I didn't know just wanting to have a normal life like literally everyone I'm surrounded by was some impossible quest for happiness I'm supposed to tone the fuck down.
watch your tone there, friend. we're all very much willing to give you advice while you're in a difficult place - which we're conviced you're in, when you say things like "I have nothing" or "fuck this planet, I can never understand it" - but don't mistake that for unconditional love. A lot of us have been in some pretty shit places in life, and won't take kindly to you lashing out.
Anyway, it's pretty obvious that you're worried about a bit more than having a normal life; you're deeply unhappy, man, and we just want to help you get somewhere where you won't feel like horrific garbage anymore. If you don't really feel like that, well, everybody needs to vent sometimes, and we might have blown this out of proportion a bit. If you do, well...
I had fantasies about quitting, but I knew I wouldn't. It was enough to have the option, simply to not be trapped.
Honestly same, although my fantasies were less "kill myself" and more... well, I have friends all over. If the stress gets so bad I can't handle it, or if my parents or brother (people I love so, so much) were to die, I have places I can go to start over, to quit and try something else. Indonesia, Japan, Australia, Ohio, Illinois, New Jersey, I've got contacts all the fuck over.