I went for a walk today.
I went for a walk today, because I was sad. And it was okay. It's okay to be sad. I am going to be okay. I think I gave a beautiful young woman some hope for her future today, when she had none before. She saved my life, it is the least I could do. I understand that one day I am going to meet the right person,
at the right time, and it's going to be joyous. Fulfilling. I know what I want to do with my life. I want to find someone to share it with. And I want to travel.
I am so young. And I have so much left to learn, so much left to see. It's not going to be easy. I'm not going to want to do all of it. That's life. You gotta get the bad with the good, or you would never appreciate the good. So what I am going to do, starting today, is I am going to choose to be happy. I have the ultimate power of choice over myself, faulty brain chemistry be damned. I may be clinically depressed and bipolar, but I still get to choose who I am and what I do.
I'm still growing. I grew an inch in the last month, somehow. And I finally healed an old, festering wound that had gone too long without attention. I've been so afraid to reach out that I'd forgotten how. Moreover, I didn't feel like I deserved that connection. I know I am a good person. I do bad things, with depressing regularity, but I am
trying my very best to learn from my mistakes and to treat people decently. I know now that I DO deserve that connection. Not only that, but... (This sounds so arrogant. Fuck it.) But it would be cruel of me to deny someone the chance to connect with me. I am worth knowing. I don't know why, but I know I am.
I went on a walk today, and I just went where my feet took me. I had a destination when I started, but halfway there, I realized that I couldn't go there. You can't stick to the old familiar path. Sometimes you have to take a different one. I'm not really happy right now. I'm sad, because things didn't work out, and because my brain hates me. But I choose to have a positive take on this. I learned that not everyone out there is going to hurt me and push me away. I learned I can trust again, even when I have every reason not to. I learned much more than that, but I think two lessons learned in less than an hour is a pretty goddamn good start.
I don't know what's going to happen today and I don't exactly care. I am ready for it though. I'm facing it calmly, without climbing into the bottles again.
* Hans takes a deep breath.
I'm going to be okay.
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Topic: [MILK] There were 12 eggs here what did you do with them? (Happy thread?!) (Read 16273550 times)