1.) what dwarfs and equipment should I start with?
You will get as many answers as people who post. It's extremely personal, all depends on your playstyle, what sort of game challenges you enjoy, and your experience.
I think(?) most would more or less agree that starting out on your first fortress, you want the something close to the following, just for simplicity while you make your inevitable mistakes and figure out what
you want:
1 anvil
1 axe
2 picks
5-8 each seed type (esp plump helmets?)
11 plump helmets
~20 cheap meats and fish, 1 each (cheaper the better, they're all the same for now.)
11 turtle meat
64 alcohol, (16 each x 4 different)
4 wardogs
1 cat
5 wood
2 copper ore (malachite, copper nuggets, tetrahedrite)
4 bauxite stone (if available)
Now, like I said, there are INFINITE personal variations and tweaks to that mix - but for a no-brainer, "this will work out" start, that's a good one.
2.) Sometimes, my dwarves just don't follow orders.
Welcome to Dwarf Fortress.
To get a job completed, you need 3 things - 1) a dwarf with the right "labor" designated (<v>iew the dwarf, and <p>rofile, <labor> will show you the labors that dwarf has designated); b) a workshop, or part of the map with a <d>esignation for that labor (plants are <d>, <p>, etc), and iii) a valid path to the raw materials and any workshop and tools (if any).
Also, do you guys have some starting tips?
Read the wiki. Keep it open while you play. Surf as things catch your eye.
http://www.dwarffortresswiki.net/index.php/Main_PageEspecially any of the guides/tutorials on that main page, but also the "starting build" article.
It will answer questions you haven't even thought to ask yet, and save you much "GAME OVER/START AGAIN".