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[Spehss _]

Yeah, I actually have. Got a raised bed built, had it for about a year now. Grew tomatoes and green beans and cucumbers and a few other things for a couple seasons. It was rewarding at first. Then it got dull. Then it became a chore to keep it watered regularly. Now I don't really care except that it provides a little extra vegetables.

This is like a parable of my life.

[Helgoland]

Sure, vegetables are annoying - potatoes though...

Iunno, there's just something about starchy plants that gets to me. I like 'em. They kinda make me feel like I could subsists on what I can get out of the ground, at least in principle.

[SalmonGod]

Not sure I ever understood the whole search for meaning thing, myself.  I've always found life to be ultimately pointless in the sense of some grand cosmic scheme or purpose for every individual being woven into the web of life.  But it never bothered me.  Just do your best to enjoy the ride and help others do the same.  Life just *is* for its own sake.  Its purpose is to be experienced.  And, yeah... it can really suck.  But when I reflect on positive and negative experiences, I feel like they're of equal value somehow.  Certainly doesn't feel like it in the moment.  And looking back on regrets can sting.  But I still look back at even the shittiest parts of my past with a sort of fondness that's difficult to describe, but I think it has to do with the notion that I got through it and I grew and I'm still growing.

[Helgoland]

Yeah, same here. That's why I like potatoes. Whatever happens, you can keep planting potatoes, tending to potatoes, digging up potatoes, eating potatoes. Just like uncountable folks before you, and uncountable folks after you. As long as you're growing potatoes, you're alive.

Fuck yams though.

[TD1]

I agree. No cosmic scheme, just enjoy yourself til the ride's over. So far I feel I've done a remarkably good job of it.

Ninja. Helgo, your regard for potatoes is beginning to worry me. Perhaps it is because they can be made into vodka.

Personally, I went down the tomato, red/green pepper and apple tree road. Also did some onions, peas, potatoes, beans, and carrots but I was less interested in them. Helps that, as a farmer's son, I have plenty of land to work with.

[hector13]

Potatoes are so versatile though. Crisps, and chips, and tattle scones.

Fish cakes, also.

[MrRoboto75]

Potatoes are so versatile though. Crisps, and chips, and tattle scones.

Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew.

I'm not gardening right now, but recently I did get a pothos plant to help freshen the air in my room.  It's been there for a month or two now and isn't dead yet.  Just have to water it twice a week or so.

[martinuzz]

a pathos plant?

[hector13]

Fackin' cat, fackin' humidity. Evidently I'm not allowed to sleep. Broke the top of the back of a chair that is probably important on a sentimental level to my wife, and have a bruised knuckle to show for it.

Day has gone great so far, and it hasn't even fucking started yet.

[ChairmanPoo]

Jesuschrist this job can be emotionally draining

[martinuzz]

Jesuschrist this Job can be emotionally draining

[TD1]

Jesuschrist this Job can be emotionally draining

What was that, dad?

Nothing, I guess. This is just the millionth parasite I've given a child today. Shoot a message to our new PR guy in the Vatican

You mean the Pope? Scion of Peter?

Yea, that guy. See if he can pin this on Satan somehow. That scapegoat's got to be good enough for a few more uses yet.

[Spehss _]

I agree. No cosmic scheme, just enjoy yourself til the ride's over.

The problem with this idea is that it only works if you actually have things you enjoy doing.

[Cptn Kaladin Anrizlokum]

Spoiler: Heavy stuff ahead. (click to show/hide)

So, I've been doing really poorly lately. I was in the hospital for a few weeks, I got addicted to Zopiclone because my doctor is stupid and didn't research anything or warn me about side effects. I haven't been sleeping, I'm dysphoric and depressed basically all the time, and I've been abandoned by literally everyone I know.
And my (now ex) fiancé had been really distant the past few months, so I tried to talk to him about it and he just got all "oh I don't deserve you I'm not good enough" stuff, and then Monday night I messaged him desperately because I was super suicidal and he tried to calm me down by saying he cared and would talk me through it, and then he stopped responding because he fell asleep. And that isn't the first time he's done that. And then today he messaged me trying to make me apologize for making him feel like he had a role in me being suicidal, and trying to make me feel guilty for being upset with him. And I don't have anyone to talk about this with in person because they all left.

I overdosed on Monday night. And then had my only support try to make me feel bad for him because of it. And now I haven't slept for two days, and everything hurts and I'm so tired and I really have nothing to live for? I've just been laying on the floor for the past few weeks. Nothing interests me. Nothing makes me even the slightest bit happy. Nobody would even notice if I was gone.

I'm just so tired of hurting all the time. Tired of having people react with fear or disgust when they hear my voice (Not exaggerating. I've even had "friends" tell me I sound scary and am intimidating. I have cysts in my throat that mess with my vocal cords, and am a 6 foot tall trans girl.) I'm tired of spending hours, even days trying to help people only to have them leave as soon as they're done with me. I'm tired of supporting people through their tough times only to have them ignore me once I ask for help. I don't want to keep going.

I've been told it's going to get better for years, but it just keeps getting worse. I don't know what to do.

[misko27]

Everything is terrible.

I could say a lot. I don't really want to. I'm trying to write it up in a notepad, just to keep records, but I don't even really want to do that much.

I'll live, but it is times like these I wish I were free from of my obligations so I didn't have to.