doesn't want them to die, I just instinctively fumble over my words to say something like "But they're supposed to be your disposable suicide units." and I realize that I've gotten too complacent and didn't think before speaking, so I just said something heartless towards a totally normal sentiment. I want to apologize, but I don't even know what I'd be apologizing for... just for ruining the mood I guess, but I feel that I'd be doing the age old mistake of "Apologizing for getting caught, not for committing the crime." ...

... but also that's a totally normal thing to say. They ARE supposed to be disposable suicide units (... I think, I haven't played it), so reassuring another player that it's okay and expected to lose a few and you don't have to feel bad about it is completely normal and polite.

[TD1]

The girl I was seeing returned to her country of origin on Friday (Germany).

On Saturday to Tuesday I went on a hiking/sea-cliff climbing camping trip with friends.

On returning on Tuesday, I figured I'd found emotional equilibrium and went for drinks with a friend.

Ended the night getting into an argument with security and being thrown out. (Which constitutes a first for me.)


Oh also she said she didn't want long distance but over the past few days she's sent regular messages and multiple phone calls. Which is not helping me get over her.

Edit: Oh, and she's planning to meet me in Germany at some point and then come back here to go on a camping trip with me next summer...................

[nenjin]

Yeah. I really love the "I can't have a relationship with you but I also can't let you go" female approach. Like, FFS. What do you expect guys to do? Pine for you eternally until you eventually find someone else that you can have a relationship with, and just cast off the old flame? "So long and thanks for all the feels."

I guess it cuts both ways though. You can simply stop responding to her. But chances are you don't want to let go yet either. Neither person wants to do the emotionally hard thing even though it's probably the right thing.

That said, when she says "I can't have relationship with you" and then proceeds to text you.......I feel like that is on her, not you.

edit

Like I'm basically going through the same thing right now. Heard "I can't have a relationship with you." Ok. I start emotionally disconnecting. Stop texting her. Give her her space. Start feeling "normal" again. Then out the blue she texts and says "I miss you." Like, WTF do you actually want!!!!! Do my freaking feelings not matter at all?

[dragdeler]

Reminds me of when I finished school with my ex and to us it was super over for an afternoon sitting all depressed in front of the school, and then we just went on to visit eachother on the weekends 250 km away and that worked for a few years until we moved together. It's really funny to me now how we were sulking that day a little more than 12 years ago. No right answers here tho 2 countries and the sea over... m'yeah


I don't think the picmin comment was shocking at all, so long as it wasn't prefaced with who cares or said in an irritated manner that might imply it. If you raised the tone in a manner that implies asking a question that's very ok in my book. Allways been intrigued by the franchise never bothered.

[JoshuaFH]

Every week I have a DnD session with some friends of mine. These are all friends I've met online (and have never met in-person) and we play through Roll20. This constitutes pretty much all of my socialization for the week, and each session is very enjoyable, though maybe because of that fact it leaves me feeling really very depressed afterwards getting dumped back into my usual loneliness post-session. Moreover, I can't help but mentally dissect my behavior afterwards and always come to the conclusion that I'm a cynical sociopath that simply emulates the emotional intelligence that comes naturally to an ordinary person.

A cynical sociopath wouldn't care about that to begin with.

The evidence of this is always that, somewhere in the couple of hours we spend together, my mask slips and I'll say something really heartless and/or inappropriate. I try to be very jocular with my friends here, but for example a friend will mention how much they love the adorable little Pikmin when she's playing the game and doesn't want them to die, I just instinctively fumble over my words to say something like "But they're supposed to be your disposable suicide units." and I realize that I've gotten too complacent and didn't think before speaking, so I just said something heartless towards a totally normal sentiment. I want to apologize, but I don't even know what I'd be apologizing for... just for ruining the mood I guess, but I feel that I'd be doing the age old mistake of "Apologizing for getting caught, not for committing the crime." ...

... but also that's a totally normal thing to say. They ARE supposed to be disposable suicide units (... I think, I haven't played it), so reassuring another player that it's okay and expected to lose a few and you don't have to feel bad about it is completely normal and polite.

Ahh... please forgive my melodrama then. I do feel that my intrusive thoughts are becoming more powerful and more frequent lately, so when they're battering me late at night I just gotta vomit them out, and Bay12 here is just my favorite spot to do so.

[scriver]

It's what's we're here for, no worries

[Loud Whispers]

Yeah. I really love the "I can't have a relationship with you but I also can't let you go" female approach. Like, FFS. What do you expect guys to do? Pine for you eternally until you eventually find someone else that you can have a relationship with, and just cast off the old flame? "So long and thanks for all the feels."

Lmao I knew a girl who did that to a guy who worked in insurance. He was literally her insurance option. But the real cake was one of my old uni peers; she was bi and got asked out by a les girl. She turns down les girl. Tells me she doesn't know if she wants a long term relationship with a guy or gal and needs time to figure it out. Fair enough - but she then tells les girl she doesn't like her hanging out with other girls.

???
Props for good communication skills but bro you are not Virginia Woolf XD

Like I'm basically going through the same thing right now. Heard "I can't have a relationship with you." Ok. I start emotionally disconnecting. Stop texting her. Give her her space. Start feeling "normal" again. Then out the blue she texts and says "I miss you." Like, WTF do you actually want!!!!! Do my freaking feelings not matter at all?

One of my friends was dating this girl for 13 months when she suggested they break up. He asked her why she wanted to break up and she said she felt they should see other people since maintaining their relationship was more like a chore than something to look forward to. He says okay and they break up, in what he thought was a fairly mature and reasonable breakup. He finds out the next day from mutual friends she never wanted to break up and just wanted him to show her more attention, and she told all of their mutual friends that he had spontaneously dumped her. Many lost friends and 4 years later, she has a new boyfriend and contacts him, asking him how he's been and whether he'd like to meet up for a coffee or something. My friend is all "sure be great to catch up with you two" but she keeps pushing to meet him without her boyfriend and he just saw the red flags and bailed

[Great Order]

Well if someone ever tells me I'm not allowed to hang around with people of a certain gender I'm just taking that as the soviet military parade it is and ditching them.

I've got enough of my own issues, appeasing someone's ridiculous level of jealousy isn't something I'll abide by. Also it'd mean ditching a good number of friends and I wouldn't.

[TD1]

I guess it cuts both ways though. You can simply stop responding to her. But chances are you don't want to let go yet either. Neither person wants to do the emotionally hard thing even though it's probably the right thing.

Yeaa, I'm having trouble letting go. It's not really been a problem in the past. I've ruthlessly severed all ties following every relationship, because that's how I move on.

One factor is we didn't 'break up' per se, as there wasn't any compatibility issue; just geography.

Another is that she's been.... I dunno, particularly special to me? And I don't want to hurt her by cutting her out.

And thirdly.... yep, I'm weak, and the messages temporarily scratch an emotional itch.

[Flying Teasets]

Knowing that I'll never be able to make friends here because I'm terribly dull.

[nenjin]

I guess it cuts both ways though. You can simply stop responding to her. But chances are you don't want to let go yet either. Neither person wants to do the emotionally hard thing even though it's probably the right thing.

Yeaa, I'm having trouble letting go. It's not really been a problem in the past. I've ruthlessly severed all ties following every relationship, because that's how I move on.

One factor is we didn't 'break up' per se, as there wasn't any compatibility issue; just geography.

Another is that she's been.... I dunno, particularly special to me? And I don't want to hurt her by cutting her out.

And thirdly.... yep, I'm weak, and the messages temporarily scratch an emotional itch.

Pretty much my situation. We're separated by (what I consider) minor geography. We connected hard early on, and didn't really break up either.

It's a good sign that even if your relationship isn't going how you want, you prioritize someone's feelings and want the best for them no matter what happens. That's maturity.

That said.....doesn't mean it doesn't feel like a knife in your guts every time you think about it. I know it doesn't really bear repeating but I will: it hurts less over time.