I hate the craziest dream last night. I'd put it in my Top 10 most ridiculous dreams.
The first thing I distinctly remember is being in the lobby of an imaginary version of my former high school. It turns out I gave the Principle (Played by Wallace Shawn!) information that led to the expulsion of somebody, or something like that. Whoever it is, he's decided he's going to kill me. Specifically he's going to kill me in a garden near the school. I'm not sure why he'd pick something like that, it seems out of character for the kind of person who'd kill somebody over getting expelled. At first I thought it was just an empty thread but someone saw a car pull up to the garden, wait for a few seconds, then quickly drive away. I was pretty scared.
I got a ride home for some reason from some guys I don't think actually exist. As I'm leaving I look out and see two cars parked at the school, and the guys inside have guns. I duck down, thinking they're after me, and text one of my friends warning them. Turns out it's for a South Korean heritage festival. With guns. I don't know, it was a dream.
I fade out of reality here for a few minutes and when I wake up apparently the guys driving me forgot they were supposed to take me home, so I'm at their house, which is completely surrounded by dense and ominous woods. They have a driveway but it doesn't go anywhere. The only way out is through a narrow path. My gracious hosts give me a backpack and a gigantic roll of blank parchment and send me on my way.
The path leads to the kind of existential maze that would probably be full of all kinds of profound symbolism and metaphors normally, but since it's a dream, and it's my dream, it's all bullshit that doesn't make any sense. I hop around on giant recliners in a creepy red forest until I drop my backpack in a place I can't reach. Just then I find out there's some kind of macguffin in the pack that I need. I'm teleported into a science-y lab place where a guy I can only adequately describe as "The Sultan" explains to me that I've failed. He starts pushing me around and then the fairy from Zelda shows up and tells me that I'm the strongest man in the world. I do what any sensible person would do in the situation and punch the Sultan in the fucking face. He runs away and hides in this geodesic dome where they apparently cryonically freeze people. I climb into a cryonic storage rack and freeze myself (It turns out I also have ice powers) and when they put me in the dome I unfreeze myself then immediately freeze everything including myself. Ice to meet you, Sultan.
I then unfreeze everything, create an ice-board, and ride the flowing water out of the dome. More stuff happens but I only vaguely remember it. I momentarily worry about the guy who's going to kill me and then remember that I'm a superhero and I can probably take him.
Immediately upon waking up, the previously mentioned thought, "the only dangerous part of the obstacle course is the naked tightrope room with the falling hacky sacks and the angry man whose job is to catch and squeeze falling hacky sacks" sprung fully formed from my mind. I can't tell whether it's hilarious or insane. Maybe both. I think the joke is that if you fall the guy will grab and destroy your testicles.