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[Emma]

I'm out because I ran out during this trip. My folks, who came up to join me and the rest a couple days ago, were going to bring a refill, but apparently the prescription wasn't ready, despite what the doctor said.

Any idea when you're going to get more? Not having medication when you need it can't be fun.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

@Gamedragon:That sounds more like clinical depression (I am not a medical professional) than you being a "pretentious little fuck-stick", which you are adamantly not.  Is there some sort of mental health resource you could talk to, a guidance counselor, a therapist?

I'm an arrogant little shit actually. The school does have a counselor that I've gone to before but I neither like nor trust him based off of past experiences I've had with him.

By no means am I an expert of any kind but if you have felt this way for a long time now, it may not be just something that has happened or general disappointment about yourself, but clinical depression.

You probably would like to see suggestions on more concrete help. I could give a try. Try to accomplish something; it doesnt need to be anything big or difficult, just something you do yourself that you can be happy about. You could study something, build or assemble something, sports you havent tried before or done in a while, fix that hole in your old jeans. Or cook something yourself. Something that takes just an hour or two can be enough, I know it has helped me. Of course the feeling of success will be temporary, but maybe you'll find out how you can feel good about yourself.

This could sound a bit cruel but being passive likely will not help things. You could read a book too, but don't watch TV, IMHO while a good book can be captivating, TV and movies most of the time make (me) passive. Once you've decided what to do, immediately set up an alarm in your phone so you cant conveniently "forget" about it. Or start doing it immediately.

The problem with doing something is that it feels pretty hard to want to do anything at the moment. I've tried reading too, what's been happening is that I'll be reading and something will distract me slightly and make me think about how I hate myself. After that the words just blend together.

I just feel like I'm putting on a mask at the moment. I put it on whenever I step outside of my room and don't take it off until I'm by myself again. I feel like it's sapping my energy. Mum was getting angry at me earlier today for "being grumpy just for the sake of it" and it was pretty hard to not just yell and scream at her about how I hate myself and want to die, etc. I've been feeling pretty shit these past few weeks and it doesn't seem to be getting any better.

[Orange Wizard]

I'm an arrogant little shit actually.

>puts posts in spoilers
>demeans himself
>"arrogant"

you keep using that word, i do not think it means what you think it means

The problem with doing something is that it feels pretty hard to want to do anything at the moment. I've tried reading too, what's been happening is that I'll be reading and something will distract me slightly and make me think about how I hate myself. After that the words just blend together.

sounds like depression to me

I just feel like I'm putting on a mask at the moment. I put it on whenever I step outside of my room and don't take it off until I'm by myself again. I feel like it's sapping my energy. Mum was getting angry at me earlier today for "being grumpy just for the sake of it" and it was pretty hard to not just yell and scream at her about how I hate myself and want to die, etc. I've been feeling pretty shit these past few weeks and it doesn't seem to be getting any better.

okay yeah

drop the "i'm arrogant, my problems aren't important" shit because it's flagrantly untrue and not doing you any good

talk to a therapist if you can

or pm someone on the bay twelves if you're desperate

[Yoink]

So tired. Stayed up last night in hopes of cleaning the room I have for rent in time for someone to inspect it today and barely got any of it done. Then today I had to work, starting at 10, and I had to get up early to have a bath beforehand, because the shower drain at my place is blocked with gods-know-what. I dread to think.

Bear in mind, I didn't have any bubblebath.
That's right, a bath with no bubbles. Not the first, either. Is it any wonder I've been feeling so depressed lately?

[Rose]

Two job offers I had fell through. One of them because I took too long getting back to them due to waiting on the other one.

[Erkki]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The problem with doing something is that it feels pretty hard to want to do anything at the moment. I've tried reading too, what's been happening is that I'll be reading and something will distract me slightly and make me think about how I hate myself. After that the words just blend together.

I just feel like I'm putting on a mask at the moment. I put it on whenever I step outside of my room and don't take it off until I'm by myself again. I feel like it's sapping my energy. Mum was getting angry at me earlier today for "being grumpy just for the sake of it" and it was pretty hard to not just yell and scream at her about how I hate myself and want to die, etc. I've been feeling pretty shit these past few weeks and it doesn't seem to be getting any better.

For this reason you need to set up that alarm and limit whatever you've decided to do to one or two hours tops. The trick is in making yourself to do something do that you cant avoid doing, that, even if for just very briefly, disconnects your thoughts from your depression/issues and gives you feeling of accomplishment or captivation. You may not yet know what works which is why you just need to try something.

See, you've already asked for help here. Writing to people here was the step one in helping yourself. Step two is helping yourself in the physical world. Are you in Sydney? I used to know someone there. If you dont want to decide yourself, maybe people here in B12 can find you something cheap or free to do out of your home. That is, if you dont want to see a psychiatric and get help that way yet, be it just talk or meds. I'd recommend talking to a professional any way but you can try supplementing professional help by yourself.

edit: and yeah drop the "my issues arent important" bs.

[Rose]

STOP PUTTING ENTIRE SAD THREAD POSTS IN SPOILERS

[ECrownofFire]

STOP PUTTING ENTIRE SAD THREAD POSTS IN SPOILERS

Okay.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I'll just put MOST of it in a spoiler, haHAH!

[Emma]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

For this reason you need to set up that alarm and limit whatever you've decided to do to one or two hours tops. The trick is in making yourself to do something do that you cant avoid doing, that, even if for just very briefly, disconnects your thoughts from your depression/issues and gives you feeling of accomplishment or captivation. You may not yet know what works which is why you just need to try something.

See, you've already asked for help here. Writing to people here was the step one in helping yourself. Step two is helping yourself in the physical world. Are you in Sydney? I used to know someone there. If you dont want to decide yourself, maybe people here in B12 can find you something cheap or free to do out of your home. That is, if you dont want to see a psychiatric and get help that way yet, be it just talk or meds. I'd recommend talking to a professional any way but you can try supplementing professional help by yourself.

edit: and yeah drop the "my issues arent important" bs.

Nah, I'm not in Sydney. I'm in a small-medium town that's technically a city. I might try the alarm thing though, dunno if it'll help with my utter lack of desire to do anything though. But it could help, so I'll give it a go. Anyway, I'm not saying that my issues aren't important. They're very important, to me. People I actually know just tend to ignore me though and that kind of gives me the impression that I'm not important and my problems aren't problematic enough for them to care. Bay12 is different though, you guys are nice 

drop the "i'm arrogant, my problems aren't important" shit because it's flagrantly untrue and not doing you any good
talk to a therapist if you can
or pm someone on the bay twelves if you're desperate

It's kind of hard to not think you're arrogant when people constantly tell you that your arrogant. Part of the problem with talking to a therapist might be the fact that I've got a ridiculous amount of pride and see asking for any sort of help as a failure.

STOP PUTTING ENTIRE SAD THREAD POSTS IN SPOILERS

Not sure if this is directed at me or Erkki but if it's directed at Erkki it should be directed at me since they just quoted my post. As to my habit of using spoilers I don't know if I can stop it all that easily. I've tried to stop before but go straight back to it. It makes me feel safer/better for some weird and probably dumb reason.

My headphones broke, it makes me feel worse than usual.

[Orange Wizard]

It's kind of hard to not think you're arrogant when people constantly tell you that your arrogant.

Caving to peer pressure is a sign of low self-esteem

Part of the problem with talking to a therapist might be the fact that I've got a ridiculous amount of pride and see asking for any sort of help as a failure.

That's normal, actually, most people don't like asking for help if they think they can do something themselves

Thing is that if you do have depression (and as someone who has had it, it definitely sounds like you do) then you 100% need to address it before shit gets serious

As to my habit of using spoilers I don't know if I can stop it all that easily. I've tried to stop before but go straight back to it. It makes me feel safer/better for some weird and probably dumb reason.

If you like it then w/e I guess, just be aware that sad thread IS FOR BEING SAD and it's kinda pointless to hide your sadposts in the sadthread

[George_Chickens]

I have a recurring infection in my mouth. Basically, the soft tissue of my gum wells up with pus and bursts. It's extremely painful and every time I get it, I get sicker than the last. This time, I have been so ill with it I've been sleeping 20 hours a day. I'm worried I'll die if it hits again.

I'm having some tests done, so maybe there's no cause for panic, but still. This is very unpleasant.

[ChairmanPoo]

the story goes that a unique tree (that lived for around several generations+) has died because of a fungus, and has been declared completely dead due to how fast it progressed--initial signs of that influence were as far as from early February of 2016. Last few paragraphs cover that it has been decided to stay in its current state for posterity, planning to be removed in the next 40+ years as it deteriorates naturally.

Yeah. It was a very iconic tree at my home city. One of the few giant sequoias in the Iberian peninsula.

In better days:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I think it was badly neglected for years, in my opinion. It's a shame such a tree was kept in such a small space.

There are other ancients in a park nearby, no sequoiae, unfortunately

[itisnotlogical]

I had all my classes picked out for this term: a nice music class to pick up a skill, some bio to tickle my brain and an online class so I can have some days off. It meshes perfectly with my schedule and knocks out a shitton of requirements for my transfer degree.

It's one credit short of full time, which means hundreds of dollars less financial aid. And I need every cent of that to survive only working weekends.

[Orange Wizard]

My bank changed the time they process automatic payments. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but it means that my board was going to be paid before, rather than after, my benefit payment. Board payment failed twice due to insufficient funds, bank charged a dishonour fee, now I have negative money. RIP.

[Emma]

I had all my classes picked out for this term: a nice music class to pick up a skill, some bio to tickle my brain and an online class so I can have some days off. It meshes perfectly with my schedule and knocks out a shitton of requirements for my transfer degree.

It's one credit short of full time, which means hundreds of dollars less financial aid. And I need every cent of that to survive only working weekends.

I've never posted this or pm'ed you about it but you really impress me itisnotlogical, you come across (to me at least) as a really tough individual who has to go through stuff they don't deserve. I really do hope that you're able to sort all this bullshit out.

My bank changed the time they process automatic payments. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but it means that my board was going to be paid before, rather than after, my benefit payment. Board payment failed twice due to insufficient funds, bank charged a dishonour fee, now I have negative money. RIP.

I don't actually know how banks work but is there anyway you could talk to them, explain and sort something out?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I was vomiting a bit this morning. Only in my mouth but it kind of sucked and freaked/stressed me out more and just made me feel even more not very good. At the moment I just want to hurt myself. I've tried punching myself and it felt alright. Then I tried cutting myself a bit with scissors, it felt not amazing but when I got home I was just so tense and stressed and angry that I felt I needed to do something to release it, if that makes any sense. It felt good for about one second but I just can't stop thinking about it and wanting to do it again, that kind of scares me. I couldn't focus on schoolwork today which was great because we had a test and nothing was really making sense. I feel, no actually, I know that I should get help but the thought of having to tell my parents that truly terrifies me for some reason. By the way I did try not putting this in a spoiler but it just felt... Weird.

[Erkki]

Okay Gamedragon. Ditch the rest of the help attempts and tell someone. Now.