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[MrRoboto75]

It's only really been a week but I'm honestly just ready to give up on US healthcare and just wait to die of some easily preventable disease or some shit.  Like they'd do anything but pump me full of painkillers anyway.  When its faster (and far easier) to go out, buy a gun, and blow my own brains out than to even see a psychiatrist (not even a prescription, just get an appointment) then there's something bloody wrong.  Irregardless of which of the, what, three total doctors my insurance randomly decides to cover (or will they?), it takes 1-3 month of waiting to see them.  Might as well try to bum anti-depressants off of bigfoot.

[SalmonGod]

Irregardless of which of the, what, three total doctors my insurance randomly decides to cover (or will they?), it takes 1-3 month of waiting to see them.

At least we're not Canada, right?  They have such horrible wait times.  [/snark]

[hops]

Learning the mechanics of art is like learning any other skill, there's nothing really special about it. Creativity is a whole different thing that's loosely connected to it but often times depends on a ton of other factors that aren't neccessarily obvious.

Now the thing about learning the technical aspects like prespective, color, composition and everything else is that they take a lot of time and effort, focused effort at that. Just doodling a random thing once a day is the equivalent of doing a single sit-up a day and then being disappointed that you never get abs. Gotta push those limits of both ability and knowledge, otherwise you never grow, nor do you ever learn where those limits lie.

Anyways, personal sad, tried to do a warmup portrait study that ended up tilting me beyond measure after some five or so attempts. But I will draw that goddamn face if it's the last thing I do, I will not be beaten by a 2d image of a pretty lady damn it!

Edit:
You want to see what it takes to have noticeable improvement? This guy: https://www.instagram.com/benjaminli35/
Look trough his posts during the last year and you'll see clear results of the hard work he's put in, day in, day out.

But that's the problem, I'm too weakxwilled to do any of the hard stuffs.

[hops]

I'm garbage and can't muster the energy to do anything useful. I just don't understand how a person can be this useless and terrible and still manage to have enough brain cells to breathe. It's a miracle how many things went wrong in me becoming who I am. I'm like if Hitler was so terrible he can't even fucking do anything suitably evil. I have the morality of a theoretical love child between Cruella De Ville and Lord Voldemort with the stupidity of Peter Griffin. I'm as intelligent as a particularly sun-baked rock in Egypt. I'm about as attractive as a piece of tooth in the bottom of a dried out spittoon. I have as much talent as a badly-assembled IKEA chair.

[Spehss _]

Damn it. Saw Cute Girl at the gym today. She sat at the machine right next to me at one point. We were probably a couple feet (1 meter) apart. Holy shit.

I could have said something. Could have talked to her. Don't know if I'd ever get such a convenient happenstance chance ever again. But I didn't do it. Because I just cannot get myself to meet people. Cannot break the ice. Cannot get out of my shell.

Dammit it's not like I have much to lose if I make a dumbass of myself because she's almost a complete stranger and if she rejected me then we'd just keep being strangers, albeit she'd probably think I'm weird. But people usually think I'm weird anyway, so what do I care, right? I care a lot apparently. I should have tried to say something.

But no. People don't go to the gym to meet people. And I walked away and didn't try to say anything.

Christ I wish I could just try to meet new people without feeling nervous.

But it's just one girl though. I'm thinking about it too much, right. But if I don't at least try to meet people even when opportunities practically throw themselves into my lap then I'm never going to have any friends and I'm never ever going to ever have a girlfriend or family or anything but being utterly alone, dammit.

[Reelya]

Well one, time I was at the laundromat, talked to this random girl (it was just us in there), the topic shifted over to games, turns out she was a Dwarf Fortress player, with a bay12 account, no less, though she's a lurker. So yeah, go for it, since you never know.

[Spehss _]

Well one, time I was at the laundromat, talked to this random girl (it was just us in there), the topic shifted over to games, turns out she was a Dwarf Fortress player, with a bay12 account, no less, though she's a lurker. So yeah, go for it, since you never know.

The problem then becomes "how do I start a conversation with a random person I know nothing about".

I guess I could just ask questions and get to know them but that only works if the person I'm talking to wants to talk to me and is willing to talk to me, a random stranger they don't know, about themselves.

[MrRoboto75]

I always think I look like a creep/pervert/pedophile whenever I consider approaching women.

[JoshuaFH]

Well one, time I was at the laundromat, talked to this random girl (it was just us in there), the topic shifted over to games, turns out she was a Dwarf Fortress player, with a bay12 account, no less, though she's a lurker. So yeah, go for it, since you never know.

The problem then becomes "how do I start a conversation with a random person I know nothing about".

I guess I could just ask questions and get to know them but that only works if the person I'm talking to wants to talk to me and is willing to talk to me, a random stranger they don't know, about themselves.

Ah don't worry about it Spehss. Let me tell you, I got a girl's phone number recently... I know, right?... but then she just ignores me when I text her. So I'm like "Ah, snubbed again!" as I trash that number and go about my week, only kinda disappointed. The moral of the story is that this pessimistic second-guessing of yourself is not only deluded egocentric behavior, I would argue it's demeaning towards this hypothetical girl. That is to say, that presuming to know what someone else is thinking or feeling is arrogant and belittling to the other person, because hey, you don't need to talk to them, you have their whole thought pattern already mapped out.

Now, you might think "Naw Josh, I'm just afraid of rejection, and that speaking to her is just inviting that rejection that will finalize the negative beliefs I have about myself!" and I'm saying that that negativism is itself a delusion of grandeur. One can't truly know the future, or what is happening in anyone's head, the loosest presumption of such reveals that you don't know what you're talking about.

I don't like giving advice Spehss, I think the problems of everyone here are too complex for any anonymous stranger to mend in even the slightest way, and that assuming that I can is simply the height of arrogance, but I'm in a rare good mood so here's what I say: Just let her reject you. If you're so certain that she'll find you intrusive, unattractive, creepy, or (and this is the one that kills people) so uninteresting as to be unworthy of conversation, then just let her reject you so you can regain this little bit of agency and certainty in life, cause that WILL make you happy, even if the rejection hurts. That you agonize over talking to this girl, she is inflicting unhappiness on you without her even knowing it, she has so much control over the emotional state of someone she has never spoken to! But by you coming forward, and giving her that chance to reject you, why, both parties involved finally have closure, it's the finality of actually performing the experiment rather than simply allowing the hypothesis to languish in your mind where it can remain uncertain forever. It's that uncertainty and feeling of having no control in your life that is making you unhappy for certain, everything else you think is making you unhappy is in fact illusory, and regaining control and certainty, even through a negative outcome, definitely will improve your outlook on life.

The short version: You don't need a woman to make you happy, you just need your balls back, and you have to go get those yourself.

And if she doesn't reject you? Afraid I can't help you there, if you've read my posts, you know that's unexplored territory for me!

[Jopax]

Just found out that the brilliant composer Johan Johannsson died :C

[Mephisto]

Minor sad, but one of the drives in my home server died yesterday. I think the guy I bought it from loaded it with parts that are either off-brand (dmidecode doesn't give me any details on the RAM besides size and speed so I'm assuming it's no-name) or on the way out (all of the drives are older than the suggested replacement).

[martinuzz]

In Cameroon, 6 soldiers and two park rangers were killed by a gang of heavily armed elephant poachers. Authorities say they invaded from the neighboring country of Tsjaad.
Since a massacre in 2012 claimed the lives of 128 elephants within two months, about 100 man military personell are permanently stationed in the national park.
According to the WWF representative in Cameroon, the country needs international military aid to combat the poachers.

Wildlife protection is becoming more and more dangerous. Last year, 197 wildlife protectors were killed, with African park rangers being overrepresented on that list.
In the past 10 years, at least 110 thousand elephants have been poached for their ivory.
In 1979 there were 1.3 million elephants left in Africa. In 2016, according to the Great Elephant Census, there were at most 350 thousand left.

[scourge728]

Lets start using armored vehicles and Gatling guns to defend elephants (not even joking)

[hops]

Guess my antidepressants aren't working.

[MrRoboto75]

I haven't even gotten the bloody antidepressants yet.  I've been trying to take St. John's Wort in the month's wait to even get a prescription, its allegedly an anti-depressant of some sort.

But honestly there's very few days now where I'm not considering hurting myself.