I had a major panic attack from all the terrible things going on and now I'm sedated.....
I know it's the chemicals and that it's gonna be a major pain when it wears off, but it is a thing that is happening right at the moment. I might as well try to enjoy it? Is that the right phrase? I'm not certain. Probably not. O well. Please be extra sure not to quote this. Thank you for your consideration.
The nurses really seem to actually like me though. They're smiling with their eyes (you know how with the starbucks smile there's that blank stare or faked look? Not there). And also they're spending more time with me than they have to, like they're taking their breaks with me and chatting a bit. I'm all popular with the ladies, except you know, the whole gay / only liking men thing. (shrugs). Meh.
It's a very odd feeling not caring about anything at all. I'm not as numb as I thought I would be under this type of chemically induced sedation thingy, but it's this feeling of calm. It's so very unfamiliar for somebody who constantly worries about everything, for themself and for others. I just don't care at all, and not in that sorta,"F*** everything, I don't give a S*** kinda way." Nothing has any meaning whatsoever, and nothing phases me one bit. I know there's no such thing as ... I dunno ... an alien or something, but if on some hypothetical example I could see one right in front of me, I would just waive nicely to him, her, it? Wouldn't phase me in the slightest. I'd try and talk to it, hoping english was a possibility or that there were those Star Trek universal translator things in play somehow, and I'd talk and have a conversation. Again keeping in mind I know that's not real etc, blah blah blah.
It's also a very different feeling from being drunk. Being drunk, at least for me makes me very lightheaded after enough. Not this. I feel oddly lucid, though perhaps I'm not? I dunno. Evidently I'm good company as I've made a new nurse friend or seven (7). I know I might be ever so embarrassed /sad when this wears off but in the meantime, wow.
Edit: in case you're wondering, some guy ran his car into mine. That's what caused it. I freaked out about it. They said he was drunk. Well, I have to turn off my phone, but they're really nice about it. O well, later.