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[Schilcote]

My grandfather got a job as an engineer at an oil company and ended up with the entire company.

Every time we bring him somewhere he always tells us about some time he was designing oil pipelines that we were standing on.

[scriver]

I'm a nobleman, but please don't tell the upper forum. I do not want to pull that shiny new lever in my shiny new room.
Of course, since noblehood is abolished (those liberal bastards, taking away my blood-given rights!), it doesn't mean anything at all. I don't even get a mention in the Calendarium Nobilis since it's from my mother's side (those conservative bastards, taking away my blood-given rights!)

[Solifuge]

I'm one of the last descendants of the Ebersoldt Clan of Switzerland (at least of the American branch). The name means "Boar Soldiers", and they were a mercenary clan, renowned for their military tactics, stubborn tenacity, and colorful outfits. According to stories, they were too stubborn to die (hence the name) and the famed Landsknechts actually cribbed their tactics, and even their flamboyant dress-code, from them. They hired out to foreign militaries in the late Middle Ages and early Renaissance, but they pledged themselves to maintain neutrality, never took prisoners, and had a love of war and fighting.

Spoiler: Despite the technicolor dreamcoats, these guys kicked serious ass (click to show/hide)

[Huesoo]

ITT dickwaving

[Bandages]

Could God microwave a burrito so hot, he himself couldn't eat it!?

[Josephus]

Could God microwave a burrito so hot, he himself couldn't eat it!?

Yes.

[ILikePie]

No.
Great (great?) granddad was an Iraqi trader, with a camel, mules and all that awesomeness.

[Duke 2.0]

Could God microwave a burrito so hot, he himself couldn't eat it!?

No. He always microwaves burritos at the perfect temperature. Always.

 Currently in my graphic design class, waiting for work to begin.

[Josephus]

Could God microwave a burrito so hot, he himself couldn't eat it!?

No. He always microwaves burritos at the perfect temperature. Always.

I still say yes. Because God doesn't microwave burritos for himself, he microwaves them for the universe.

[Footkerchief]

My ancestry includes a Revolutionary War militia colonel who never saw action, and (supposedly) a pastor who got burned at the stake for heresy in England.  Oh, and at least one samurai.

As for what made me happy today: moved to the house in Carrboro.  The room needs some major cleaning and furnishing, and I've barely unpacked anything yet, but I still got a good first night's sleep with my mattress plopped on some wooden boards.

[Solifuge]

I'm descended from a clan of Irish badasses.

My ancestor won a decent patch of land to run his kingdom in by chopping his hand off and tossing it onto the land (in a race for it, BTW), and won on a technicality.

You're an O'Neal? I love that family story... so badass. Also, I apparently worked with one of your relatives.

[Itnetlolor]

I'm descended from a clan of Irish badasses.

My ancestor won a decent patch of land to run his kingdom in by chopping his hand off and tossing it onto the land (in a race for it, BTW), and won on a technicality.

You're an O'Neal? I love that family story... so badass. Also, I apparently worked with one of your relatives.

O'Reilly, actually. Yeah, we're a sick bunch. Heck, our family tree is just insane looking. We have to book an entire (pretty large) park in advance just to have us wandering/seated comfortably during our family reunions. At least hundreds of us in the same spot for a good day; and the numbers just keep growing.

Which reminds me, when was the last one I attended? Been ages.

[Ochita]

I just saw this and I thought it was funny.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[Aqizzar]

Oh, are we comparing family histories?  Goodie, I have some partially-substantiated semi-badass ancestors.

According to an old family-lineage printout I read, I'm partially descended from some guy named Jonathan White, born 1633 in Wales, who moved to the Connecticut colony with his family in the 1650s.  It's hard to say who or if any of his family 120 years later fought in any battles.  Knowing my genes, they were probably Tories who profused their asses off as soon as the garrison split.

My great-great-great (-great?) grandfather was a colonel in the Tennessee State Guard Cavalry, who fought like a wild banshee for the stars'n'bars (I presume), before running like Hell for Texas when the war ended, where he took an Indian wife and failed miserably at farming.

Several other great-nth grandparents left Germany in 1916, to later become war-profiteers; escaped from Poland in the 1940s; and one was a Caddo Indian.  Not sure how many great achievements any of them had.  I do know a notably large number of women in my family's history, including my current paternal grandmother, made good at marrying money and then ditching the guy it came with.  Never seems to last very long though.

[Akigagak]

Well, I know for fact that my ancestor from a thousand years ago fought alongside William the Bastard when he took control of all of England. He was a ranking officer, along with the other founders of major families, (Pallot, Renouf, etc) and all of them got giant chunks of Jersey as their own.