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[Solifuge]

Hang in there, hon. It'll get better once you get out.

[Emma]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I'm kind of expecting that people are going to accuse me of trying to be a special snowflake with this but I don't really care right about now, I just want to tell somebody and here is not too bad. Anyway, fairly recently (recently here meaning in the past few years) I've been becoming increasingly uncomfortable with being male, and very recently (that being the past week) this feeling has reached an entirely new level. One of the thoughts that almost always seem to be going through my mind when I walk down the street and I see women is summed up by, "I hate myself so fucking much, why can't I be her? Why can't I have been born like that?". Now these thoughts aren't completely new, for a start I've been wanting to try on female clothes for a fairly long time now. Furthermore, I remember that around the time that puberty started, maybe a bit after or before that, I was expecting to grow breasts and actually kind of disappointed when I didn't. Now none of this in of itself is a problem, but I don't know why I'm actually feeling any of this, is it just because I don't want to hate myself and I think that being female would help to stop that? I certainly feel like I would be more comfortable and happy that way, but maybe I'm just kidding myself. I don't know, everything is confusing and stupid and fucked up and I just can't seem to grow up. Oh, and to anyone who has sent me a PM or replied to me I just want you to know that I really do appreciate i,I just don't know how to reply properly .

[Tiruin]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I'm kind of expecting that people are going to accuse me of trying to be a special snowflake with this[...]

Das impressionism :O
Also about that whole thing--don't worry about it too much (ie All that condemnation and labels about how **** you are and other things that are too judgemental to even reasonably apply).  A good thing about this is when talking about it with the right people (ie Those who can help you assess this further rather than HAMMER OF JUDGEMENT ON YOU) will help you sort out your understanding and ideas, both in the current time, and for the future ahead (ie Your mindset on how to meet ideas). Good communication is the foundation of aid, with beneficial effects being both constructive and destructive; both pertaining to how they affect oneself.

Also certain words there seem to go along the idea of 'In order to be mature, YOU SHOULD GROW UP', which...doesn't really be any more effective than authoritarianism :v If one wishes for others to mature, they help them grow. I recall a nice allegory(?) I read about and paraphrased in a way I understood it..."You can't force a seed to become a plant by ordering it to grow or leaving it by its lonesome and expecting it to yield much: It knows how to be a plant, and is very much able to obtain resources in order to do so; it just needs nourishment and aid." The same applies to one's thoughts and how they work with them; everyone is capable of being in the least decent, but this isn't obtained by merely judging yourself alone--you can judge your actions, and through understanding them, judge yourself.

But yeah. I digress back there ._.; You're expressing yourself pretty much, and I don't get why this 'special snowflake' stuff pops up when someone expresses something of their own personal stuff.

Oh, and to anyone who has sent me a PM or replied to me I just want you to know that I really do appreciate i,I just don't know how to reply properly .

Do try dear c: I'd love to hear from you, if ever.
It is not in virtue of silence that one learns--as one always has their thoughts in mind, but it is by virtue of doing that one also learns; speak what's on your mind, even ask for constructive criticism. You'll find nice folks to help (especially by PMs!)
Just try replying ;3 Because there's no way you can mess this up unless the majority of your message seethes with cynical prejudice that makes everything seem BLEH, and even then. It's your message to send back, in all the words you're aware of :O People can catch on if these 'certain' words are really yours, or if they mimic what your environment is.

[Arx]

and playing with others pretty much has to be versus, because you can't really have an AI in cardboard.

Look up Elder Sign. It's a neat Cthulu mythos board game that's purely co-operative and actually wings it really well.

[Yoink]

I miss the days when I wasn't spending my days just thinking about the days that I missed.

[LordBaal]

Stuff

Well, I don't really know what to say. Perhaps you are/feel gay and/or transgender? Do you feel attracted to woman? Men? Everything? Anything? Nothing? Don't feel obligated to answer any of that by the way. Not that I'm uninterested, but it's really not my business or anybody here, unless you feel like sharing, which by all means you are invited to do so. I like to think this is a safe place behind relatively anonymity.

In either case, the answers to those questions might help you to understand yourself and your feelings better. It would seem you are really confused about your gender role, I deeply recommend you to go to a therapist (psychologist, not a psychiatric) to lighten your burden and perhaps have the tools to help you define yourself better.

[Spehss _]

An uncle has suddenly died of lung cancer. Had talked with him a few months back, he seemed fine then. Apparently the lung cancer was diagnosed only recently, after it got so bad that he couldn't swallow.

So. That's disappointing. I didn't know him all that well, didn't correspond with him much as of late, but I did like him as a family member and I'm disappointed I won't see him or talk to him again.

[Shook]

Oh jeez, that sucks, my condolences. Losing a family member is never fun, even if one didn't know them all that well. :<

Also holy shit today has been the slowest day i've had all year. It's been 11-ish hours since i got up, and literally the only vaguely productive thing i've done is to message my game design teacher about what to do while the others are in Flensburg. Besides that, i've browsed the internet, napped, and bought (and subsequently devoured the contents of) a cup of instant spaghetti carbonara. I haven't even gamed. I just haven't been feeling up for anything today, probably due to a shortage of sleep (as in haven't slept enough, not insomnia, thank goodness) in the past few days. Turns out i'm not okay with days like these, i feel fucking worthless. Better go accomplish something so i won't feel like a waste of space and breath. >.>

Edit: Ugh, and just to rub it in, my bowels have started a day-long consolation fanfare. In other words, i'm pretty much gassing myself.

>___________________________>

[miauw62]

a single lyric describes how i feel perfectly

every time you get ahead, it's really just another hit

[Descan]

nobody important to me is talking or replying to me ._.

[misko27]

Every single day, when my medicine wears off (roughly 12 hours after I take it, so about 9:30ish today), I get hit with a wave of fatigue and pain. This is odd because my medicine's job has little to do with either of these things. I suspect it has to do with my sleep schedule, though. My medicine does have the side-effect of dramatically increasing energy levels, so I fear that it's been propping up a terrible sleep pattern where I stay up too late, get up too early¹, and then don't notice the problem because my meds keep me up. This is problematic because A): That's really bad for your health, and I've already sinned against my sleep enough that my body deserves some rest and B): I usually still need to finish some work around 10:00 PM, and that's hard enough to do with my meds wearing off; damn near impossible if I crash into bed.

¹Although this isn't my fault. I've been getting up too early ever since I got back to college; I haven't even needed alarms. In fact, usually I go back to sleep I wake up so early, but because I wake up like an hour and a half earlier than I need to, going to sleep is hard because now my mind is on the clock. I don't know what's causing it either. There aren't any huge sounds that ring out at around that time. I've never had a problem waking up late before in my entire life. And I mean sure, on the weekends when I get out of bed at 11 AM it's fine because I can just go back to sleep and be up when i want to be, but on days with work it really cuts into my potential sleep.

[itisnotlogical]

.

[Tiruin]

Miriam Santiago has passed away. Just heard about it this morning and aarrrrgh.
It's a lot less politics in my context and more generally many things.
And our country is now about it. And I'm lost for words--didn't believe it when it was first mentioned, if it wasn't mentioned by my good neighbor.

nobody important to me is talking or replying to me ._.

I added you on steam o_o
If you'd like, we can chat. But I am very bad at introductions or starting stuffs up in conversations. ._.
Also I'm not important at all. :O But yeah. Always open to chat here (although I'm real sorry to those PMs who don't have a response yet x~x This thesis is taking up my tiiiiiiiiiiiiime)

Oh jeez, that sucks, my condolences. Losing a family member is never fun, even if one didn't know them all that well. :<

Condolences too, spehss :<

sneakyedit: new page .-.;

[TheBiggerFish]

Just...
*hugs everybody*

Sorry I couldn't reply to anyone yesterday, I was busy feeling rather unwell.  Might still be, even, but I'm at least better enough to focus on things other than that.

[JoshuaFH]

Don't hug when you're sick!

But serious BiggerFish, your hugging muscles get so much work, one day you're gonna hug the world.