The year is not over yet but I have realized that since the beginning of 2015 things in my life have changed rapidly..
But to a better state, I am still wondering if I just turned out to be more optimistic rather than my previous depressive states of mind, but I just recently started counting all my successes and I feel so awesome now.
--I wanted to turn a little bit blond, which I was told was impossible with my hair color. After hours of sunlight - Done.
--I applied to a prestige school that was the only school which was in my field of studying preferences - I was accepted.
--Before 2015 I have been seen by other people as unable to fulfill certain duties in life, I hated myself for this. Everyone´s performance was better than mine. Since then I somewhat attempted to re-organize my mind to meet the standards, - I dare to say I have accomplished this, no longer am I seen as a slacker, the incompetent one, people actually compliment my efforts now.
--I have changed my living place and I have met very awesome people and even learned that racism and stereotypes are a non-sense.
--Since the beginning of 2015 I have made the effort to frankly apologize to the people I have insulted and tried to quit all the grudges, I have somewhat managed to re-established old ruined relationships.
This all makes me happy, I now enjoy every positive thing in my life. Maybe this will change in a year, month or a week and I will be again sad and depressed with my every day failures while laughing at the egoistic assumptions of my self-declared "successful" life but until then, I look forward to the future of tomorrow saving every moment of joy and ready to face the challenges.
I am happy.