Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[KittyTac]

God damnit we just had a pun fight like ten pages ago are you all dads or something

Why do you awl hate puns? Just get a grip on them and you can handle the pun fight. If you ignore this advice, you are a tool.

[Max™]

God damnit we just had a pun fight like ten pages ago are you all dads or something

Hi or something, I'm not a dad because fuck ruining my life with kids anymore, I can't remember a time before I was capable enough that if you just sat an infant down next to me and left for the day when you came back it would be clean-ish, fed, and asleep, and I've got a decent grip on some memories that I know contextually had to be when I was just barely 4, and I turned 38 literally 10 days ago. The best part of kids is giving them back to their parents, goddammit, fuck all that "magical secret experience which you only know when you become a parent" shit. There are awesome moments like watching the gears clunk into place and start spinning when you help them discover how cool it is to figure stuff out about the big strange thing they find themselves embedded in which the big tall people call "the world" but then they dig a big stringy glob of snot out of their nose and wipe it on your pants exactly where you'll put your hand when you go to stand back up and discover their surprise gift of grossness and wonder if maybe the house couldn't use a few more five gallon buckets half full of water sitting around...

Kidding... mostly, probably, I mean, I compulsively can't let a kid be hurt, I remember cutting through the apartment complex pool in my jeans and tennis shoes and seeing a toddler tip backwards into the pool.

Next thing I know the parents are wondering why they just got blasted with water and who this strange wet dude putting their kid back on the side of the pool is because I didn't even get to think before I muay thai'D the shallow end from the far side of the pool to snatch the little dude out of the water because I've been responsible for watching kids too goddamn long.

Took a while to dry my wallet and shoes out, but naturally they went really quickly from "what the fuck why did you splash us" to "OH MY GOD DID HE JUST FALL IN WHAT THE HELL THANK YOU FUCKING AWESOME NINJA LIFEGUARD GUY" after they had a reasonable amount of time to process it.

So yeah, it's all good, but man, it is great not having any kids to deal with ever since the end of a period where the missus and I were helping the neighbor babysit/pick up/drop off his cool little dude of a son Elijah which we kinda got pressganged into doing a few years back from when he was like 4 and asking if she wanted to come over and chitchat (he bribed her with fresh fruit like the plum he was eating, said he had more, she told him "lemme see 'em" before accepting one and chitchatting with him) until he was like 10 I think.

Dude is like 17 now and he's been over 6 foot tall since he was 14, I'm 5'10" so it was a trip watching him just rocket skyward... the missus being 5'1" (and three quarters, she notes) was his height when we were dropping him off in like 2nd grade, so she's used to that sort of thing, and I'm glad she got to spend so much time getting to bond and enjoy him growing up while also getting to be very sick of the situation eating up so much of our time for years because she thought she was breaking bad news to me about not really wanting to have kids once we got free of the responsibility again... I was like, hah, I was worried YOU would want them, let's just have fun and collect animals and hobbies and shit!

Speaking of animals, we had a little cry earlier over Reggie, I realized last night that this was the last picture I had of the fat little sweetheart, and she said she keeps expecting him to barge in and let out his usual "HAAAAAIIIIIII YA'LL" mrowr he'd do when he wandered upstairs.

Spoiler: Sitting there being gay with our grumpy old man-dog Bandit, they were totally tsundere for each other. (click to show/hide)

We invited Larry upstairs onto the bed/bandits blanket for the first time as a treat for the missus and himself, he's our big Border Collie/Pit Bull stray that used to be a little pile of legs and ears which followed her dad home when he was walking Bandit years ago like "hey uh... mind if I crash here with ya'll for like... ever?" and is a big derpy derp who was super excited to come upstairs and stink all over bandits blanket and check out the various toys and sights and smells up here before we had to let him head back downstairs to calm down.

While I was washing dog stank off my hands I noticed one of our little bathroom creepyfriends was holding an ant or a gnat so I grabbed a pic, looks like she turned towards the camera even.

Spoiler: "I can explain, uh... they had a knife... and I had to defend myself... and then I was hungry so I figured why waste it?" (click to show/hide)

[Cattani]

What kind of spider is that? It kinda looks like a brown recluse but I guess you wouldn't be calling it a friend if it were. Those are dangerous!

My happy, got a job inverview today. Last ones were not so good, but this one is a little more related to what I do so I'm a little more positive about it. Keeping expectations low though.

[JoshuaFH]

What kind of spider is that? 

It's the kind you normally ever see in your dreams. Where you'll be in your home, but trying get out as the walls, floors, and ceiling are covered in spiders. You try to get out, but the doors are locked, and you can only watch as the millions of spiders converge on you. Seems one of the pesky little buggers escaped into the real world, it happens sometimes.

[Twinwolf]

I finished the PS4 Spiderman game. It was awesome all around (one might say amazing :p). Best one since Spiderman 2 way back when. The story got to me, the web-slinging was the best it's been in the series and fun enough that even after unlocking fast travel I didn't want to use it, the combat could use a little more polish but was still pretty dang fun, and the acting was simply great. I will not be unhearing Yuri Lowenthal's Spiderman for a while.

[scriver]

Question: Is it connected to the Movie universe or is it an unconnected adaption?

[Reelya]

I'm pretty sure it's a standalone one in the series. There's almost never a reason to do movie tie-ins unless you time it for a movie release itself.

EDIT: In fact, movie tie-ins are so universally hated that they make a point that this one is "A Brand-New and Authentic Spider-Man Adventure":

https://www.playstation.com/en-us/games/marvels-spider-man-ps4/

[scriver]

I'm talking about the vidya gaem

[Reelya]

Sorry I got my threads mixed up, but I edited it to be on topic.

[Twinwolf]

It's kinda it's own thing. It references some stuff from the movie continuities - Avengers tower, a Wakandan embassy, and Doctor Strange's place are there, along with some things from the MCU netflix shows like a business card from Daredevil, but the only superhero on scene is Spiderman. But it also frequently references the comics and this version of Peter is 23 and out of college, having been spiderman for 8 years.

TLDR: It's it's own adapatation and not a part of the MCU canon far as I can tell.

[Dunamisdeos]

The Amazing Spider-Man vidja series was quite good.

[Max™]

What kind of spider is that? It kinda looks like a brown recluse but I guess you wouldn't be calling it a friend if it were. Those are dangerous!

My happy, got a job inverview today. Last ones were not so good, but this one is a little more related to what I do so I'm a little more positive about it. Keeping expectations low though.

Spitting spiders hunt and eat recluses, among other assorted house pests.

Both have six eyes, weirdly enough, but very different looking side by side. Recluses have rounder more inflated looking legs, no knee markings, and generally a simple sort of creamy tan color with the iconic darker brown fiddle shape on their back. A recluse will generally pause and then kinda try to casually slink away, a spitter will just strut off where it was going, which often involves tracking down other spiders, and since I banned everyone in the house from killing spitters we've had very few encounters with recluses, the skinny legged mottled little creepybros are awesome about that, and tend to be very chill regarding people/handling/etc, just waiting for you to put them back down so they can get back to hunting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PJlfzc4SiE

Note that the spider being hunted there is a grass spider (down tucked into a carpet nook by a wall, when you startle them they'll take off across the floor) and harmless but similar enough looking to a recluse that no doubt they get smushed accidentally a lot. If you find a little plain tan looking dude sitting on the wall behind your coat and they try to slink across the wall to find cover, it's gonna be a recluse.

One that kinda looks similar but darker and sitting by your front or back door like a fucking dog waiting to be let out? Maybe a grass spider unless it's literally the size of a dog, then it's one of the big dramatic as fuck wolf spiders or maybe a fishing spider in some parts of the country.

I remember the woman being startled in the kitchen and saying "uh, Max?" so I leaned back from the computer to see what she wanted and my first reaction to seeing a 2 inch+ carolina wolf spider high stepping across the kitchen was to say 'uh, that's not a dog' before using a broom and dustpan to herd the excitable little fool over to the door (needed longer reach because they SPRINT) so I could let them back out. Gorgeous girls, damn near as big as the porch spiders, but impossible to handle reasonably because they are probably faster than you and very intent on being anywhere but calmly resting on your hand.

Technically I could probably safely handle a recluse like I do any other spider: let them decide to walk up onto your hand and where to go afterwards, and casually intercept the occasional armward journey with your other hand.

They're skittish though, and just too goddamn dangerous to play with in terms of "oh god my hand is rotting apart" types of risks.

I've gotten a big carolina wolf to cross my hands a few times but rather than stop or slow down they kinda dukes of hazard it and ramp off the other side, YEEEEE-HAWWWWW.

Climbing spiders tend to be easier to deal with, big complex web builders especially because they are looking for somewhere vertical to hang from and rest after any prolonged roaming around.

In happy news, I forgot how cute bolas spiders are, watch this one in 0.25x speed: https://youtu.be/zvtZIRlLmWU?t=30

*whapish-BAP*

[Dunamisdeos]

I will murder any spider unfortunate enough to cross my path.

[Max™]

In honor of Mr. Rogers and what he started doing for kids nationwide 50 years ago today, maybe just look the other way?

I was fine until I got to the story about the little boy with the big plastic sword who didn't know who he was and didn't want a hug, so he leans in and whispers something to him and the little boy nods and gives him a hug.

"What did you say?"
'Well, when I see a boy with a big sword or stick like that, he's usually trying to say he's strong on the outside.'
"Makes sense."
'I asked him if he knew he was strong on the inside too?'

[TamerVirus]

I will murder any spider unfortunate enough to cross my path.

Even if it's spider-man?
Can you rise up to that challenge?