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[chaotic skies]

I can't show much emotion, because my mother-type person feeds on fear and weekness, I have to raise my little brother myself, and my step-dad's just done with everything. This tends to annoy people, especially the counselors

[TheBiggerFish]

....
*applies (platonic) hugs*

[miauw62]

Why are thoughts along the lines of "man if I had a gf I could do x and it would be so nice" still even a thing i think. It just makes me sad for all the things I was looking forward to except it didn't work out so I just sort of have to abandon all of that

[itisnotlogical]

I need to add the Facebook news sidebar to my ad-blocking extensions.

I was going to write a really angry post, but I would probably have been banned, or at least muted for a while, for what I nearly posted. I'm quite vitriolic right now.

[TempAcc]

Brother es stupid. Stupid brother, don't mess your life just because its giving you a hard time, stupid brother, better come to parents' home tomorrow so you can do some serious explaining, stupid brother.

[BFEL]

....
*applies (platonic) hugs*

*APPLIES SEXUAL HUGS*

[TheBiggerFish]

Ewww.

[Xantalos]

Oh lord. Oooooh lord. Oh deary me. This is probably not good. And I have to be away for the weekend when timing may be very important. Oh dear.

Welp, my timetable just got accelerated again

[chaotic skies]

My time table is never accelerated enough.

[Xantalos]

Well there goes most of my progress in controlling my mood swings and stuff. One lot of this and I'm back to being a quivering wreck oh for fuck's sake why did things have to line up like this of all possible times. Like one more week and it would've been perfect but now I may have not been able to get it at the right time and rrrrrrrgh fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckity fucker goddammit why did I have to agree to go to that workshop which is this week couldn't it have been a week later then it would've been fiiiiiine for fuckity fuck's sake godfuckingdammit I can't do anything right
Of course I'm going to recover from this, I'm freaking out right now but currently I believe it justified because I may have fucked over a perfect opportunity to say something oh god damn this thing reeeegh

I swear if this turns out like I think it may I'll never stop kicking myself but I know it won't because what I perceive as a rational viewpoint has been heavily distorted by near a year and a half of worrying and self-denial and shit like that so I likely have more time to work with than I think I do but oh god fucking dammit why did it have to be noooooow. I'm seriously considering canceling plans I've had for over a month just to do this

Fffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuck I hate being like this I need it to be over and done with already goddammit why can I not say anything I should've spoken up a long time ago fucking cowardice fuck

I've already spent a solid half hour just freaking out like this and I can't get myself to fucking calm down because everything in my life reminds me of the current scenario and I don't have anyone to talk to about it and I don't even think I necessarily want to talk to anyone I just want to relieve this mental pressure

Fuuuuuuuuuck

Edit: hah it's funny that I'm freaking out so much over something so non-urgent but goddamn it's near impossible not to

[chaotic skies]

It's okay. It'll all work out eventually, somehow. And even if it isn't exactly what you want, give it your best shot.
*Platonic hugs*

[Xantalos]

It's ... I've calmed down a bit now. Thanks. I've set things in motion now though. No going back. Can't delete text messages.

Happening sometime soon. No optimal time waiting bullshit, that's me cowarding out. Gotta ... this'll be resolved one way or another within the next week or two. Or at least this long period of agonizing silence will be, and that's better than nothing.

[Orange Wizard]

Can't delete text messages.

But you can send another message along the lines of "ohshit i'm so sorry i was drunk when i sent that"

[Xantalos]

This person knows me too well for that, and I don't get very irrational when drunk. Or at all, really.

It's all for the best though, and it's been set in stone. This whole hiding me feels business is going to be over in just over a week one way or the other.

Man, I really am a creature of deadlines. I had all this time to do something in and it's only once I perceive time as running out that I actually resolve to do anything. Need to work on that.

[Spehss _]

That feeling when I get to listen to my 68 year old father coughing and hacking at 1 in the morning. Feels bad man. He's getting older and will die one day and shit. :C

He's had this cough for a while now but it's been pretty bad the last couple days. He continues to insist it's allergies. Which I can believe, I guess, it's rained recently so there's mold in the air and it's cedar fever season where cedar trees spew all their green pollen all over the place and upset tons of people's allergies.

Still. Old parents. Pretty depressing, listening to him neurotically coughing every single day without signs of improvement. Mom's coughing some times too. I still think their blood pressure medication may have something to do with it but it just pisses my dad off now if I mention it.