I'm just tired. Tired of being bogged down by grief and my own lack of capability. I've tried, oh I've tried, so many things to get a job. I've sent my resume to most companies I've heard of and plenty I hadn't, applied for positions across the country, and gotten enough feedback on how to write a resume and cover letter that I could probably write a book on the most common job-seeking advice. Not like any of it matters, I've had all of 1 interview and that was way back in... September? I think? And it just feels so pointless to keep trying when nothing works. It's been seven months since I graduated, four since my best friend died, just under one since my dog died. I just want to... be with them again, and not have to deal with all of this futile garbage any more. But I know I have to keep doing it, because.... if nothing else, she'd want me to at least try to be a success. I'm just sorry that I'm going to end up such a disappointment if/when we eventually meet up on the other side, because grief and other circumstances have slowed down my applications from 'at least 1 a day, bare minimum' to '1 a week maybe' and picking the pace back up is really difficult.
.... and I really didn't mean to write out a fuckin' wall of text, but I guess that's what I needed to get off my chest today. sorry, guys.