So, a buddy of mine is planning to run an internet game based on something in MS Paint Adventures. This is only tangentially relevant to the happy, partially because I'm completely unsure of what the quality will be. What you have to understand here is that character descriptions involve lots of capitalization to emphasize important concepts and/or jokes, and we're supposed to write descriptions in the same manner as those in the actual comic.
I decided on a theme for mine, and while this is only a rough draft (and so needs quite a bit of polishing), I think I've done pretty well, even interspersing other stupid jokes to distract from it. Some of you will spot it pretty quickly, some of you will just be annoyed at the reference if you see it, but hopefully somebody gets a chuckle out of it.
You are an ORPHAN, but your parents left you A GREAT DEAL OF MONEY, and you have been LEGALLY ADOPTED BY YOUR FATHER'S COUSIN'S BROTHER'S NEPHEW'S FORMER ROOMMATE'S EX-MAID, who was also a CLOSE FAMILY FRIEND and YOUR FAMILY'S COOK. You're not sure why you didn't SAY THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE. You live in an APARTMENT BUILDING, your FAMILY MANOR having been consumed in a MYSTERIOUS FIRE. You are great at ROLEPLAYING GAMES. Or at least, you think you are. You've never played an emotion other than ANGST, and your MASTERY OF THE RULES is such that your characters have a lifespan of about a WEEK. Your favorite game is VAMPYRE: THE REMASKENING, but you believe that the quality of the books is in its TWILIGHT years, as the quality of the writing has gone down significantly. Your favorite drinks SPARKLE with carbonation. You love OLD WESTERN MOVIES, and have even written SCRIPTS. Somehow, all but one of them are WORD FOR WORD TRANSCRIPTS of CLAUS-YOHAN VON DARNNE ACTION MOVIES, none of which you have seen. The remaining is a MASTERPIECE, but you consider it garbage. You collect STUFFED ANIMALS, and have a preference for BATS and CANINES. You have lots of the MORE SNUGGLY KIND, but you appreciate the RARITY of the TAXIDERMIED EXAMPLES you have strategically placed about your BEDROOM. Even if they are kind of CREEPY. You also collect brightly colored STONES, and have a veritable RAINBOW of them adorning the wall above your bed. You did have to make a DASH for that last TURQUOISE, but you know that the positive energies will be MORE THAN WORTH IT. You dress WITH SOME ECCENTRICITY, preferring to wear your LONG COAT with a TOPAZ PIN at all times, even in the HEAT OF SUMMER. You have an interest in NAVAL WARFARE, particularly of the HISTORCAL VARIETY. You pay CLOSE ATTENTION to the TECHNOLOGY, and even have a few examples sitting around in your room. Your favorite of these is, of course, the LIVE MINE from WORLD WAR 1 that you bought from a SHADY DEALER. Your DEEP STUDY has allowed you to determine that it is in PERFECT WORKING ORDER, except for a defective FLOODER. Obviously, you are not SHY about working with EXPLOSIVES. In a freak CANOE ACCIDENT in your childhood, you lost your left PINKY, but fortunately you didn't use it for much anyway. Your favorite PIE is the truly delectable APPLE, and you are eternally grateful for the tree that grows in your yard. You are a master of JACKS, although you have not found many people willing to play since ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.