It's not terrifying - well, can be, but it's not physically threatening to me.
Just ... fuck. I don't like it.
EDIT: fuck me it's worse than it's ever been. I've had an apple to eat today, that's it, yet I'm not hungry. I find myself constantly searching for distractions in order for the thoughts not to wear through my mind and shatter the facade of stability I'm holding up. I can't even go to sleep because they'll come back if I get off the internet. The moment I have free thought it comes and eats away at my peace of mind. It's even starting to express itself physically - not physically hurting through emotional pain, I've had that going on for a while - but I can't stop my fists from clenching sometimes, or I exert far more force than I need to in some tasks. Involuntary, of course. I've been holding cans of chips and accidentally crushed them - I'm just glad I haven't been holding any plastic bottles of juice or anything like that. But people are going to notice sooner or later if this keeps up, which it will until I do what I know will somewhat relieve the psychological pressure. I just ... I fuckijg can't. I should. But the situation is too delicate right now. I just have to hold out another week or two. I can do that, I swear I can. I hope. I'd wanted to keep this secret for many more months before I unboxed it - June seemed like a good time to do it. But the stress just escalated many times over and I can't take the strain of it much longer.
Just a little while. That's all I ask, mind. Just hold out a little while longer.
If there's any lesson you should take from this, it's don't keep secrets about things you feel very strongly about. Bottling it up leads to my scenario, where I was turned from a relatively psychologically stable person who was actually feeling good about themselves and the way life was proceeding into a fucking nervous wreck barely holding the facade of normality together by forcefully drowning my thoughts in fiction and distractions in the space of one sentence. So be honest about what you feel, 'cause this is not a desirable fate.
I'll survive, I know I will. This is but transitory. Doesn't stop it from hurting.