Smart guys are kind of assholes, even when they're nice guys. It's sad but true. I totally fell into the trap of diasgreeing with my last GF over stuff I really should have just kept my mouth shut on. But she never hesitated to let me know what she thought, so I thought the same held in kind. It really doesn't. But maybe that's because guys suck at criticizing women in a way they don't hate, and women are especially sensitive to criticism from their guy.
It was only after that relationship that I finally realized what married guys mean by a negotiated defeat. I know that sounds terrible, but in retrospect I would have rather left like I wasn't getting my fair say in things, than basically knowing every time I opened my gob on something important I made her feel like shit.
Sorry for the topic necro, but all I can say on this is that everyone needs to learn restraint. Women
do need to be able to take criticism, but so do men--and when we constantly fight off the criticism we're given, that can sometimes result in a collapse and invalidation of the other person. It's all a balance, I guess, and I don't think it's about being smart. I think it's about being argumentative to a fault. I know that I've certainly caused my mother no end of trouble by holding onto stupid points, just because I didn't want her to be right. Now that I've stopped doing that, and can accept my flaws as they appear, we get along much better.
We can always justify anything we do with a rational explanation. Every act can be smothered in shades of gray. I think that ultimately, it becomes a question of how much gray we allow into our lives and explanations. Though the world isn't black and white, it's a lot less complicated than I think a lot of people want it to be. An act is an act, no matter what sort of rationalization one can cover it with--and just because one is better at rationalizing, or more willing, does not mean that the other person is inferior.
In hearing about this guy, and other people in the same vein, I can't help but be reminded of the times I've let anger get the best of me, and used what Empathy or Charisma or whatever the crap it is I have to really, really hurt people. I tend to feel ill about it after emotions have cooled, and the guilt trails after me... but I'm no stranger to it. I don't think I've gone out of my way to instigate any of it, but I don't think that doing it in retaliation alone makes it much better. I still haven't shaken the guilt from a lot of things, and it tends to resurface whenever I recall a related memory. I guess I have a lot of trouble letting go of guilt. I can consciously understand that it's all self-imposed... but I can't seem to shake the realization of the hurt I've caused, the embarrassment I felt, or any of that.
You know... in reality, unless you're hurting people as we speak, is there anything to feel bad about? We all grow and develop, and I know that I, at least, haven't always been a very good person. I've been very egotistical, insensitive, and rude, and I used to hurt a lot of people emotionally--by accident rather than intent, but I still shouldn't have done it.
I think we all have to recognize the capacity for evil within ourselves. You know, our own little portfolio of temptations and weaknesses. Just because you can be moved to hurt people doesn't mean you will be. Just because you have done so in the past, or are doing so, doesn't mean that you must in the future.
The thing about forgiving one's neighbors that people seem to forget is that we are our own neighbors, and so should also be able to forgive ourselves.
Meh.
[/two cents]
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9711244 times)