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[Naturegirl1999]

I have a couch!

My couch bit me

Couches don’t bite, maybe you found a mimic. Proceed with caution

[Iduno]

I have a couch!

My couch bit me

Did you sit on a cat?

[hector13]

It has a recliner and I moved my leg off the recliner and it shifted and bit my leg

If it is a mimic, we will be dead by morning as it’s next to the bedroom.

[scriver]

I hear telling a good joke will often reveal them

[wierd]

Some people, like PeeWee Herman, coexist peacefully with their mimic based furniture.


Despite how uncomfortable it makes other people.

[scriver]

It should be noted that those are not arms. They're mandibles to hold the food down in front of the mouth

[King Zultan]

This sounds like the kind of thing that inspires a creepypasta or something.

[Uthimienure]

This sounds like the kind of thing that inspires a creepypasta or something.

Or Salad Fingers

[King Zultan]

Salad Fingers' Play House?

This sounds terrible....      Someone should make it a thing.

[Dunamisdeos]

Yo I am at work helping train new hires and I get to roleplay fussy customers on fake calls for them this is the most fun I've ever had at work omg.

[TamerVirus]

Did you get to break out the "I WANT TO SPEAK WITH YOUR MANAGER!" yet? 

[Dunamisdeos]

Nahhhh.

But I get to do it later :>

EDIT: I'm the "manager" in question around here. It'll be somewhat bittersweet.

[TamerVirus]

"I WANT TO SPEAK WITH THE MANAGER!" he shouted
The radio said "No, Dunamisdeos. You are the manager."
And then, Dunamisdeos was a (figurative) zombie

[Eric Blank]

This sounds like the kind of thing that inspires a creepypasta or something.

Or Salad Fingers

Or vore porn

[Dunamisdeos]

These new hires are so damn nice on the phone I actually felt bad acting like a fussy customer at them.