Kinda comforting I'm not the only one that has issues with crap like this. Personally, going to a therapist will only fix the issues within, and not without. Though fixing oneself (with some assistance) is pretty much standard protocol for this crap; it's not always the most effective, or doesn't usually yield positive or otherwise tangible results (even negative results would work; at least it would be visible).
Sometimes, I feel it best to let the beast/devil within out of the system once in awhile to ventilate the spirit. It'll creep people out, naturally, unless you contain or isolate it more privately, or in a more easily receptive manner. Basically, whenever I'm in this mindset, always a good reliever of this stress is booting up a game that has sandbox elements (GTA, Garry's Mod, Minecraft; more power to you if in VR), get a bunch of valuable crap, NPCs, etc., and blow them to kingdom come; or in the case of NPCs, make elaborate, and even ridiculous, ways to ruin their day. Go nuts, and wreck shit until you're exhausted, or run out of ideas to vent your rage/depression/etc.; then return to reality without having your inner demons cause any more hassle. Of course, make sure to backup your saves/worlds/etc. first. Don't want to do anything we would regret later on.
So far, I still have those doubts you mentioned: "Is all this failure eventually going to pay off?", so far, not really. Only other result that forms is pissing me off by another 1.01x more; stack by years accumulated of failure, adjust for inflation of evolving social jackassery. In summary, my impatience count is pretty high, and I was a saint where my patience was regarded; nowadays, I'm practically a shameless sinner looking for the simplest answers and any possible shortcuts that are legal.
It's a shame that there's no cheat codes to life, or that life has what I would call a "Reality Barrier" on everything; so basically, it's gonna suck regardless, unless you have found a way to become a total karma houdini.