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[Flying Teasets]

I feel like I'm having a stroke.

Max are you with us? Can you reach a hospital?

[King Zultan]

Glad I'm not the only one that has trouble figuring out what dragdeler is saying sometimes.

[ChairmanPoo]

I think dragdeler posts make more sense if you read them aloud in rap format
This helps
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjWwR5FGj1k

[Magmacube_tr]

The doublesnakedicked demiurge impeesoned the light onto the turtleback.

YEAH I HATE IALDABAOTH TOO MAN!!!

[martinuzz]

Dragdeler, the only person in the history of humankind that can confuse Confucius

[dragdeler]

It's all a meme right? I say communication don't work and you go "whaa?" ... I get it.


First of all if she's half as nice as she was able to make herself appear, she deserves better than grouchy antisocial misanthrop.

And second I hate how I feel after social interactions, even positive ones. it poisons my thoughts and I'm not myself for hours or even the rest of the day... Shit's fine when I'm unemployed take a day for everytime I went somewhere... As it stands I'm allready dishing out rejection left and right to feel both sad at my own inadequacy as well as a grim satisfaction yeah you can have some too, serves you right.

There is no job that pays reasonable and has low hours... You're either paid like shit and have hours unnacounted for. Or your paid enough to live when you have no more life to spend it on. I try to stick with this job because it's the best I ever had... The intial thinking was: better to not want to live 2 days a week than 5. 5 times 6 hours a day is manageable, if I loose 2-3 hours pouting I still got a bit of evening left over to enjoy life an hour or two. Now let's not mention the saturdays. 5>2 simple mathemathics.

I don't want to know more people, I roll my eyes when my phone goes, I'm anxious while they're there, and I worry once they're gone. I know myself well enough to know there is no point in trying in hope for another outcome.

[nenjin]

Sounds like you just haven't met someone that can see through your gruff exterior to the nougat inside. It seems impossible until it happens.

I talked my girl and we got some stuff sorted out. New relationships are tough, distance ones even tougher and then you add the holidays on top of it. But we got the on the same page about a few things and I'm pleased.

And honestly.....sometimes when I read dragdealer's replies, I always think of someone who took too many psychedelics and it's impacted the way they communicate

[dragdeler]

I've had one relationship that lasted 4,5 years, from 20 to 25. I was younger but I proved pretty much unable to hold down a job during that time. Also we only saw eachother on the weekends school vacations and such, that helped a lot. We were crazy for eachother for a looong time, I spent so much time in the train to go to brussels, and she to come here. Everything went downhill pretty fast when we tried to move together, I tried to pick up studies, and misfortune kept piling on. These days I'm convinced that had circumstances been easier on me I still would have failed miserably. Her mother passed away not that long ago, bless her soul, one of the wisest people I ever got the priviledge to meet... Once she found a few books by the roadside and gifted them to my ex, except for the epics of gilgamesh, which I understood to be for me, we exchanged a knowing look before I grabbed the book and thanked her, and my ex was kinda dumbfounded like "how did y'all know?!". I'm grateful she ended it because I would have followed her anywhere without ever letting on what's wrong with me, I might never had understood it anyways.


Whatever happened after her were just a few confusing and frustrating episodes, one of which I tolerate as one my closest friends now I guess? She knows how to invite herself over here without being a nuisance and when somebody works around your boundaries like that it's impossible to refuse. Life is fucking weird, but if I ascertain objectively she is the person the most up to date on my life, besides my parents. I was relieved when she found herself a now longterm boyfriend that fits. Eventho she contributed also to my hopelessnes I wouldn't even have thought to mention her hadn't she just chatted me up to talk about new years eve. I prefer not to think about the other sex, but what's funny to me and why write this whole paragraph: it took this random event of her reminding me her exisitence, while I write a text about this subject, for me to realize that while she might have taken a few solid swings at my libido, it was me personally who took it out in the backyard and shot it in the head.


Also when I barge in here nofilter to excise some intrusive thoughts I keep to myself IRL (except when I loose my shit and yell), the goal is to take them out of me and leave them rot somewhere, so that when I come back I am unable to identify with the traces of past me, like usual. I am not yet crazy enough to leave a detailed report of my insecurities on a silver platter, where I usually act in unlikable ways. If you wanna know you gotta give it some of your own. Which leads me back to what's wrong with me.

Thank you for the words of encouragement Nenjin but there is no nougat, if there was I ate it and nobody can have any. There is only a presumably somewhat charismatic public persona, (because I get around and I get along IRL) that leaves me feeling hollow once I hang it on the coathanger, that I cannot identify for shit with. True me is meest when there is undistinctive thougts with bits and pieces of every language I talk flaring up, that somehow amount to mostly tacit understanding.

[nenjin]

Hey man, I'd have said I was beyond the point of being found by someone as recently as a month ago. Never shut the door on it though. You. Just. Never. Actually. Know.

[Telgin]

Ah, another year, another round of layoffs around Christmas.

I missed the layoffs again, but it's very demoralizing to hear that the company is firing people right now.  Right after Christmas.  Right after being awarded "Best place to work!" by some organization that I don't think actually rates a company based on any real criteria.  Despite hiring people in some of the departments affected.  Despite us supposedly being the most profitable subdivision of the company.

There's some temptation to say more about where I work, but I know it's unprofessional so I won't.  I've been increasingly uncomfortable working here for ethical reasons and generally dislike how things have been since we were recently acquired, but I'm always too chicken to quit  Not to mention that I'd be tossing a few people under a bus by doing so, who would have a lot of problems trying to pick up the pieces of all of the systems I maintain.  Kind of not my problem, but I always put too much emphasis on the people part of work I guess.

[nenjin]

Don't let loyalty hamstring your future. Especially to your coworkers. That might sound cruel but at the end of the day, they're not going to pay your bills or help make you successful. You may like them, but that is an intangible compared to things like not hating your job, not feeling ethically compromised, a retirement account and a pay check.

You can always look for better jobs while maintaining your old one. Just some food for thought.

[Telgin]

The somewhat funny and somewhat sad thing is that I've had two people come to me recently with unsolicited job offers and I ended up turning them down over loyalty to where I am now.

I keep thinking that some day something will happen that breaks the loyalty or convinces me to get out of my comfort zone and quit, but it keeps not happening.  In a way I almost wish they'd laid me off since then it's not my "fault."  I'm honestly surprised they didn't since I was a squeaky wheel about this about 6 months ago and gave honest and critical feedback during our last company survey that led to that best place to work award.

But that's life I guess.  Makes no sense a lot of the time.

Well.  Guess it doesn't hurt to look.

[nenjin]

Occasionally the universe is trying to tell you something. I get the pain of change; I've been at my job a decade and there are multiple times where the way things are almost made me quit. So I'm not exactly practicing what I preach. Then again, I've never had people knocking on my door with job offers. If someone came to me with a $15k or $20k pay increase for a new job, I would be hard pressed not to say yes. I'd give my company the chance to match of course. But I kind of dream of a job where I get paid more for less frontline "expertise" hot seat bullshit that is part and parcel of my current position.

[BlackFlyme]

I've gotten a few factory offers before, even though I'm listed as a 3d modeler on a few job sites. It was always for machines outside of what I'm experienced with, too. My fault for including my non-art experience, I guess.

But rival offers might be leverage to get a raise, even if you aren't interested in the other job.

[bloop_bleep]

The somewhat funny and somewhat sad thing is that I've had two people come to me recently with unsolicited job offers and I ended up turning them down over loyalty to where I am now.

I keep thinking that some day something will happen that breaks the loyalty or convinces me to get out of my comfort zone and quit, but it keeps not happening.  In a way I almost wish they'd laid me off since then it's not my "fault."  I'm honestly surprised they didn't since I was a squeaky wheel about this about 6 months ago and gave honest and critical feedback during our last company survey that led to that best place to work award.

But that's life I guess.  Makes no sense a lot of the time.

Well.  Guess it doesn't hurt to look.

Is your company loyal to you? To your coworkers?

Given their recent actions, I would say no. I would say you're just bags of profit to them who are kept around as long as you're useful. Loyalty that's not mutual is just servitude. Don't be a servant.

Why should the free market say that the company can fuck over whoever they want without question for the sake of profit, but they should mean more to you than the income they give you? Screw them, the free market cuts both ways.