You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: You stand on a road outside a cave. Obvious exits are east, west, and in.
Stranger: I'll bite. In.
You: You are in a cave. It is dark and scary. You can't see the exits.
You: You have nothing to bite.
Stranger: :| NEXT CHOICES, GO.
You: It's dark.
You: You'd better get a light.
Stranger: I take two twigs on the ground and use them to start a fire.
You: You light a fire.
You: You now have a torch.
You: You are in a dimly lit cave.
You: Obvious exits are out and north.
Stranger: North.
You: You are in a fork in the cave.
You: Obvious exits are south, northeast, and northwest. The remains of an explorer are here.
Stranger: Northeast.
You: You are in a dead end cavern. Obvious exits are southwest.
You: A merciless Grognard stands here.
Stranger: What weapons do I have?
You: You have a shortsword and a torch.
Stranger: What does the grognard look like, and does he have any weapons?
You: The grognard is eight feet tall and has a sledgehammer.
You: He is very ugly.
You: His neck is bearded.
Stranger: Okay fuck that, southwest.
You: The grognard looks disappointed as you go.
You: You are in a fork in the cave.
You: S, NE, NW, explorer
Stranger: Northwest.
You: You are in a winding passage.
You: Obvious exits are northwest, southeast, and e
You: East, that is.
Stranger: Northwest
You: You are standing at the edge of a pit.
You: Obvious exits are southeast and down.
Stranger: How deep is the pit, and is it possible to see what is down there?
You: You cannot tell how deep it is, or what's inside.
Stranger: Go east back to the winding passage, and go east
You: Perhaps if you had a rope.
You: You are in a giant beehive.
You: There are giant bees everywhere.
You: There are dead giant beekeepers everywhere.
You: Obvious exits are west and CLIMB HONEYCOMBS
Stranger: Do the bees look agressive, and are their stings dangerous?
You: The bees do not appear to notice you. You think their stings are probably pretty dangerous.
You: The bees are the size of grognards.
You: The beekeepers are probably grognards, but they're dead now.
Stranger: What injuries do the grognads appear to have?
You: Beestings.
Stranger: Okay...move somewhat closer to a bee, and see if it notices
You: The bee looks at you, and says hello.
Stranger: Ask the bee where I would head to if I climbed the honeycombs, and if the bees would let me pass unharmed.
You: The bee says it would lead to the queen, and yeah, it guesses you'd be fine.
You: Just don't fall.
Stranger: Climb the honeycomb to go have a conversation with the queen.
You: You climb up the honeycombs, getting honey all over you.
You: You are in the queen bee's chamber.
You: The queen bee and her attendants are here.
You: Obvious exits are back down the honeycomb.
Stranger: Request to talk to the bee queen.
You: You ask one of the attendants, and at the word bee it shouts "Bee?! Where?"
You: The other bees start up.
You: One in the hive proper shouts "HOLY SHIT BEES"
You: Soon the hive is in a frenzy, with screams of "STAND STILL, DON'T BOTHER IT" and 'OH NO I'M ALLERGIC" echoing through the caverns
You: The attendants quickly carry the queen down a secret hallway to escape the bee menace.
You: One of the attendants gives you a suspicious glance, and mutters "Watch out, I think there's a bee over there"
You: Meanwhile, you hear an explosion, and part of the honeycomb collapses.
You: The entire hive is in a panic.
Stranger: Request if I can follow the queen and help protect her in return for information about other exits besides the one I came in from.
You: In response, the remaining attendant shouts "DIE BEE!" and menaces you with his stinger.
Stranger: Get on my knees, beg not to be killed and say that I am not a bee.
You: The bee glares at you, and calls you a coward, before flying off into the cavern and stinging other bees.
You: You notice the secret hallway is still open.
Stranger: Go down the hallway.
You: You are in the secret hallway. There are dead bees everywhere.
You: Behind you, another explosion collapses the tunnel, blocking your path.
You: Obvious exits are further in.
Stranger: Continue down the hallway.
You: You find the queen, stung multiple times by her own retainers. She gurgles and wheezes in her final minutes.
You: One of the surviving retainers challenges you.
Stranger: By challenge, do you mean charges me or challenges me to a duel.
You: He brandishes his stinger and yells "Have at thee, vile bee!"
Stranger: How big is the dead queen.
You: She's not dead, and huge.
You: Like three or four grognards.
You: We'll say 3.7 metric grognards in length.
Stranger: Could I run behind her body before being stung, using her as a shield?
You: You could.
Stranger: What are the other retainers doing.
You: They're dead.
You: The queen put up a fight.
You: Plus, bees.
You: One sting and all that.
Stranger: You said one of the surviving retainers, not the last surviving retainer.
You: Did I?
You: Well, there could be more down the hall.
Stranger: How dark is the hall?
You: It's pretty bright.
You: You can see clearly.
Stranger: Like I would still be able to see well without the torch?
You: Probably.
Stranger: Okay, I'll take that chance. Throw the torch at the retainer, and run behind the queen as fast as I can run.
You: The torch catches the beetainer's fur on fire, and his screams echo throughout the halls.
You: The bee queen coughs, beckoning you weakly to her.
Stranger: Is the retainer dead or incapacitated?
You: He's on fire. He'll be dead in a few seconds.
Stranger: So he poses little to no threat to me?
You: No.
You: Unless you hug him.
You: That would burn you.
Stranger: Okay, that doesn't sound like a good idea. Go talk to the queen.
You: The queen says "Listen. Even though you are a bee, I feel I can trust you. Take this, when the time is right you will know what to do with it"
You: She pulls out her stinger and hands it to you, and promptly dies.
You: The stinger is three feet (.4 grognards) long, razor sharp, and dripping with caustic venom.
Stranger: Okay, what are my options.
You: You could continue down the hall.
You: Or whatever you think is best.
Stranger: Continue down the hall.
You: You continue down the hall. There are several beetainers, and they prepare to attack
You: But
You: They see the stinger, and shout "He slew the vile bee queen! You are a hero!"
You: They carry you through the halls, shouting praises at the hero who saved them from bees.
Stranger: Wait wait wait wait wait, why the fuck did they call me a bee, when they are bees, and their queen is now a bee....
You: They're bees, what do you expect? They're stupid.
Stranger: But they are smart enough to make coherent sentences.
You: So is Glenn Beck.
Stranger: Nice one.
Stranger: What are my options.
You: You're still being carried around.
You: The bees make you their king.
You: And you reign for ten years, until...
You: A messenger arrives.
You: King Murpdurp of the Grognards wishes to speak with you.
Stranger: Ask him what he wants so speak about.
You: King Murpdurp enters.
You: He is easily twice the size of a normal Grognard, and has tusks the size of your forearm.
You: He demands your kingdom.
Stranger: How many of his asshole dick face friends are with him
You: None.
You: He's that badass.
Stranger: Okay, It's been ten years as a king...do I have some badass weapons and armor?
You: You have the same things you had before.
You: Except now you have a kingly robe.
Stranger: That's some bullshit right there. It's been ten years as a goddamn KING, and I couldn't get some awesome, useful loot?
You: They're bees.
You: What kind of loot would they have?
Stranger: You mean I'm not waging bee wars on people and taking their stuff? What the fuck have I been doing all those years.
You: Sitting around, eating royal jelly, fraternizing with bees.
You: King Murpdurp is becoming impatiant.
You: And also impatient.
Stranger: I take off my robe and shirt
You: You are now just wearing pants.
Stranger: Ask my bees to leave.
You: Your bees leave.
Stranger: Take my bee queen stinger and shortsword and challenge murpdurp to a battle to the death. Do I have any fitting area to use as an arena?
You: Right here would do fine.
You: Murpdurp grins savagely and pulls out a dragon's jawbone, the teeth sharpened even sharper than regular dragon's teeth.
You: You get the feeling he didn't want this to go any other way.
Stranger: How fast can murpdurp move?
You: He's sixteen feet tall.
You: Which means his stride is bigger than you are tall.
You: So pretty fast.
You: The words of the bee queen echo in your memory, "When the time comes, you'll know"
Stranger: Before we go any further, how large and strong am I?
You: You're pretty buff, you were going into a secret scary cave, after all.
Stranger: Are there any lose rocks on the floor, or anything that I could kick fairly far?
You: No.
You: It's polished smooth.
You: King Murpdurp is wearing nothing but a loincloth and dirt.
You: And rage.
Stranger: Wait for him to make the first move.
You: He hefts his dragonjaw and slams it down on you.
Stranger: By slam it down, did he actually hit me? Wouldn't that kill me?
You: You'd better get dodging.
You: And yes.
You: If he hits you it's over.
You: You'd better strike decisively.
Stranger: Dodge to the left.
You: You jump to the left. The dragonjaw slams down so hard it cracks the polished floor.
Stranger: Is the jaw damaged?
You: No.
Stranger: Is my shortsword sharp enough to chop through his bone in his wrist that he is holding the jaw?
You: You can try.
Stranger: What is his next move.
You: He kicks you across the room, snapping ribs and knocking the sword out of your hand.
You: You cough, and frothy pink blood dribbles down your chin.
Stranger: Wait for him to get as close as possible to me without letting him strike me
You: He walks up, and reaches down to pick you up.
Stranger: So his heart would be closer now that he is reaching down?
You: Sixteen feet tall.
You: His hand is close.
You: His arm is longer than you are.
Stranger: Lunge at his heart with the stinger.
You: You are nowhere near his heart.
You: You drive the stinger into his thumb, and he draws his hand back.
You: He plucks out the stinger, crushes it, and drop it, laughing at you.
You: Unfortunately, the venom gland was still attached, and you're totally supposed to scrape, not pluck.
You: He begins to choke and wheeze, and falls to his knees.
Stranger: How physically weak would he be right now?
You: He's choking to death.
You: Oh, and look.
You: He's dead.
You: The bees creep in, and look at his body.
You: They begin to cheer.
You: They shout one by one, "All hail Stranger, king of the bees!"
You: "All hail Stranger, king of the bees!"
Stranger: Tear out his head and some of his spine with the jaw bone and place it on a mantle above my throne.
You: You do so.
You: One of them shouts, "WAIT, BEES?! WHERE?!"
You: The end.
Stranger: OH GODDAMN IT
You have disconnected.
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Topic: [MILK] There were 12 eggs here what did you do with them? (Happy thread?!) (Read 15766967 times)