Well, right then. I am short another relative. Rather estranged, I fear, but nonetheless. It seems terribly unfair, this particular case. An old man swept off his feet and into the ground just as new vistas opened before him. Lord, Thy will be done, but I cannot be made to like it. Not one little bit. It is comforting to know that he is now in the best care one could imagine, but nonetheless.
I have been to more funerals than I have dentist appointments these last years, and my word, I am rather attached to the few relatives that remain, and fearful that they too might be swept off their feet with no notice. There is nothing in particular, all together, to fear about death, but the simple, honest and natural pain of it is becoming tiresome, and, dare I say, much too ordinary. More people in my circles ought to marry. Perhaps I ought to marry. One never knows.
Military life. It hasn't been even a week yet and I'm close to my breaking point. I've cried myself to sleep more than once, my legs hurt from marching constantly, and I can't say I've had a "good" day yet. Right now is my first longer period of free time, yet it's not helping with my mood.
Fight through; breaking points are often further away than they seem, and I can assure you that all men are stronger and sturdier than they think they are. There is always more than one thought there would be. I am not sure if it helps, but you have my admiration for joining, and I wish you the best of luck.
Also along the line of not knowing if it helps but stating it nonetheless, be assured that an awful lot of people have felt that same feeling, and quietly cried themselves to sleep. It is a very sensible response to a very discomforting situation. One that you are taking on so that others will not have to. That is not what just about anyone would do.
I suppose that it is easy for me to say, since I never got the chance to wear the Crown's clothes, as it were, but that is why I want to make my admiration clear to everyone who goes through the embuggerance of soldiering for the benefit of those that will not or cannot.
I say, when the worst of it is over, when you have pulled through despite the hopeless feeling and the cold doubt, which I know that you can do and will do, I owe buy you a pint or twelve.