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[Kot]

and usually causes severe trauma to anyone close to you.

Like who? Everyone who I thought was close to me either doesn't actually care at all or actually hates me.
Also, it's not an solution. I just want the fucking life to stop hurting so much.

hell, even people who arent close to you will be hurt a lot. I know of people who people in their schools had offed themselves and even though they didn't know the person personally or were friends at all, every time they would question why couldn't they have gotten to know this person? Why weren't they nicer to them? Maybe they could've done something to prevent this.

ATM I wouldn't mind giving some regrets to some certain people.
On the other hand I'm going to sleep now.

[Yoink]

Have some pleasant dreams.

[scriver]

Got overwhelmed yesterday with, well, everything, and broke down crying. Twice.

First time alone, second time the instant I started talking to my wife on the phone.

I just feel so... inadequate.

I'm a high-school dropout with very little marketable skills, a shitty job where I'm already getting paid more than the bureaucrats in management think I should be, so little chance of a raise there, and even in the highly unlikely chance that some employer somewhere decides to look past all that, it will still be further away than I can possibly pay to move.

And somehow I need to figure out how to make ends meet enough to raise a kid.

I don't know if I can do it. It's just too overwhelming.

I'm not sure how much hurtjoy might cheer you up, but you can take solace in that you're still better off than me, if that helps any.

[TheBiggerFish]

*hugs Japa, SalmonGod, Yoink*

@Japa:Dude, you can do 3D rendering, you are not unmarketable.

[Rose]

My renderings aren't actually that good, though.

[TheBiggerFish]

But you can DO it.

I can't.

[karhell]

My renderings aren't actually that good, though.

You know your way through the basics, which is marketable in and of itself. Improvement comes with practice.
Also the fact that you're dissatisfied with your renderings show that you're aware of potential improvements. That's important. Had you been satisfied with them would show a lack of a critical mind, and/or an unwillingness to improve.
You might not feel like you're good at the moment (even though you're better than many of us), but with practice, you can become great.

[TD1]

Utilities that tackle problems no one else in this community does.  This community is full of people who are dedicated and tech-savvy and want the things you produce, yet somehow you're the only one who produces them.  That says something to me.  Clearly there are unique qualities involved there.  Not marketable?  Yeah, DF mods aren't of much interest to our capitalist overlords.  But I'm sure the qualities that you apply to your work for the DF community could be applied elsewhere.  Just got to look for that problem that no one else recognizes, solve it, and be recognized.

But you're not alone in feeling overwhelmed and resigned.  My sad is I feel like my health is going seriously downhill fast lately, and I have a really hard time convincing myself that I want to care.  I don't exercise at all anymore, don't care much about my diet, and sleep less all the time.  I don't know what I'm weighing these days, but all my pants are sagging off of me.  But I'm less and less seeing any possible future for myself that's at all motivating.  My worst nightmare that I spent all my 20s desperately trying to avoid has come true - my job has turned into a career that I never wanted.  I'm incredibly successful at it, and all my bosses praise me and say things that encourage me to pursue moving further up.  My direct supervisor has come pretty damn close to directly stating that he wants me to take his place.  But I don't want any of it.  I hate the culture of the industry I'm working in, not just on principle but it's fundamentally draining to me as an introvert.  I hate that work has taken over enough of my life so much that I haven't meaningfully pursued any of my own interests outside of work in 2 1/2 years, and it will only get worse if I move up.  But I'm stuck with it until some miracle happens, because I can't afford to give up half or more of my pay to start over from scratch in another industry.  I'm making ends meet for my family, but it's probably going to literally kill me.

Also feel like I'm emotionally drifting from my family.  Just kind of live here and putz around seeking mild low-effort contentment whenever I'm not doing whatever's necessary to enable everyone else to seek fulfillment.

Could your wife not get a job somewhere? Combined, you could scrape by until you'd worked your way into a new industry, surely.

[Helgoland]

-snip-

How in Satan's glorious name can the average student of your university afford a car? It's something rather unusual around these parts.

[BlackHeartKabal]

My little brother has rekt my PC, so I'm posting this from my phone.

[Yoink]

Have you since rekt your little brother?

[Rolan7]

-snip-

How in Satan's glorious name can the average student of your university afford a car? It's something rather unusual around these parts.

This is America, people often drive their cars to *high school*.  It's pretty dumb.

[Ghills]

-snip-

How in Satan's glorious name can the average student of your university afford a car? It's something rather unusual around these parts.

This is America, people often drive their cars to *high school*.  It's pretty dumb.

To be fair, often there's no easy way to get to the high school without a car. And it's not like the cars are expensive new ones, either.

[scrdest]

-snip-

How in Satan's glorious name can the average student of your university afford a car? It's something rather unusual around these parts.

This is America, people often drive their cars to *high school*.  It's pretty dumb.

...no, it isn't. America, in this case, I mean.

[Rolan7]

To be fair, often there's no easy way to get to the high school without a car. And it's not like the cars are expensive new ones, either.

Maybe I just haven't lived in an actual rural area (I grew up outside a town, but close enough that the bus got me anyway) but I thought high school buses covered...  Everybody?
Of course the bus ride can be crazy long.  I actually rode the bus to school, then walked home from that first high school.  For my senior year I was in a city and rode my bicycle, which saved at least half an hour.  Maybe a full hour.  That's where I saw so many people driving to school, even though everyone had to have other options...  It was just *cool* and what the middle class kids did.

At least that's how I saw it, and I didn't like it.  I was pretty excited about green policies back then, and did a lot of cycling anyway.

NCSU was a lot better actually...  Maybe because so many people were from other parts of the state, but also because the Wolfline system was reliable, free, and had good coverage.  Even when they put a bunch of classes off on a separate campus too far to walk to, the bus coverage meant that most people didn't insist on driving out there.  And on the main campuses, the walking paths were more expedient than trying to find parking.