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[dragdeler]

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[Hanslanda]

I'm viscerally depressed on an existential level.

... pretty sure I had a nervous breakdown after this

[Ulfarr]

I guess we got a bit caught up in the energy discussion. Sorry 

How are you Hans?

[Hanslanda]

Better I suppose. I got to talk to B12 discord peeps and that helped.  (Shoutout to Tiruin and Flame 99, thanks y'all)

I'm just stressed.

[Ulfarr]

If I remember correctly (from the fitness thread) you were hard at work, preparing for some kind of military test right?

[Hanslanda]

Yeah. I actually eased off into a plateau cuz I'm physically where I need to be. I'm stressed because work changed and instead of fewer hours going into winter, I'm doing like 10 to 15 hours of overtime a week and unloading ALL the trucks instead of two or three.

Plus my paperwork for the navy is in the middle of the "this is where we'd say no" approval process and I'm waiting for news about it.  On top of two babies and no sleep last night.

[JoshuaFH]

I just got off the phone with my own Navy Recruiter, and I've been turned down for some medical issue... nothing specific given... I'm just fucking demoralized, I was really relying on this for a better future. I was also turned down by the Air Force... Like, can't I get a fucking foot in anywhere? Just anything to give me the slightest purpose? I just have no fucking clue what to do with my life.

I've been working really hard too, harder than ever before, just because I want to finally make some headway and get somewhere. GUESS THAT'S NOT ENOUGH, SCREAMING THAT I'M WILLING TO WORK HARD AND DO ANYTHING AND IMPROVE MYSELF AND MAKE A CONTRIBUTION JUST ISN'T ENOUGH; BECAUSE OF SMALL SHIT FROM YEARS AGO JUST HELD AGAINST ME FOR FUCKING EVER LIKE I'M A CONVICT ...

Is... is this where I get fucking desperate and insane? If I'm going to get the kind of change I want in life, I'm just going to have to destroy it; as any kind of sane transition is increasingly impossible, and it's obvious the rest of the world wants it to be impossible.

I just don't know what to do.

[Hanslanda]

Shit Josh, that really sucks.

[Doomblade187]

Could you get a doctor's note or something to clear the medical refusal?

[JoshuaFH]

I wasn't given a clear reason, but if it wasn't for the childhood asthma, then it might have been because I blabbed about having seen a counselor, and then had to pony up my medical records regarding those, and while I don't think it was *too* vilifying, it might have given them enough of a glimpse to conclude that I'm an anxious, neurotic nutcase... Such that the reason the Air Force DQ'd me was summed up in a single word: "Unstable"
...
God that fucking digs under my skin. Like, if I could get even just a little bit of what I want out of life, I'm certain that I'd be 100% fine; but I don't, and so over the course of my difficult and joyless life I've been accumulating mental problems and suffering for it, until I was forced to reach out to a counselor for any kind of relief, and then subsequently I'm punished for it by being denied what I want out of life. Heads you win, tails I lose.

I just don't know what kind of perfect male specimen they wanted me to be; and I didn't want to lie to them by omitting knowledge of my medical history when asked; and it hurts extra bad because I'm perhaps the healthiest I've ever been, and I just can't prove it. They're not even interested in any kind of proof as far as I can see; they just see a potential red flag far off in the distance, and Madagascar shuts everything down just to be safe.

Of course, without being able to see the exact reasoning that went on behind the scenes in the military medical offices, I can't know the exact reason, but that's my best guess as to what happened; I accept that maybe I'm being bitter and angry over my own hyperbolic guesses. Who knows.

There was a caveat with the Navy Recruiter however, that I can try again "Next year when the system changes" or something to that effect, so I guess there's still hope in that department. Far off, possibly imaginary hope, but hope. Right now though, I'm trying to tabulate what my current options are, cause up to this point I've been foolishly overconfident in assuming I'd be able to join up, and so put all my eggs in one basket, and now I'm just bawling cause my basket got dropped and all my eggs are smashed. When you boil it down, my current distress and anguish is, once again, my fault. I just gotta figure out what I can do, and just keep going forward I guess.

[bloop_bleep]

No one is born “a worthless peon and a shithead.” Shit happens in life, and it can easily snowball like you described. It’s nothing about you. It’s just the RNG rolled his dice and decided you were going to suffer that day. Then it snowballs, as things naturally do. It’s hard to go up against nature’s snowballs. It’s in no way your fault that you didn’t win against them yet or didn’t anticipate the next die roll or dared to have hope. All you have to do is keep going. Every bad day has to end eventually, right? Strength to you.

[Reelya]

A lot of things are down to pure luck. I saw on a gaming TV show about this guy who got a job as an animator for a gaming company. He thought he must have submitted an awesome demo reel, later he found out his was the only application they received. This is why submitting resumes can pay off. Maybe they got 100 people applying, maybe they got nobody.

[ChairmanPoo]

I wasn't given a clear reason, but if it wasn't for the childhood asthma, then it might have been because I blabbed about having seen a counselor, and then had to pony up my medical records regarding those

Let me give you a hint: you don't have to mention every hangnail you ever had at occupational healthcare. Focus on stuff that's relevant because it's recent, ongoing, or chronic.

[JoshuaFH]

Yeah, I realize that now, but I was just too damn naive and nervous; and apparently no amount of "But it was never a big deal and it's all completely resolved now" is enough to get them to believe me.

[Kagus]

That's funny, I told the army that I suffered from depression and the doc at the health checkpoint quizzed me about it before determining that I "Wasn't really depressed", and then clearing me through.

(Anxiety + depression + army life = Bro I'm straight up not having a good time), as it were.


Then I also had a friend who got expressly denied because he'd had what was diagnosed as an epileptic seizure one time when he was 8.