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[LordBaal]

Thank you all. That sucks a lot del, however as you say is good motivation, if a heart breaking one. If you have a steady income and you haven't already make a budget to save up enough and stick to it with all your migth.

In the sad continuation or Lord Baal's A Series of Unfortunate Events. Last night we talked way past midnight. The wife was not shocked as I foreshadowed and told me she was in fact expecting such thing since we married 5 years ago.

We called her mother earlier in the evening and offered us shelter if needed, but since her family lives so far that would also imply a lot of other dificulties, but is nice to have a safety net.

We called my mom, she told us no pressure but we should move out as soon as we can. No comments on what she is going to do with the place at all.

I have one last resort of my own. My late grandmother house. Is large, is somewhat dilapidated and one uncle is living there with his girlfriend. He is a cool guy up to a point, have to swing by and ask how all is going and if we could crash there for a couple of weeks or even months. The place is really large so I think we all could live there for a while without bothering each other.

If not then my mother in law it is.

[Iduno]

Thank you all. That sucks a lot del, however as you say is good motivation, if a heart breaking one. If you have a steady income and you haven't already make a budget to save up enough and stick to it with all your migth.

In the sad continuation or Lord Baal's A Series of Unfortunate Events. Last night we talked way past midnight. The wife was not shocked as I foreshadowed and told me she was in fact expecting such thing since we married 5 years ago.

We called her mother earlier in the evening and offered us shelter if needed, but since her family lives so far that would also imply a lot of other dificulties, but is nice to have a safety net.

We called my mom, she told us no pressure but we should move out as soon as we can. No comments on what she is going to do with the place at all.

I have one last resort of my own. My late grandmother house. Is large, is somewhat dilapidated and one uncle is living there with his girlfriend. He is a cool guy up to a point, have to swing by and ask how all is going and if we could crash there for a couple of weeks or even months. The place is really large so I think we all could live there for a while without bothering each other.

If not then my mother in law it is.

It sucks that you're in this situation, but at least there is some hope. Good luck to you.

[Vector]

Really glad to hear this. Living three generations to a house has a lot of advantages Some of my relatives still do that even when the grandkid generation is all grown.

[heydude6]

It looks like my best friend's toxic relationship has finally given him clinical depression. I tried to convince him to leave her, but few people in those situations ever heed that kind of advice. Now he's depressed and I have no idea if he'll ever be able to get over it.

I feel like I've failed as a friend. They've been dating for two years and their relationship became a trainwreck 2 months in. I had so much time, but I wasn't able to save him.

[LordBaal]

Is not your fault. Is he mentally disabled or underage? Did you told him clearly what you saw in the relationship and warned him he was getting hurt? Did you set him up with her with knowledge of what was going to happen?

If the answers are no, no, yes and no you dont have any fault in it.

[hector13]

It looks like my best friend's toxic relationship has finally given him clinical depression. I tried to convince him to leave her, but few people in those situations ever heed that kind of advice. Now he's depressed and I have no idea if he'll ever be able to get over it.

I feel like I've failed as a friend. They've been dating for two years and their relationship became a trainwreck 2 months in. I had so much time, but I wasn't able to save him.

Chances are your friend was depressed prior to the relationship, else he’d have left a toxic relationship already, no?

This also isn’t your fault. You told him what you saw, it’s up to him to act. You aren’t his handmaiden.

[heydude6]

Chances are your friend was depressed prior to the relationship, else he’d have left a toxic relationship already, no?

Oh you sweet summer child. The thing about abusive relationships is that for whatever reason, people find them hard to leave. Even when the person is literally beating you, victims feel some sort of undefined pull that keeps them in place. They often rationalize their partners behavior and in the worst scenarios, they start to believe that they somehow did something to deserve this abuse. It's horrifying to see a friend undergo this transformation, and it's also incredibly frustrating when they refuse to do the obvious steps to help themselves.

The best analogy I can think of is drug addiction. At some point you know it's bad for you, but you keep going at it because you literally can't control yourself anymore.

The reason why I tell you this Hector is because it can happen to anyone. Even you. Not enough people are aware of the dangerous pull of these kinds of relationships, and even those who are aware can still get sucked in. The only real defense is to spot the red flags and get out before you cross that event horizon.

[Iduno]

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/three-rescued-deserted-island-bahamas-after-surviving-coconuts-33-days-n1257248

I bet they thought they were better off when they were found. It kind of sounded like a real good story, except for the whole concentration camp part.

[hector13]

Chances are your friend was depressed prior to the relationship, else he’d have left a toxic relationship already, no?

Oh you sweet summer child. The thing about abusive relationships is that for whatever reason, people find them hard to leave. Even when the person is literally beating you, victims feel some sort of undefined pull that keeps them in place. They often rationalize their partners behavior and in the worst scenarios, they start to believe that they somehow did something to deserve this abuse. It's horrifying to see a friend undergo this transformation, and it's also incredibly frustrating when they refuse to do the obvious steps to help themselves.

The best analogy I can think of is drug addiction. At some point you know it's bad for you, but you keep going at it because you literally can't control yourself anymore.

The reason why I tell you this Hector is because it can happen to anyone. Even you. Not enough people are aware of the dangerous pull of these kinds of relationships, and even those who are aware can still get sucked in. The only real defense is to spot the red flags and get out before you cross that event horizon.

I am aware of this, moreso than most.

If your friend stayed in a relationship that was obviously abusive to an external party within two months of it beginning, it is likely your friend had some issue prior to the relationship. This could be from their ignorance of what a healthy relationship looks like, but if you were pointing out the issues you saw, it is much more likely they were emotionally incapable of committing to ending something that’s harmful to them.

Depression is an insidious beast, it manifests itself in so many different ways it can be difficult to identify, even if you know it’s there. It doesn’t even have to be bad to be wholly destructive to whomever has it because it can affect so many things in their life that it’s like death by a thousand cuts.

If this relationship uncovered they had it, the relationship was good for one thing at least, because now they can deal with that.

Regardless, the latter point still stands: you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink. Your friend lives their own life, all you can do is be supportive of them until they make the decision to leave the relationship.

The fun part about abusive relationships though is that even if the relationship is ended, it doesn’t mean the abuse stops! Yay for extra trauma on the side.

[dragdeler]

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[Teneb]

Daft Punk is over. I mean, sure it's been a long while since they actually released anything but still.

[scriver]

This is the time for smart punks

[MrRoboto75]

Daft Punk is over. I mean, sure it's been a long while since they actually released anything but still.

He literally exploded, like some sort of drummer.

[Jopax]

The perfect song is framed by silence indeed.

[Vector]

Feeling angry at a friend who told me I should talk about things before I get overwhelmingly upset about them, but won't let me come visit her except in crisis situations.

This pandemic has destroyed most of my friendships and virtually all of my work relationships. Lots and lots of people who I used to play a game online with every week or something like that and then suddenly canceled and stopped texting.

Just saw something from the university that indicated they might not be back to in-person instruction by the fall, too. I'm barely making it through day after day of my graduate program, and I'm older than any of the other students. Once again, the supports I built for myself have been steadily disappearing. I don't know what to do. I've been looking forward to this PhD program for the past 10 years.