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[JoshuaFH]

So, eh, I quit my job this morning. No real concrete reason why other than that it extremely miserable and stressful, and I know I'd never get any better at it, just every week the same thing, the same angry people, yelling about the same things, in nearly the same ways! It really makes every week feel like something to really dread. So I just logged out, punched out, sent an email to my one superior to tell him that I was quitting, deleted the Work-from-home software from my computer, and spent the rest of the day thinking about it; and feeling like a piece of shit. What a fucking quitter I am, what the fuck am I gonna do for my whole life, but just keep quit quit quitting?

Now I'm back to the age old question that's been haunting me my entire life: how do people live? Like, how are people able to embrace any kind of direction or motivation in their lives? Being such a directionless sadsack really does make every situation feel Lose-Lose. I can keep doing what makes me miserable and get paid and live a little longer OR I can wallow in my shitty apartment and wait for the reaper to take me.

I suppose part of the reason I just quit on a whim was not wanting to be a bad example to my soon-to-be-born niece. I know growing up, all the adult figures in my life were extremely miserable, all of them, without exception, just wanting some escape from reality. That they all chose alcohol for this purpose isn't a coincidence. I don't want to be a miserable person who hates life in front of my niece.

That's really laughable though...

Fortunately I saved up enough money in that job to last me another 2-3 months of joblessness. Guess I'm pounding the streets of Indeed.com again. I hate my life, my life is wasted on a loser like me. So many people want to live, but have to die instead, whereas I clearly don't want to live, but I'm forced to endure every second of it.

[LordBaal]

You are not a loser dude. And have you asked yourself, what would you like to do for a living?

[dragdeler]

a

[nenjin]

I dunno, to me work has never been associated with my self-worth. Work is there to pay bills. Plenty of people make work their identity, let it define who they are. I'm defined by my internal world, not what or how I interact with the external world. So to me, probably around the age of 17, I decided that work wasn't what I wanted to spend my life measuring myself by. Does it pay my bills? Afford me some luxuries? Provide security? Cool. But any job can do that, they just do it to varying degrees. It's a matter of how miserable your job makes you, whether that misery is worth the securities it affords. If your job made you miserable, it's not a reasonable survival equation. But I wouldn't pin your selfworth on what job you have. There are garbage men who go to work with a smile on their faces everyday because it makes them money and they don't mind the smell, they appreciate the steady, uncomplicated nature of the thing that lets them live.

By contrast, my boss is an entrepreneur. That's how he defines himself, from the minute he gets up to the minute he goes to bed. And he wants recognition for that, he wants to be seen as smart, savvy, prescient with business. That's what drives him. He likes looking back at this thing he built and that keeps going on in perpetuity, the way a gardener admires their garden.

I will say that the one thing I can absolutely grok is that work gives you purpose. It means people depend on you, which keeps you grounded in the real world. Not having a job and just drifting, you're in one of two positions: either you have enough money to do whatever you want whenever you want, which technically makes you the idle rich....or you don't have enough money to do whatever you want, so you find compromises with how to live and spend your time. Some people convince themselves that they're living exactly the life they want to within in their means, while others moan and lament that they can't do or afford whatever they want, but also don't want to commit to anything more than what they're already doing.

So yeah. I'd decouple your sense of self-worth based on what kind of job you have. Any job will do, as long as you are willing to go back to it and it doesn't make you hate your own existence. But the point of being human isn't to work; the point of being human is to live. Jobs are a means to that end for most people, nothing more.

[LordBaal]

This reminds me of a history I heard once. Of two convicted criminals sitting next to each other in jail and talking about their lives, one of them lamenting being in prison and how he did not accomplish all he wanted, like graduate, have a family and so on... so the other guy replies "ha, you are such a loser". The first guy looks around and replies: "have you seen where you are are?! You are in jail too!", to which the other guy responds: "Yeah, but all I wanted in life was to rob people, and this is completely natural for my choices in life, this is what I chose and accept it gladly, but you? You wanted to do so many other things but ended up here instead, that makes you a loser".

I wonder what Josh would like to do for a living, because they say "if you find something you like for a living, you'll never work a single day". While that might be a tad poetical and unreal, it does payoff to not hate what you do for a living.

Like the nenjin example, most people work for a living, others live for working. From the most utilitarian point of view, a job is simply a tool or means to a end, for some people that end is the job itself.

On the other hand felling happy with what you actually do is a huge plus not everyone can have, and some-days even dream jobs become heavy and hellish but that do not make the whole thing a bad experience. My take is that you haven't found a correct motivation job and life wise. And again, you are NOT a loser for feeling bad about your current situation and making actual changes for it.


Edit: Did not sleep anything, the little one is with fever.

[Eric Blank]

Three residents have come down with covid, presumably spread to them by a staff member who tested positive on their hall. Everyone on that hall is confined to their rooms, the sick residents have been moved to an isolation ward, were under extra precautions, everyone is being tested twice weekly. And I'm afraid, honestly, that I might contaminate my clothing and accidently introduce it to my father, who is high risk with COPD and a heart condition and absolutely refuses to get vaccinated. I'm having a barely controlled panic attack and cant get it out of my head, and my depression is killing me too. I don't know what I'm going to do, what's going to happen, maybe I should quit my job, but we're barely staying afloat financially right now. This has not been a good week.

[LordBaal]

So pete refuses to take his medicine for the fever, and its been two days. The fever goes away but then the runny nose starts.... we kind of panic and took them to the pediatrician. Peter is currently fine, just a rhinitis.

But his behaviour grants a visit to the physicologist. We explain everything we have been through and the doc says that ie being without a home, or having to abruptly leave what was his home for the first 3 years of his life migth have induced a mourn like feeling for him. He still very occasionally cries and ask when are we going back home... or why we aren't going to another place, that this house is old and ugly..

He also send us with a phonetics doctor because he miss pronounces some words, but is nothing wrong phisically, its just to give us some advice on how help correct it at home and he assure us that once Pedro starts going back to school it will help a lot. (He was supposed to start school today again but not while he is sick).

Also we are told to get him to the cardiologist, because its a routine thing more than anything. He hears nothing wrong with his hearth but is procedure before he is 5 years old.

He is now 109 cm tall, which is good and he grew 1 cm per month on average for the last 5 months. I think there is an error on the measurement, I though only babies grew up so fast. But he has not gained any weight on the last 5 months, so he will have an intake of levocarnitine. He is not malnourished but his weight could improve.

Oh also the old dreaded visit to the hematology specialist. Again we need to do some bloody costly (figuratively and literal) analysis and send them to Caracas (the capital) and all the fuzz because despite living in a city with over 1 million people this is still the fucking stone age.... arhggg

On top of all that, when struggling with him so he would take his medicine either my wife or I bruised his neck in a scratch like way.

Oh and he is missing at least 4 vaccines, good news two are being applied this and next week. The doc said to wait till his rhinitis ended to put him both. The other two are "private only" here and cost 100 each. At least they dont cost 1000 like others do.

Fuck, I know there are far worst, but I feel like the worst father ever.

[dragdeler]

a

[Urist McScoopbeard]

Things that are making me sad today:

1.) my (grad) degree program I'd desperately like to drop out of.

2.) every job I find in my job search.

I know employers like to pump requirements up, but I feel like I have no marketable skills whatsoever. I can't or have extreme anxiety about doing anything I've seen in a job listing today. It's making me even more a wreck, I'm super afraid I'll never find a job I can do, and just as afraid to actually get a job and have to work it.

[LordBaal]

It seems you are overthinking. Try to relax, you dont have to be an global acknowledged expert on all the facets of a job to get it, less alone to do it properly.


My own sad (Im on fire this week) yet another acquaintance hung herself. I learn that three years ago one of her friends also hung herself. Suicide rate here is awful.

[Urist McScoopbeard]

My own sad (Im on fire this week) yet another acquaintance hung herself. I learn that three years ago one of her friends also hung herself. Suicide rate here is awful.

Jeez sorry man, that's truly awful, my sympathies--even if you're not close, that's jarring.

[martinuzz]

Russia has banned Paul Verhoeven's new movie, Benedetta, about the love between 2 lesbian nuns.
The movie premiere was in july this year on the Cannes film festival.

The movie has a scene in which a self-made dildo is used that is shaped like a saint. The Russian authorities have dubbed this too insulting for religious people.

The movie, which was supposed to be shown in Russian movie theaters starting the 7th of October, did not get a distribution license from the ministry of culture.

[LordBaal]

Unless that dildo is a Federation weapon against the bugs I'm not interested!

[Frumple]

I mean, accelerate it to a sufficient fraction of c and it probably can be a weapon against the bugs.

[Grim Portent]

More worried and concerned than sad, but my grandmother has fallen ill lately.

Last week, towards the end of the week, she fell over and was found lying on the floor of her houe by my aunt. My aunt's a nurse, so she gave her a quick check over, made sure she had taken her medication and was eating and drinking and lucid, notified everyone, and we got a doctor to do a visit and they decided she'd cracked a rib. Not much more to do, she's already on pretty strong painkillers and a hospital visit doesn't do much for cracked ribs.

Over the weekend my gran became confused and stopped eating and drinking properly, which in turn makes her more confused. We decided to bring her to our house to take care of her for a few days, get her medication back in order and get a few good meals in her. She's been here for five days now, on the second day the dog gave her a long scratch up the back of her leg, which went straight through because her skin is very thin these days. Looked gnarly, but wasn't causing her any bother.

This morning she felt unwell, and fell over while standing up from bed. I came in after hearing a clatter and a thump to find her with one hand on her head, the other on her scratched leg. Turns out the fall has opened the scratch up, so she was bleeding. We'd already phoned the doctor to come check on her because of her feeling unwell, but we notified them of the new fall as well. Doctor says she has a chest infection, there's a crackle to her breath.

She seems mostly alright at the moment, a district nurse came over and cleaned and dressed the cut properly, the doctor prescribed antibiotics, and she's not fussing about being told to rest a lot. Still concerned though. She's in her eighties at this point, and is rather frail.