@highmax28, It sounds like she was expecting to maintain a friendship with you, and that that's hard for you right now? And that you set a boundary with her asking her to not talk to you, and that she's currently respecting your wishes? That in itself sounds like a good thing, though that good thing probably doesn't do much for whatever hurt you're feeling. The time apart, though, can be a good thing; if you've got regrets or remorse, it can help you come to terms with what you did that you wish you hadn't. If something she did hurt you, it gives you time to think about why it hurt, and consider if there's stuff you'd benefit from talking about frankly with her, if you both want to stay friends.
This isn't always the easiest solution, but one of the most effective things in my life has just been to take time to comb through your feelings towards an interpersonal situation, and look for hints on what to talk with them about. Then, when you know yourself better and are less of a mess of complex emotions you don't fully understand, try to reach out and talk frankly about it... in hopes that you can come to an understanding of what each of you want, and how to move forward in your lives.
Sadness is feeling we get when we wan't something we don't have. It's cousin, regret, is one we feel when we know we should have done something, but didn't. The sadness you feel lets you know what was (and is) important to you in a situation, and your regret lets you know what your ideal self would like to have done at that moment, if you had been able to. It's important to take some time to consider your sadness and regret frankly. Sometimes, that means you need to take time to grieve too, or look at ugly parts of yourself or past frankly... but if you do that, do it with compassion. Treat yourself, in that moment, like a friend you want to help... not someone who did something wrong and should be punished. And try to learn what you want, and what you don't want, from that act of observation. Those are things you can then make a plan to talk about, with the person or people involved.
Anger is the emotion we feel when we have something in our lives that we don't want, often something we need to change or put it behind us for our own welfare. Anger also tends to blind your empathy toward the person or people you're angry toward. If you care about someone who may be harming you emotionally or physically, sometimes it's necessary to quiet your own empathy. In cases like that, we can use that anger to be constructive; it's a way of overcoming our own compassion, when our backs are against the wall, so we can change the situation for the better. One relevant example might be that anger lets people who care about each other, but who are in a bad relationship dynamic, overcome that compassion and sensitivity for how the other person might feel over it, and find the will to separate for their well-being. It's a healthy emotion, when it's being used to better our lives. But it can also lead us to behave cruelly, because our empathy toward that person is muted... and we need to be vigilant about that too. Cruelty is never necessary. Sometimes, when you're still angry with someone who you need to understand or sympathize with, the best thing to do is let your feelings cool, so you can come back to the situation with your full empathy and sensitivity.
Once you've got a sense for all that, I hope you two can have a frank conversation about whatever happened between you, and figure out what you both want going forward. That might be a friendship. And it might be that one or both would be better off not talking anymore. In any case, even if you broke (or expect to break) on bad terms; I find that that kind of genuine conversation with each other, about your respective wants and needs, and the terms you individually want to move forward on, and where those overlap or diverge, is important. That kind of plain and honest communication, without relying on reading into things or implications, is a respectful thing to do when possible, can help with your emotional recoveries, and lends a sense of closure and better ability to move on.
Author
Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9791389 times)