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[Orange Wizard]

A significant number of us have gone through depression as well, so we do (to a point, at least) get what you're feeling. And things do get better. It's hard but if you can push through it you'll be much happier for it.
And that's all I can really say without knowing more details. Keep it up, you're doing good. Things will get better in time. And talking to people does help. It doesn't matter if they're not close enough to make a profound difference, even just venting on random forums to random internet people is better than bottling stuff up.

[Amperzand]

D'you have anyone you feel comfortable talking to in person about whatever this is? Being alone sucks, and our brains don't handle it well. If you genuinely don't have a friend-group, that's likely a major part of the problem and should be rectified with a quickness.

I would view this situation as another dangerous obstacle in your path, with an end goal of survival and fixing the factors that made it happen. If there's no way out that pleases everyone involved, choose the one best for you, though that can include helping others.

I am in no way professional, qualified to give advice, or really experienced in dealing with particularly big problems, so take this with a grain of salt.

[Shadowlord]

You'll probably be pretty glad you didn't kill yourself in a few weeks when your brain chemistry comes back out of depressed-by-rejection-by-girl mode, what with death being irreversible, and there being plenty of other girls (now or in future). If you don't decide to try to never fall in love again.

[Kot]

A significant number of us have gone through depression as well, so we do (to a point, at least) get what you're feeling. And things do get better. It's hard but if you can push through it you'll be much happier for it.
And that's all I can really say without knowing more details. Keep it up, you're doing good. Things will get better in time. And talking to people does help. It doesn't matter if they're not close enough to make a profound difference, even just venting on random forums to random internet people is better than bottling stuff up.

Venting is apparently part of my problem.

D'you have anyone you feel comfortable talking to in person about whatever this is? Being alone sucks, and our brains don't handle it well. If you genuinely don't have a friend-group, that's likely a major part of the problem and should be rectified with a quickness.

I would view this situation as another dangerous obstacle in your path, with an end goal of survival and fixing the factors that made it happen. If there's no way out that pleases everyone involved, choose the one best for you, though that can include helping others.

I am in no way professional, qualified to give advice, or really experienced in dealing with particularly big problems, so take this with a grain of salt.

As for not having a friend group, it's the part of the proble. I thought I have a friend-group, with few people who I could really rely on and one certain female person which I though I could rely on even more, but in the end it turned out that I can't, at all. And it's not even about losing specifically her, as I thought before, it was complete utter shit but I thought I could get through it - but I got betrayed so damn fucking hard I can't even rationally explain why did she and they did it to me. I feel like I'm missing an very important thing that could explain it all. As for the way out which pleases everyone - there could be, but really it's pretty much impossible and also proably doesn't please everyone, and I'm not even sure if it would please me. And I'm not really in the position to choose.

And it's not even the whole problem, my family basically stopped caring about me existing, my mother is kind of in trouble too and we aren't exactly on the best terms, school just keeps throwing shit at me and people can't seemingly understand I'm having trouble and aren't exactly in the mood to do anything else than just pass, serveral other people want me to do stuff like I did before and are very suprised to hear that I can't and are giving me a lot of shit for "letting them down", living sucks and thanks to the modern social networking shit I keep seeing how amazing and great time everyone else has. I'm also kind of required to act like nothing major is happening, but I swear that one day I'll snap.

I've never suffered from depression (yet, there's still a good number of years in me (I hope)) so I can't exactly understand how you're feeling except by what other people say, and even then it's not perfect.

But from what people that have been suicidal have said, it's not something you want to go through with. Most people, upon doing something like jumping off a bridge, have a moment where they realise all their problems are fixable on the way down, and then they realise that it's too late to go back and undo what they just did.

And, to paraphrase that guy's (I don't remember who, go me!) lecturer, You can save people. It's OK if it's only one person, and it's absolutely fine if that person is yourself.

Their problems aren't really that fixable once it's too late to un-jump. As for the depression - I totally know what is happening to me, I've been through one already, for quite different reasons and it's proably because of that I'm again stuck in it, since I lost basically everything that brought be out of it at first. Seriously, I know all this talk, I know the reasons, I know that I shouldn't, I know it gets better, I have experience getting through it, kind of... but it doesn't get easier. I don't see an reason to live anymore, and it simply... hurts to live, I just want it to stop.

You'll probably be pretty glad you didn't kill yourself in a few weeks when your brain chemistry comes back out of depressed-by-rejection-by-girl mode, what with death being irreversible, and there being plenty of other girls (now or in future). If you don't decide to try to never fall in love again.

I seriously wish it was just that simple as being rejected by a girl. It is proably what was first piece of this whole spiral of shit and caused a good bit of it, but it's not.

[Shadowlord]

If everybody posts only the good things in their life on social media, it would make it look to everyone like everyone else's lives were better than theirs. Not a recipe for good mental health.

Did I read too far back in your posts or is this related to that?

[Amperzand]

Sounds like not having a group of people you can genuinely rely upon is the core of the problem. This is another area I have little experience with. Honestly, if those around you don't act like something's wrong, they're either kinda dicks and you need new friends, or genuinely don't realize it's a problem and should be informed as quickly as possible.

And yeah, if somebody only mentions the good things, they'd probably come off as an annoyingly-flawless human being. Nobody is, at least not without a shitty-fanfic-writer dictating their life.

[Shadowlord]

Well, you can drive even genuine friends away by acting completely irrationality, it they get fed up with it.

You could be misinterpreting their actions and words into rejection when it isn't. I don't know. I'm not there.

[Amperzand]

I don't know. I'm not there.

[Amperzand]

On the one hand, massive derail from ohgodKot'ssuicidal, on the other, this is fascinating: Something I've been learning in class recently is that many differences in ancient Greek mathematics suggest that their advancements were the result of the human mental capabilities changing. Earlier civilizations don't even seem to have had the concept of numbers as abstract, being apparently incapable of separating the concept of "5" from "Five Apples", or whichever physical thing was relevant.

[Yoink]

Hey, Kot.
Whilst I don't think I've ever been in a similar situation to you, I have suffered from serious depression at least once and I certainly know how it feels to lack anyone to talk to. From what I've read, you seem like quite an interesting person and I doubt you'd have much trouble making friends in the right circumstances- remember that just because one group of friends turned their backs on you doesn't mean you'll never make better, more trustworthy friends.

And as for suicide, well, I don't know if it would help others, but when I'm feeling like I'm at the end of my rope, completely miserable and overwhelmed by the world, I chase away the thoughts of suicide with stubbornness. I tell myself, "No, I won't kill myself. I won't let them win. I won't give up."
And then I turn my sadness into anger, and use it to claw my way back up out of the pit, no matter how tempting it is to give up.
People say anger is bad for you, but I feel like it's been keeping me alive for years. I hope you find a way to drag yourself out of this as well.
Maybe even a healthier way than mine. Good luck, man. *offer of internet hugs despite my lack of knowledge in the field*

[Jopax]

Sleep schedule is completely out of whack atm. I keep saying I'll fix it, but once the time to go to bed rolls around, I just kinda don't. I think it's several things really, one of the bigger ones is that I'd have lots of free time to think without distractions before falling asleep, which I really don't want to do right now.

But at the same time, I really hate sleeping in late and staying up all night.

[Cptn Kaladin Anrizlokum]

Maybe even a healthier way than mine.

It can't be much worse than "I'm lazy and hard to kill", which is why I'm not dead.

[hops]

Spoiler: probably not helpful (click to show/hide)

I fight suicidal urges by thinking that since I'm not an immortal being, it means that I will die anyways, and my time spent suffering on Earth is insignificant compared to the time I did not exist since the creation of the universe. I guess I'll have to figure something out later if I do get the chance to be immortal later down the road.

And I don't know if that's helpful, but really. If nothing else works, if everything hurts, just remember that one day you'll die anyways, and the years you will live is so utterly insignificant in the grand scheme of things that there is no point rushing towards your inevitable demise.

Again, though, itms just what works for me. Some people seems to think that the fact that one isn't immortal means that there's no point living, which I think is a pretty dumb way to look at things. The fact that mankind isn't rushing to create immortality already says that we're slowly committing suicide.

[Amperzand]

Aside from the small hint of "woo murica", I feel this song is relevant:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXteSV8rBwY&index=5&list=PLV2Kn5_NJZ43_hC9n-zQxJg1Ru2lmbxBS

[Bohandas]

Hey, Kot.
Whilst I don't think I've ever been in a similar situation to you, I have suffered from serious depression at least once and I certainly know how it feels to lack anyone to talk to. From what I've read, you seem like quite an interesting person and I doubt you'd have much trouble making friends in the right circumstances- remember that just because one group of friends turned their backs on you doesn't mean you'll never make better, more trustworthy friends.

And as for suicide, well, I don't know if it would help others, but when I'm feeling like I'm at the end of my rope, completely miserable and overwhelmed by the world, I chase away the thoughts of suicide with stubbornness. I tell myself, "No, I won't kill myself. I won't let them win. I won't give up."
And then I turn my sadness into anger, and use it to claw my way back up out of the pit, no matter how tempting it is to give up.
People say anger is bad for you, but I feel like it's been keeping me alive for years. I hope you find a way to drag yourself out of this as well.
Maybe even a healthier way than mine. Good luck, man. *offer of internet hugs despite my lack of knowledge in the field*

While on the topic of things that are bad for you or socially unacceptable but nonetheless still a better option than suicide, let's not forget the options of booze, porn, mindless videogames, and of course the old fallback, eating your feelings.