I'm so happy! The doctor was wrong. I wasn't hallucinating! I do have sores in my mouth. She just didn't see them, apparently (they're kind of hard to see, since they're at the back). This means that I have lost a large stack of crazy points, which is always a relief. Makes me kind of sad to see the ridges on my tongue/cheeks due to bruxism (tooth grinding. I just happen to think that's an awesome word), though.
Time to charge my electric toothbrush in hopes of fixing my oral hygiene >_> Good lord, I've turned into a disgusting person over the past year. I can't believe I used to actually brush and floss my teeth three times a day. And make my bed daily... and check my email... and play computer games... and watch anime... and read books. I never went to sleep with my boots on or passed out on the floor. I didn't dream about mathematics, either--just about being lonely. I didn't feel so comfortable getting in big flaming arguments or contradicting people. I had no idea how to get people to stop doing things that were annoying me.
My handwriting has shrunk and I am considering taking differential equations courses to go with my (extremely) theoretical background. I see elegant solutions easily, like popping a balloon or picking a flower. I no longer fear six-hour stints working on the same problem, nor induction, nor construction, nor contradiction. I no longer see the future as a bleak thing which I have no chance of confronting.
For the first time in my life, I feel alive. I've stopped asking whether or not the world exists. I've stopped fearing my few friends will abandon me, or that no one likes me. I've stopped feeling that I have to hide myself to survive. I feel like... well, I don't know. For once, I'm being adequately challenged with material I genuinely enjoy, and it's nice.
I guess this is what growing up really means.