So, I was browsing Reddit, and I came across a thread.
It's more security breach, since this deals with DNSSEC, and remaking the code, but whatever. Naturally, many LoTR jokes were made. Until I came across this. I present, LoTR, rewritten in internet form.
Some old greybearded 70's-era phone phreaking dude will knock on the door of user "Fr0LOL", and charge the nerdy guy with going on a trip all around the world with his four D&D pals to collect his fellowship of hackers; a fat short bloke from Scotland who works in IT, this tall Japanese dude who collects elf girl body pillows, and a podcaster and his brother from Australia. The group must together use their skills to infiltrate MORDOR, the security company that is suspected to house the massive botnet looking to crash the entire internet, and take his "ring", the card with the decryption code needed for the other cards, and make sure they don't restart the entire internet.
Along the way, Fr0LOL gets his wrist broken, unable to type. They catch a flight to Japan where the Japanese dude's crew of perverted otaku friends live and enjoy their national healthcare. Gandalf learns that his old coworker, the Jobs to his Wozniak, has sold out and ratted him out to The Man. Elrond-San knows, and says that if the US gets ahold of the The One Card, it's all over, and they must destroy it.
On their quest, they go to this huge cube farm, hoping to use one of the computers to flash the thing and nobody will know. Gandalf gets caught by the cops, managing to stall them while the rest of the fellowship runs, after shouting "Fly, you fuckheads!" and is tazered and arrested. They hide out with one of the Podcaster's girlfriends, this geek girl who actually is a legit developer and who gives Fr0LOL a special keychain thumb drive that lights up when it senses government-encrypted wifi hotspots. He realizes this shit is too dangerous, and he and his bro Sam ditch everyone.
Boromir, the other podcaster, gets his ass arrested because he tried to log on at an internet cafe and didn't fucking use an incognito tab. The government has taken Gandalf and given him to Saruman, saying if they work together they can circumvent the One Card to reboot the net with their own terms, giving Gandalf super OP powers to every server the MORDOR botnet controls if he agrees. But he bounces, and now White!Gandalf is free. FrOL0L's other friends meet the Ents, a bunch of potheads from reddit who use their nerd powers for good(mostly), and who agree to drive them to meet White!Gandalf, pick him up, then get the fuck to MORDOR's HQ.
Meanwhile, Fr0LOL and Sam meet Mr. Gollum, a government worker who hates his job and the shitty-ass coffee at his office and wants to stick it to them. He's annoying, and Sam doesn't trust him, but Fr0LOL does and he tags along with them, since he's got access to the big MORDOR main floor. At some point he uses the One Card's power to check out some gross-ass emails Gollum was sending to some OKCupid girl, and realizes his power is just too great and gets creeped out. Gollum accidentally walks into a little spider, freaks out, and throws it on FrOL0L, who has massive arachnophobia, and passes the fuck out. Sam, who isn't a wuss, smashes it, but loses Gollum in the process "I always knew that shithead was a fucking asshole". The keychain lights up, prompting the nearing government workers, and they manage to escape.
Saruman is waiting at MORDOR's HQ for FrOL0L and Sam. FrOL0L, being an unexercised slob, can't walk up any more stairs to the top floor. Sam, who is stronger (ironically), elects to carry him. The Scottish dude and Legolas-san become friends, as they share the same anime waifu. Saruman says he gave Gandalf ultra OP powers, and can do the same for FrOL0L, since the One Card has immense powers. He can do, and get access, to anything, on any server, private, encrypted, or not. He nearly agrees, but Mr. Gollum wants that power, sick of being an office peon, and leaps for it, but smashes through a glass window and out into oblivion. The key, having left the premises after being activated, completely overwrites itself and all the info on it is lost.
White!Gandalf tells the government Saruman just wanted power so he could control the net, he was going to sell it to China or North Korea, and get rich. Saruman is arrested. Aragorn, the podcaster who didn't get deported, marries his girlfriend, gets a green-card in the US, and is offered Saruman's job, which he takes and is now a big-time at MORDOR. FrOL0L is released of charges and he and his bros go back home and play a D&D campaign where everybody is elves and hobbits and shit.
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Topic: [MILK] There were 12 eggs here what did you do with them? (Happy thread?!) (Read 16321417 times)