Alright, so I had a bad day, which turned into a meh day, which turned into a sad day, which turned into an awesome day, and for all the wrong reasons.
I was just feeling extremely lonely and out of touch with the world today, so I did something I don't usually do and just drove my car around instead of huddling in my room by myself. Through pure coincidence, there was a concert playing in the Bay City downtown stage, and I attended it because why not?
While I thought that the scenario was cool, getting to see a concert I didn't plan for or even knew about, it just made me feel even lonelier in that even though I was surrounded by a throng of people, I don't feel any sense of connection or community, and in a way just made me feel even more isolated.
So when the concert ended, I go to my car that's parked a block away, and I get to the door and think "Where am I going to go now?" and I just can't think of a place to go. I see that the streets will soon be flooded with the cars of people that are leaving the concert, so I just decide to take a walk.
And I walk along the Saginaw river, and I ponder some morose things. Like I see some ducks and I think "You're lucky ducks, you're bound together into groups by instinct and necessity so you probably don't feel loneliness, and you're lives aren't long enough to feel deep regret."
After that though, I keep on walking, down the road, seeing all the shops I'm semi-familiar with, and I get to the road leading down into Essexville and I keep on walking. So what was a short stroll is turning into a long walk.
and I keep going, thinking to myself that my life is so bland and tasteless, that I just want something, anything to happen to happen, even something really bad, I just want it to happen and change everything, to change the whole game. I keep walking and reach Essexville, and decided to keep walking through it. Eventually I walk all the way to the other side, so what was a long walk has now turned into a Journey.
I'm still angry at myself at this point, and I refuse to let myself turn back now. I'm angry that even though I'm so lonely, that I never approach people to try to get to know them, to become ingratiated into any group or try to get to know a woman or anything, that in my mind I'm still the outlier, the outsider, the loner, that even this journey that I'm taking is being done solo, by myself. I walk further into the outskirts of Essexville and at this point the sun has already set completely and it's very dark out besides for some flashes of lightning in the horizon and the occasional streetlight. I reach the surrounding farmland, and I think that I should turn back, but you don't turn back in a Journey, it's not acceptable, so while I've run out of sidewalk, I keep walking down the gravel besides the now very dark farm road to perpetuate my irrational reasoning.
My journey has become some sort of twisted Quest now.
So I walk walk walk down the back road for a long time now. It's atleast 10 or 11 now, I've turned my cell phone off at this point because goddammit I don't want to be interrupted, I don't want to have to explain what I'm doing, I don't want to keep track of time, and in a weird way I want to cut myself off from potential help, that in case something perilous does happen while I'm out here by myself in some backwoods area, I want the danger to be real as humanly possible, and that I'll need to face it if I want to continue living, and I'm not allowed to pussy out and ask for help along the way.
While nothing dangerous does happen, I do get to see another fellow traveling the opposite direction on roller-blades. I eventually reach the first intersection in a long time and I take a right planning that I'll eventually loop back around to my starting location. My quest has now become an adventure.
At this point, it's very late. While the occasional car would pass by before and bother my train of thought, now there's noone. It's just me, the dark road, and the increasingly blusterous winds. It takes a long time before I hit another legit intersection, I went down a dead end by accident along the way, but this was the right way I was sure of it. I bought a map from a 7-11 before heading down this way, an action which steeled my upcoming resolve to even go this far, I was alittle ashamed of myself for lying to the cashier when she asked my if I was new to town. I told her I was some Tennessee tourist here to see some relatives, I don't know why I lied like that.
Anyway, now I was heading back towards the way I came. My feet and legs are now becoming really tired, but I know that I'm by myself and can't let fatigue overcome me in such a desolated area, so I press on and push the pain out of my head, because I know the only way I can go is forward now.
My adventure has become some sort of self-imposed forced march now.
I keep going, and I finally make it out of the farmland, and back into Essexville. It starts to rain, I love walking in the rain so I wish it starts raining harder.
And does it start raining harder. But still, I think that an adventure should have a formidable obstacle to overcome, and a storm is perfect for any setting, so I'm urging the rain to come down even harder still. The rain is more than happy to comply, and I'm hit with nonstop heavy rain and winds, and I'm soaked. Still though I want it to rain harder, that some maniac in me wants to have to wade through a flood to have to get back.
And while it doesn't flood, it's raining hard enough now that now I'm always walking through puddles, and my new sneakers are sopping wet now and filled with water, and I'm still far away from my destination. Now I'm inventing bullshit marching songs to give me strength to press on, my previous worries are forgotten about and I'm just focusing on each individual footfall and giving it some beat and rhythm in my head to keep me going. I eventually hit the road that I was originally on, and I'm on the right track. I'm my own motivational speaker at this point, where I only normally murmur to myself in public, now I'm almost yelling and laughing about any little bullshit to give me continued energy.
Finally hitting the stretch of road that my car is parked at, the rain and wind picks up and it's a torrential downpour now. I asked for rain, and holy tits did I get it. I'm getting walloped in the face with the water and wind always pushing me back and to and fro, and I'm needing to steady myself occasionally, and I'm just laughing and enjoying myself now. Despite the pain I felt earlier, I feel I overcame my self-imposed adversity and now I'm just living it up with lightning cracking and thunder booming overhead. This is truly the best chorus to a great experience, I'm thinking to myself. Of all the days to get this sweet sweet sweet rain, when I'm always asking for rain because we go for so long between rainstorms, and I get it today. I think it's almost ironic. When I finally get to my car, my legs are stiff and I need a few minutes just to collect myself.
And my forced march became some sort of enriching spiritual experience at the very end.
I take off my sopping wet shirt and put it aside, and my cell phone that I hope isn't damage, and my new map that got soaked in my pocket but I think can still dry out and be good. I take off my shoes just to shake all the water out of them, and listen to what is probably the best fucking smooth jazz I've ever heard while doing so. It felt better than great.
And then I just drive shirtless back home, and finally change out of these wet clothes. My feet have blisters or boils or something on them, but I still appreciate it all the same.
I hadn't planned for any of that, but I'm glad I did it. I charted my course on google maps and found that my entire walk was only about 9 miles.
Now I'm exhausted. I'm going to enjoy this sleep too.
Author
Topic: [MILK] There were 12 eggs here what did you do with them? (Happy thread?!) (Read 15776379 times)