Been doing better with the whole ex thing till yesterday. Got an alert on my phone and I wanna strangle past me for marking down the day I asked her out. Deleted it, but had me thinking about her long enough to get me down yesterday a bit and today at work since I had time to do nothing but think. And an idle mind isn't the best thing to have when you're depressed or heartbroken.
Getting close to five months now, and things ARE getting better. Songs on the radio (one specifically that instantly makes me depressed about the whole thing doesn't bug me as much, although it still slightly does for a short time), old photos I find on my phone of us, and even talking about stuff we did that really does make me think of her aren't bothering me as much. But this one alert set me back a bit. And I kinda see why.
I put it there after we had a talk about a thing regarding my future as a game dev (steam greenlight charging people to release games, to make a long story short). She outright started to talk about how she's gonna help with that... Something that wouldn't happen for another few years (still in school for coding and a few other things) but the fact she believed, at the time, we were going to be together for a while just made me feel so very loved. And I remember I marked off the day I asked her out not long after that and was gonna do something nice for/with her then. Not really an anniversary and I wasn't going to really say why I would be doing such, but just something to make her happy. As you can tell above, that isn't happening, and well... You see why it set me off into this state
I really do miss her still, but I'm coping much better now. I'm hoping by next month, I'll be able to speak to her and not have a panic attack from emotional overload... Especially since my friends and her are hoping to get a new game of D&D started soon (which means I have to take spotlight as DM again for a bit).
But for now, gonna just let the tears out after talking about it with a friend and continue to trudge through this emotional pit until I'm at a point I can climb out.
I also discovered a sudden obsession with fire emblem was me trying to mask the feelings this brought up, so suddenly I have a bunch of fire emblem games my friend loaned me and I don't want to play them