My advice is to force yourself into the routine until you find a reason again. Depression is a hard thing to deal with, but not doing anything at all only made it worse for me. Everyone's experiences vary, so I can't even say that will help, but I think there's lots of evidence it will. Maybe also try to get some more sunlight to help with the physiological side of depression, but I know that's probably not going to be something you're very willing to do.
If only the daily routine didin't involve something that could be compared to scraping the wounds with a cheese grater. I mean fuck, there's a reason I'm venting here right now, because I can already kind of deal with my own daily dose of bullshit that my mind comes up with... as for sunlight... fuck it was snowing few days ago and the weather is still horrendously shitty so the only way to get sunlight here would be proably going above the clouds in a plane, which I don't really own.
Is there a particular reason you don't want to, or... something? I mean, a professional would be waaaaaaay more useful than venting in the sad thread.
+1
And there's no reason you can't be sullen and mean-spirited towards the therapist if you just don't like therapist kind, it's just that they've studied for years in the art of how to help people stop feeling terrible and so are more likely than us to be able to help. If you're just wary of psychology ( understandable ) you could try a priest of some sort? They also tend to have years of training in helping people stop feeling terrible. Barring that, at least talk to somebody in person, it's more effective than reading text.
First... well, I don't really know what I have against therapists, I proably just don't respect and trust them. As for priests - well, great fucking idea, except I would proably end up arguing over religion resulting in huge shitstorm, instead of actually talking about stopping felling terrible, because, again, I proably don't respect them... and for just somebody in person - there is a few people I could theoretically want to talk to, but none of them want to talk to me (big fucking suprise though, they have their own lifes and I'm pretty sure they don't want to get sad even more due to me and it's just way easier this way), maybe except for the whole reason for all this but none of us actually want to initiate the talk and... I'm afraid that in the end she would actually just go with it and somehow try to help me, which is why I'm not going to mention anything.
And yeah, don't get me wrong but it's not like I actually trust you guys, but I literally got no better ideas right now so venting here is basically everything I've got, even if I should stop long ago.