Vector = feces
Fuck you too, man >:[
Yay Vector sighting!
How's school/life/etc going?
School is okay, life is okay.
I'll be honest.
My recent former boyfriend is being unusually... I dunno, I think I'm getting older and maturing, and so I'm less satisfied with the way I've conducted myself in relationships. So I know that I did a lot of things wrong in this last run-through, which I'm sitting with, and yet simultaneously I'm kind of miffed. I'm being treated... unusually poorly, and it's well known that this fellow is trying to punish me for leaving after giving ample warning and bowing under a great many other punishments for things I would have needed to be totally logically corrupt to do. That and tried to sweep a lot of hardcore sexism under the rug under the name of "taboo humor." But back then I (stupidly--this was my fault) didn't stand up for myself, didn't really bring up what an ass he'd been until we were breaking up, so he got the idea that I could be controlled and would come running back to him smiling and infinitely forgiving of abuse as long as he leveraged enough pressure in a particular way.
Apparently I served at the pleasure of the pure and blameless physicist. It's one of those situations where telling him he's a dick or whatever won't fix the problem--it's simply "I want revenge, so my goal is to extract pain from you until I'm satisfied." He looks at me like I'm disgusting if I speak to him, so, you know--not going to work. Hurting him back would just vindicate his behavior. I'm looking forward to graduating.
I guess you could say that I'm back here again because I can't fucking stand the social situation the outside world is putting me in right now, and at least I feel like everyone likes me well enough here. But seriously--I'm happy to be here, and I've missed y'all. You guys are great.
I'm in a sort of weird position in my life, where I'm changing drastically from month to month in terms of the clarity and extent of my vision, the standard with which I'm satisfied, and my abilities. This is generally a positive, but it's exhausting.
On the other hand, my classes are pushing me really hard, I'm getting a lot out of them, and I'm having a lot of fun. About to join some sort of mad scientist roleplaying campaign, which should be totally awesome.
Just kind of tired, I guess--not especially sad, not especially happy, pleased with life but perhaps somewhat lacking in peak experiences.
Anyway, I just finished watching
What Dreams May Come, which I recommend to everyone on the basis of visual splendor and being a pretty damn lowkey Robin Williams movie. Probably the only thing of his that I like... though I agree with Ebert that the ending doesn't commit to the difficult choices the rest of the movie made. Still, seriously, it's brilliant.
The guy I've got a minor crush on in my poetry class seems interested, so that's cool, too. I'm not really into him or something, but at this stage of my life I've somewhat disabused myself of the notion that I'm dating for Big Relationship Reasons so much as a little character development, so going out with a very harmless and weird English major for a while seems like to could be entertaining.
Oh, and Thai for lunch tomorrow. Yeeeeesss.