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[Dunamisdeos]

I'm really sad tonight you guys.

My neighbor has been really nasty to my wife, and has been since we moved here. She was very rude to me. She's made up reasons (lying that my son is touching/playing with her car, for instance, when hes just playing on the sidewalk) to verbally attack my wife and my son, using profanity and enough volume that people across the street came to see if my wife was in any danger after the fact.

Thing is, I'm worried that it could be racially motivated. Mind you i'm white af and they are african american, so this is not usually the direction that river flows in. We get nasty looks when my son's in-home care specialist (who is black) comes by, and they go out of their way to be super pleasant to other african americans and rude to other white folks. I tried to reach out and bring some food to them to show we don't hold any animosity, but the wife there got mad about it and insinuated that I was intimidating her.

I feel like doing nothing just lets hate win. I feel like I have a responsibility to reach out, not in a racial issue sense (which is just a suspicion anyway) but in the sense that they are obviously just living with a lot of anger or hate and I just want to reach out to my fellow man.

I don't know what to do, and I'm just really sad for anyone who lives with those feelings.

Quickedit: I guess I know theres likely really nothing I can do, but talking about it still helps.

[EuchreJack]

Thing is, I'm worried that it could be racially motivated. Mind you i'm white af and they are african american, so this is not usually the direction that river flows in. We get nasty looks when my son's in-home care specialist (who is black) comes by, and they go out of their way to be super pleasant to other african americans and rude to other white folks. I tried to reach out and bring some food to them to show we don't hold any animosity, but the wife there got mad about it and insinuated that I was intimidating her.

That could be construed as very offensive.  I mean, if it was just cookies then fine.
But anything more than that implies you think they are poor because they are black.

Tell your son to stay away from their stuff.  It apparently sets them off.
You can't fix everything.  Your neighbors are hostile due to factors outside of your control, thus you can't fix their reasons for being upset.

The real world isn't some hippie commune.  You gotta start small. 
Just say hi and nod politely then go on with your day when you see them in the hallways if that small act does not cause a negative reaction.

Hm, I note that you moved there.  Which means they were there first, so it is you that needs to acclimate to their environment. 
Which means shut up, listen and look. Recon.
It is entirely possible the whole reason you're getting this treatment is because these neighbors are Top Dog in your micro-community.  Once you show them deference and respect, they might just growl at you occasionally.

Also: Try to avoid the phrase "verbally attacked".  Please, just stop using that term.  It unintentionally minimizes people who have been physically attacked.
I'm sure you don't mean to cause offense by using that term, hence I'm trying to be as nice as possible about it.

[martinuzz]

Thing is, I'm worried that it could be racially motivated. Mind you i'm white af and they are african american, so this is not usually the direction that river flows in. We get nasty looks when my son's in-home care specialist (who is black) comes by, and they go out of their way to be super pleasant to other african americans and rude to other white folks. I tried to reach out and bring some food to them to show we don't hold any animosity, but the wife there got mad about it and insinuated that I was intimidating her.

That could be construed as very offensive.  I mean, if it was just cookies then fine.
But anything more than that implies you think they are poor because they are black.

Wut... No, just no. Bringing someone some food, be it cookies or a nice casserole, that's just a friendly gesture.

Tell your son to stay away from their stuff.  It apparently sets them off.
You can't fix everything.  Your neighbors are hostile due to factors outside of your control, thus you can't fix their reasons for being upset.

Their son isn't touching their stuff. They are lying about it.

The real world isn't some hippie commune.  You gotta start small. 
Just say hi and nod politely then go on with your day when you see them in the hallways if that small act does not cause a negative reaction.

Yeah this is just common politeness which I'm sure they are already doing.

Hm, I note that you moved there.  Which means they were there first, so it is you that needs to acclimate to their environment. 
Which means shut up, listen and look. Recon.
It is entirely possible the whole reason you're getting this treatment is because these neighbors are Top Dog in your micro-community.  Once you show them deference and respect, they might just growl at you occasionally.

People who think they can be top dog in a community and growl need to be put on a leash, they have no right.

Also: Try to avoid the phrase "verbally attacked".  Please, just stop using that term.  It unintentionally minimizes people who have been physically attacked.
I'm sure you don't mean to cause offense by using that term, hence I'm trying to be as nice as possible about it.

Then how do you want to call it? Telling people not to use the term minimizes people who have been verbally attacked. I'm sure you don't mean to cause offense, hence I'm trying to be as nice as possible about it.


Sadly, in my personal experience, I have had more experiences with black people being racist than I have with white people being racist, but then again, I don't live in the USA. I am quite fed up with the high-horse riding people that are supposedly outraged about racism, but at the same time can't stop 'white man this white man thatting'.

I tell them spite is a bad foundation to build bridges on.

I once replied with some less tact, when I was personally told 'you white man, you should pay compensation for our slavery'. I told them my transcendental I was too busy being burned on a pyre for causing the Black Death, being killed in Russian pogroms and being gassed in Auschwitz to have any slaves.

[LordBaal]

Wow Duna, your family and you are like the last people in the world deserve this. Sadly racism has made so many damage to many people in your country, its sad. Theres is also the chance they are simply dickehads and is just animosity towards the new guys, regarless of the color of your skin, or so would like to think.

If you are bringing food and is seen as insulting is their problem, nothing wrong there really. Also dont understand why you should not say verbally attacked? Its a good defining term to being assaulted with words/insulted without provocation?

Racism has no place to be in any way or shape, against anyone, yes, white people included. If they knew just how nice his family and Dunas are they would be welcoming you with open hands instead of this.

Deference my ass, they should get the same amount of respect that anybody else, period. Real life is not a kindergarden with "top dogs" you must heed and kneel to. I know is hard but the best in this case is to mind your own business, set some clear boundries, keep being a good person and neigbour and wait things improve overtime, knowing they migth not.

[Dunamisdeos]

Thank you for the replies everyone. Yeah for now we have set see boundaries, and we intend to respect them.

And yeah the car thing, I even checked with wife (and the neighbors who saw it from another physical angle) to make sure we didn't like, miss him messing with her car. She legit waited inside her car for 20 min or so, then when nothing happened came out and started screaming because kids were on the sidewalk playing (in a townhouse complex, where they are parked in a spot that the HOA owns, 3 feet from someone elses property). Super bizarre. And to be clear I can't say for certain its a race thing. Ita just a feelong. Shes also been aware for some time that all the kids in the neighborhood have been told not to touch either of their Lexus. Apparantly another neighborhood kid bumped into her car once like, two years ago tho.

The HOA says they have so many complaints about her behaving this way they might fine them for disturbing the community (the HOA called us to let us know that they had tried to make a complaint about us because someone elses car, that we do not own, had been parked across the street and down the block longer than regs allow) They apparantly get false complaints from the couple there on the regular. It is hard af for me to accept that I can't do anything.

If it is a race thing, I expect someone probably hurt them bad in the past. Nobody acts that way without some kind of pain as a motivator, and thats part of why I'm broken up about it. People can be cruel and it just begets cruelty.

Thanks for lettin me vent some :/

[martinuzz]

Over here, our police has, I think the best way to translate it is 'neighborhood liaison officers' ('wijkagent'). In situations like this you can invite them over for a friendly cup of coffee / talk, and you can have them take notition of the situation. This has no consequences for any party. It just means they've got some intel on the situation if things escalate, and they can also offer some advice on how to avoid escalation, most likely better than we forumites can. They're more like neighborhood social work's eyes and ears than that they are police.

Then again, over here in the Netherlands, the police is your friend, and for the most part, actually honestly join the force to serve and protect (those that apply because they like uniforms, guns, or a position of authority tend to not pass psych evaluation), but perhaps where you live there's some other type of social work's eyes and ears to have a chat with, if only to vent and get you noted as the reasonable side of matters.
Never hurts to install a safety net.

[Dunamisdeos]

Yeah we have an officer that lives across the street who was part of the "check on my wife" crew after that incident (apparently they heard the neighbor belting out cusses right through their walls) but here in the US I'm sort of leery about involving the police directly. To my knowledge the local police are ok, but like... you understand, especially in a situation like this. I ain't tryin' to escalate things. And besides, in a practical sense, it's just an annoying bully sort of thing. Not like they've threatened anybody physically.
 
He is aware in case anything happens tho. Last thing I want to do is make anything worse for them or us, so we just agreed to let everyone be. Just bothers me to see someone living angry like that. I feel compelled to help, and I tried to by reaching out, but that's that, I guess.

[scriver]

It's definitely possible they're just generally angry, yeah. Done people just have a really hard time getting along with anyone.

[bloop_bleep]

Thing is, I'm worried that it could be racially motivated. Mind you i'm white af and they are african american, so this is not usually the direction that river flows in. We get nasty looks when my son's in-home care specialist (who is black) comes by, and they go out of their way to be super pleasant to other african americans and rude to other white folks. I tried to reach out and bring some food to them to show we don't hold any animosity, but the wife there got mad about it and insinuated that I was intimidating her.

That could be construed as very offensive.  I mean, if it was just cookies then fine.
But anything more than that implies you think they are poor because they are black.

Tell your son to stay away from their stuff.  It apparently sets them off.
You can't fix everything.  Your neighbors are hostile due to factors outside of your control, thus you can't fix their reasons for being upset.

The real world isn't some hippie commune.  You gotta start small. 
Just say hi and nod politely then go on with your day when you see them in the hallways if that small act does not cause a negative reaction.

Hm, I note that you moved there.  Which means they were there first, so it is you that needs to acclimate to their environment. 
Which means shut up, listen and look. Recon.
It is entirely possible the whole reason you're getting this treatment is because these neighbors are Top Dog in your micro-community.  Once you show them deference and respect, they might just growl at you occasionally.

Also: Try to avoid the phrase "verbally attacked".  Please, just stop using that term.  It unintentionally minimizes people who have been physically attacked.
I'm sure you don't mean to cause offense by using that term, hence I'm trying to be as nice as possible about it.

This is ridiculous on so many levels...

On what earth is bringing food to someone implying they're poor?

No, you shouldn't be deferent to unnecessarily hostile people. No, you shouldn't acquiesce to bullshit social hierarchies.

"Verbally attacked" is a completely valid phrase and your explanation for why it should not be used makes no sense. Yes, verbally attacked is not the same as physically attacked, that's why there is that "verbally" in front.

Also

Hm, I note that you moved there.  Which means they were there first, so it is you that needs to acclimate to their environment. 
Which means shut up, listen and look.

can you imagine if the races were reversed in this statement, and we were talking about a black family moving into a white neighborhood? I mean, wow...

[Dunamisdeos]

Thanks folks. I guess I feel a bit better. I hope whatever is eating my neighbors works out too.

[LordBaal]

They just sounds like garden variety assholes. Perhaps they are like that due a racist incident, perhaps they are just like that.

The recommendations are still the same, simply keep your distance and you be you. You are awesome and polite, if they can't see that is their loss. Anyone that has someone like your family and you as neighbors is really lucky.

[Dunamisdeos]

Aw thats real nice. Thank you. I needed a little emotional pick me up lol.

[King Zultan]

You seem like a nice person and you and your family don't deserve that kind of treatment.

[martinuzz]

IS is getting back up on it's feet.
Now they are committing terrorist attacks in Israel.
Today, in the second attack in 5 days, two arab gunmen shot 4 people, after which they were killed by off duty police who were eating in a diner nearby.
5 days ago, an arab Israeli drove his car into a bicyclist, got out of his car, and started stabbing random people with a knife, killing 4 before being killed by armed civilians. He was known by the security services for having ties to IS.

Both attacks have been claimed by IS. Israel fears a new wave of terrorist attacks.

Inb4 airstrikes on Syria and Iran. Well, probably not Iran, just Iranian weapons, Hezbollah and IS in Syria

[martinuzz]

Third terrorirst attack in Israel.
A man drove around on a motorcycle near Tel Aviv with an automatic weapon, killing at least 5 people before being killed by the police.