Oops sry didn't see that, didn't mean to ignore you, I mean you provide good answers to my questions, so you're probably selling yourself short with "never"... It's ultimatively not that interesting to dissect this sort of public mental breakdown. In the end nothing matters, sometimes I have bad weeks where I make a fool out myself several times, like going real batshit crazy in public. And everytime it is just shrugged off. It's crazy the shit you can get away with, in some sense we do live in a truely free society, nobody is coming to pick me up and put me in a straightjacket. Like just yesterday someone didn't see me and allmost ran me over and I yell nice try but you're gonna have to try harder, as the guy allmost gets a heart attack. Today I was raging in a container and I come up and I'm like trying to exert myself hard, to do something with my bloodpressure, ripping cardboard with the use of my whole body idiotsfightingthings style and there's one more but the person is still at it and I take it and ask "you still need this?" and he chuckles because it's funny that I'm mad, and wants to be witty and says "no you?" at the very instant the carboard is ripped as I mutter to myself "shit needs to go faster, if anything can make y'all get out here even one second faster, you can not imagine what a relief that is to me". Once my social batteries are drained I have very little sense of self-preservation and it's like I'm begging to meet my equal to punch some sense into me while yelling some harsh truths but it never happens. And when I say very little sense of self-preservation that is quite accurate, it's not a rare occurence that some item bugs me being in the wrong place or the wrong way and I resolve it with full use of my body. In a way the job suits me, we break shit. Atm I got a left foot that is sprained, nail on the big toe on the other side is still only half back and still ugly as hell, up that leg there should be a scrape wound, but the leg muscle has a weird inward bulge, I don't think those were just thorns, my back hurts but that's not news, and both arms and hands have your usual seasoning of cuts, today I wasn't afraid of security glass, and yeah it shouldn't cut, but splinters can still stab you... Ripped those windows out of the frame real good tho. The weirdest thing that happened to me today: you can allmost not call it throwing, but I'm looking at this "neon" light, and there is no ballast or nothing it's not a cfl, it's not mercury, and so I just sorta slide it deeper into the regular ewaste box, but there must have been a spark? Both ends of the cylinder popped open with a tiny explosion (cleanly too!) and I narrowly avoided some glass in the eye. I've seen some shit, but that was news to me. Idk man... What do you want, I'm still breathing, still free, still "whole". Unless I spontaneously self combust or rip my heart out barehandedly I doubt people will ever think I mean it. I'm not an idiot (I mean I am but not that way) I'm not a public danger, and I walk this weird narrow path where I smash things with a sledgehammer like the hulk, but when some normal customer with some normal amounts and normal questions approaches (not a garbage junky) I make damn sure to hold nothing threatening in the hands long before we're in reach of eachother, and even if my hands tremble in anger, I can summon the real smooth callcenter voice and preach down a rule like it's coming straight from the manual. Like I shouldn't be telling y'all this right? IDGAF. Tomorrow is another day, that's like the best thing about today, it's that it will end anyway, like all the other fucking days. When people fight things we consider that stupid, because people allmost allways end up hurting themselves. When I kick a plank and the other side comes back around to hit me in the head that is like the realest thing that will happen all day, and as such kind of an okay experience. I find hurting myself out of my own stupidity soothing as hell, that shit will calm you the fuck down. But I hate inconvenient work where you constantly bump your head into something, eventhough it's basically the same thing.
People probably pity me more than anything, even if they love to act like I speak chinese. I will admit that when especially angry I tend to get absurd, like I wouldn't scold somebody with "goddamnit can you be careful" I'd yell "gooooaaal", or rather something overwritten that is meant to convey the same idea. I think I talk hella fast when I'm mad, idk it's usually pretty blurry, afterwards.
tldr, I'm probably not meant to be understood I'm not sure myself
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Topic: [MILK] There were 12 eggs here what did you do with them? (Happy thread?!) (Read 15894707 times)